I miss my ex after a year of no contact

[shirkenneth]

Hi guys,
I'm a medical student who had a 4 months relationship with a student from my class. We have been the best friends for a few months before we started dating and I felt like he was my soulmate during that time, although we're very different. The guy is very introvert comparing to me, less ambitious and dominant, but really considerate loving to me. He had almost no friends when we met, and I'm, as a very social girl introduced him to my friends at the time. after a few months I felt bored. I mean, I felt like I wanted him to stay in my life as a very good friend, but not as my boyfriend. I loved him a real, true love, as I love my mom and my brother, but I felt it was right for us to break up and try to leave things as they were before 4 months before. He didn't accept that and tried really hard to keep the relationship going. He said I was his world and he couldn't imagine his life without me. I couldn't either, but we both saw "us" as two different things.
Therefore, he decided to have no contact with me at all. I believe it was too hard for him to have me around, even as a friend and he wanted to break that off.
It's been almost a year of no contact. He unfriended me on FB. We study in the same class, but we're not talking and even ignoring each other. Most of my close friends kind of picked his side, and I have almost no contact with them today either. It was the hardest thing for me at the beginning, although I was the one who broke up with him.
I'd say that I decided not to have a relationship this year, in order to focus on my studies. After a few months I felt good with the decision. I got a little upset, of course, when he had a birthday and I didn't call and I'm almost sure he's dating another girl from our class, who was one of my friends before the breakup.
I'd say that I DON'T wanna get back to him. I don't see us as a couple and it was a mistake. I do miss him a lot now. It's so strange- almost a year of no contact and no crying, but now, I feel bad. I miss him, I listen to our songs, I see pics and it's so hard. Maybe it's not him, but the need for being so close to someone. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I feel empty. I feel bad. I spend a lot of time thinking about him.
Of course I didn't express my disappointment from my friends who picked a side, from that friend who instantly started dating him after we broke up, and from all this ignoring situation which makes coming to class every day more difficult...
They were my friends (for the record, only female friends) before we even started dating, and became close to him through me. When we broke up, they (again, only girls) gradually severed contact with me and today they are sitting together with him in class. They keep it a secret, but one of them have been dating him for 4 months now.
I'm also convinced that his "no contact" method is their idea, since he "decided" to do that last year, after they spent a day together in class when I was away...
Only one of my female friends from this group stayed "by my side".
What should I do?
Thanks in advance,
Shir

[basilandthyme]

I'm sorry you're in this position. Must be so awful losing your friends.

My only advice is this: find new friends.

[fukushima123]

Hi guys,
I'm a medical student who had a 4 months relationship with a student from my class. We have been the best friends for a few months before we started dating and I felt like he was my soulmate during that time, although we're very different. The guy is very introvert comparing to me, less ambitious and dominant, but really considerate loving to me. He had almost no friends when we met, and I'm, as a very social girl introduced him to my friends at the time. after a few months I felt bored. I mean, I felt like I wanted him to stay in my life as a very good friend, but not as my boyfriend. I loved him a real, true love, as I love my mom and my brother, but I felt it was right for us to break up and try to leave things as they were before 4 months before. He didn't accept that and tried really hard to keep the relationship going. He said I was his world and he couldn't imagine his life without me. I couldn't either, but we both saw "us" as two different things.
Therefore, he decided to have no contact with me at all. I believe it was too hard for him to have me around, even as a friend and he wanted to break that off.
It's been almost a year of no contact. He unfriended me on FB. We study in the same class, but we're not talking and even ignoring each other. Most of my close friends kind of picked his side, and I have almost no contact with them today either. It was the hardest thing for me at the beginning, although I was the one who broke up with him.
I'd say that I decided not to have a relationship this year, in order to focus on my studies. After a few months I felt good with the decision. I got a little upset, of course, when he had a birthday and I didn't call and I'm almost sure he's dating another girl from our class, who was one of my friends before the breakup.
I'd say that I DON'T wanna get back to him. I don't see us as a couple and it was a mistake. I do miss him a lot now. It's so strange- almost a year of no contact and no crying, but now, I feel bad. I miss him, I listen to our songs, I see pics and it's so hard. Maybe it's not him, but the need for being so close to someone. I don't know.
What I do know, is that I feel empty. I feel bad. I spend a lot of time thinking about him.
Of course I didn't express my disappointment from my friends who picked a side, from that friend who instantly started dating him after we broke up, and from all this ignoring situation which makes coming to class every day more difficult...
They were my friends (for the record, only female friends) before we even started dating, and became close to him through me. When we broke up, they (again, only girls) gradually severed contact with me and today they are sitting together with him in class. They keep it a secret, but one of them have been dating him for 4 months now.
I'm also convinced that his "no contact" method is their idea, since he "decided" to do that last year, after they spent a day together in class when I was away...
Only one of my female friends from this group stayed "by my side".
What should I do?
Thanks in advance,
Shir

If he left you because you had no feelings for him, I can only say move on.
It's my first time hearing that someone with no romantic feelings for someone and after one year of not seeing them suddenly has romantic feelings, because being apart usually makes your feelings stop flowing.
But if you had not noticed that you had feelings but are only beginning to realize you had feelings, it makes sense.
If he decided "no contact" respect his wishes.
You will only cause more suffering for yourself by trying to see him.
It might be hard right to see it right now, but you have learned a lot from this relationship.
It seems like you were awakened to repressed feelings.
Talking to a therapist might help figure out why your feelings were so repressed all this time and will help you in future relationships which is really important because it increases your chances of communicating and developing your relationships.
It might have been the stress from school and just life in general.
Many relationships end in post secondary because we are all learning to manage stress and love.

My experience is more from your ex's view because I am the female version of him except I never dated any of my ex's friends, lol (that's just unthinkable by my moral standards).
The only time I ever had to repress my feelings was when my ex told me that he was seeing my best friend and he would continue to see her even if he was making a mistake.
This was a friend I had confided in about all of the hurt and pain I felt from him breaking up with me and refusing to see me one-on-one.
He only ever wanted to meet in group situations and it was reluctantly that he did.
That was when he met her.
He always wanted space which I gave him, but he chose to use that space in a way that would eventually hurt me.
In the end all he could say to me was that he thought I didn't care.
Sometimes you could crawl on your hands and knees to be with someone, but they won't see you.
You could scream your lungs out but they just don't flinch or look your way.
There is a window you can see through to see him but he cannot see through it to see you standing on the other side.
It happens, but you need to get back up again so the right person can embrace you with open arms.
You can ask God and the universe, "why", but the answer lies in finding someone new.
This was was not meant to be.
If the feelings are not being returned, don't move mountains to be with him.
This is a time of healing and recovery.
I made the mistake of maintaining contact after he broke it off with me.
I was hurt already and before I could take the bandages off, another giant wave of pain knocked me over.
The thing is people told me to stop doing this to myself, but I didn't.
So you see now why your ex stopped contacting you.
He is smarter than I ever was with my ex.
But you also have your feelings to tend to.
Find out how to get in touch with yourself and find someone new.
You cannot put your ex in a position to question his decision when he did the right thing to try to forget you.

After dating my friend, my ex came to church a few years later and casually made conversation with my parents, tried adding my brother to Facebook, and emailed me.
I reiterated everything he had done to me.
What do you think his response was?
"It takes two to tango. You didn't HAVE to respond to my emails if you were going be so angry about it."
He was not going to apologize.
Instead he typed paragraph after paragraph of every thing that had happened in his life including school, family, vacations....
After five to six emails going back and forth full of frustration, I blocked him.
There was no way he was going to discuss what had happened.
I was wasting my time.
At the end of the day, his pride meant more than hearing me speak.
And to this very day, I still don't know why he contacted me.
Maybe he remembered how tightly I clung to him before and was counting on me to still be hanging by a thread like a drowned rat.
People warned me. "Don't do this. Don't maintain contact."
I chose not to listen however. And this is what generally happens when you don't listen to people.
Just understand why people cut their ties. They have better foresight/survivor skills.
It must be done for self preservation because even when you've lost an arm and a leg, you've still got your other parts to protect.

I hope things work out for you.
The world is a big place and you can always start over.
Just don't expect him to risk hurting himself again.
Just my two cents because I know what it's like to be him (except I know you never dated his best friend or anything).
I don't harbor ill will for you.
You sound like you are genuinely feeling sad.
Just let him heal.

[vilhelmcarlberg]

Don't loose the best friends. If you lose find the another one..

[juraiknight]

Unfortunately I'm in this very same situation, maybe not to the T, but pretty close. I was recently in a relationship with an old flame from high school not too long ago, and dated for maybe two months. She broke it off because she has a busy life with kids, school during the weekday, and work during the weekends and said she needed to be alone. I can tell you from experience that it's pretty awful going from lovers back to friends. Personally I don't think it's possible to do so, because you cross a line that can't be uncrossed. There is no undo button in life, and so situations should be treated as such. I think you should move on, because he obviously has when you gave him no choice but to do so. If he really wants to reach out to you again, he will, but unfortunately that may never come. It sucks that I can't give you any positive advice on this, but just let him go.

[pcmaster]

Check this guide how to forget someone.

[url]https://www.loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/28537-tips-advice-forget.html[/url]

loveforum.net/broken-hearts-forum/28537-tips-advice-forget.html

Also it can take longer than year. Like 2-3 years to completely forgot someone. Dont look at his pictures, forget how his face looks. It will be easier this way.