Doesn't have time for a relationship

[tyau10]

Hey everyone just need your advice.

We've been together for several months right now and everything was going great until she started her new job. Date nights were curtailed and then family/friend commitments got in the way as her time dwindled.

Then three weeks ago my girlfriend sent me this long text...

Hi. been on a course today, not had any free time. I'm really sorry, i wanted to talk to you face to face but I can't see you for another week and it's not fair on you to not let you know what I'm thinking. I haven't been feeling like my heart is fully us recently. With me being so busy because of my job I don't have the time to see you and it's not fair on either of us. Our relationship is based on text messages at the minute, its not natural. Things just get misconstrued. I get that this is my fault cause of my schedule but there's nothing I can do about that.You know what I think about saying things like this over text but I can't carry on pretending like everything's okay. I've been trying to sort myself out for the past few weeks and it's causing me too much stress trying to please everyone. I'm really sorry but I just don't know what else to do.

I knew there was something wrong and told her that. I also said I'd like to fight for our relationship. However, she told me she doesn't have time for a relationship and she's not happy being in a relationship where she cant see me. I worked out we'd get one day together in a month due to her new job and my hours.

I offered her an out though asking if it wasn't for time would she still want to be in a relationship. Her answer..."I wouldn't have been in one in the first place if I didn't want to be- I'm not happy in the current situation"

I must admit it was confusing so we text some more and she said... "It's nothing to do with us as people and it's nothing you've done or said, nothing's broken it's just I don't have time. Something's changed and it's not the same as it was. My job isn't just a job at work, it's at home for the next six months,I can't make it work for me and I'm not happy. I'm not happy because I'm trying to please everyone, when I'm busy you get annoyed and I can't deal with that on topof everything else. Right now I want space, I need time to myself to think about what I want.

I ended by saying take the time an space you need and she agreed to meet up in person to talk about it, I also asked her not to make a rash decision to which she said "This isn't rash I've been thinking this for two weeks. It's just how I feel right now"

I waited 10 days then waited outside her work to talk to her (I know this was a mistake but I was not in a good place) and then sent her a message the other day asking how she was and if we could meet up to talk about us, and if it was over if we could end on good terms rather than a text. I've heard no reply.

I'm just confused as a month before that text she told me she'd never looked at another guy with me and that she'd never done that before. What I fear is that I scared her when I was drunk and told her I loved her about 2 weeks before she sent that message. I'm also worried because her ex cheated on her and she admitted she often puts her defences up with guys.

I just don't know what to do. Should I wait a few more weeks before getting back in contact or should I just say it's over even though I adore her to bits and her friends and family before that happened said she'd never been so happy?

Is she just scared to tell me it's over, does she know what she wants or is she scared of commitment...I'm just lost.

Thank you in advance

[bamisepeters]

I am happy she has no negative feelings about you. What i mean is that there is nothing negative you have done to her. One thing i will want you to do is to just be ready for the worst from her and don't let her decision weigh you down. Don't stop her from from pursuing her career but you can make her see reasons not to leave you so far you have not been bad towards her. If you are in dire need of relationship there are so many other good ladies waiting for you out there. You also have the right to happiness

[DarkRobe]

this is a common thing people have a problem with in love.
I am sorry you are going through this. I believe many people just work to much.
In the end money is not everything.
A romantic kiss on the moonlight, a passionate love making night with wine
and starberries. Those are the things dreams are made of.

I suggest getting rich quick. So that working will be a thing of the past.
Then you can enjoy free time and kiss and have sex all the time

[Kibo]

Oh that is interesting! I just quit my relationship with my gf for the same reason!

I can tell you, it is not easy. I have so much to do. It is not really about work or money. But I have many hobbies that are really important to me. I had been totally happy with my gf but I could give her maybe one day a week of my time.

She wanted to spend almost every day in the week with me. That put me quite under some stress. When I talked to her about that, she meant it would be ok and she would let me have time for myself, but I knew she would be unhappy.

The breakup had been last saturday and I am really sad. But even now, after ending this relationship, I have so many tasks to do, I barely find time to think about it.

It´s only the nights that are hard.

Well, I got no advice for you. Just, that it certainly had not been easy for her neither. I am still trying to find out, how I could make ANY future relationship work with that few time to spare.

One more interesting fact: I didn´t find a way to integrate her into my own life and I still don´t know how it could have been possible.

What did you guys do, when you met before? Did you spend the time alone with her, or enable her to live her everyday life together with you?

[basilandthyme]

Well, I got no advice for you. Just, that it certainly had not been easy for her neither. I am still trying to find out, how I could make ANY future relationship work with that few time to spare.

Kibo, I wouldn't worry too much. I've known more than one man who's been like you. Where the girlfriend comes in at about [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=10]#10[/URL] on the priority list. Before her are sports, cars, gym, mates etc etc. Thing is though, when these guys find the *right*girl, they suddenly *want* to change their priorities around and make time for her. They won't do it for the wrong girl, but will move heaven and earth to make time for the right one.

When you find the perfect girl, you too, will make time for her.

[juraiknight]

Kibo, I wouldn't worry too much. I've known more than one man who's been like you. Where the girlfriend comes in at about [URL=https://www.loveforum.net/usertag.php?do=list&action=hash&hash=10]#10[/URL] on the priority list. Before her are sports, cars, gym, mates etc etc. Thing is though, when these guys find the *right*girl, they suddenly *want* to change their priorities around and make time for her. They won't do it for the wrong girl, but will move heaven and earth to make time for the right one.

When you find the perfect girl, you too, will make time for her.

Do you believe the same can be said about girls though too? Some say that, even if their life is hectic, if the person wants it to work, they will find a way to do so. Do you believe that statement to be true regardless of the persons sex?

[Wakeup]

A girl/guy that is into you will not tell the other that they don't have time for a relationship. They just wouldn't. Instead of saying that, they'd talk to you about coming to some compromises that would work for the two of you and then if nothing could be arranged that would make the two of you satisfied, then they would end it mutually. They certainly wouldn't just arbitrarily end it due to "lack of time."

.... Sorry, dude but you'd do well to just go zero contact and set your sights on someone else once you are feeling more indifferent to her.

[basilandthyme]

Do you believe the same can be said about girls though too? Some say that, even if their life is hectic, if the person wants it to work, they will find a way to do so. Do you believe that statement to be true regardless of the persons sex?

Perhaps I was wrong saying that a guy *will* change if he meets the right girl. On second thoughts, it's more about priorities. As much as I've seen a number of men change when they meet Ms Right, some people will never prioritise a relationship over their own personal pursuits. Their work or social life is just far too important to them to give time to a partner.

I've only seen the "change for the right person" thing in men. But that doesn't mean it *can't* happen in women.

[datingtired]

Hello everyone.
I am a young single developer tired of dating sites. I created for fun, a small mobile application. It is simple : you select two of your friends in your address book and send you their phone number. But without telling them who it is! This App is based both on trust, since it is you who are recommending , as a surprise , since your friend will not know right away that he can contact.

Off course, this app is entierly free. You don't need any account, no purchase to use it.


It's fun and pretty addictive!

Try it on the google play store.
Hello everyone.
I am a young single developer tired of dating sites. I created for fun, a small mobile application. It is simple : you select two of your friends in your address book and send you their phone number. But you don't tell them who it is! This App is based both on trust, as it is you who are recommending , as a surprise , since your friend will not know right away that he can contact.

Off course, this app is entierly free. You don't need any account, no purchase to use it.


It's fun and pretty addictive! And if you recommend it to your friends, they can use it to send to you the phone number of one of their single friends

Try it on the google play store!
play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=developpez.g2