I still miss him...after a year

[Julie90]

Hello! I know that I'm not going to tell you something that never happened to anyone else...but I just need an advice. My boyfriend broke up with me a year ago (after a relationship of almost 2 years) but I still miss him. I haven't seen him for a year. I admit that after we broke up I spent 2 weeks begging him to come back. But then I gave up because it all started to seem impossible and just a way to loose my self esteem. Last week it was his birthday and I decided to text him a "Happy Birthday" message. He was curious to find out who sent him the message and called me. He was surprised to hear my voice, but we had a short conversation: he was thanking me for the message and asking me if I'm ok...just usual things. And that was all. And it was the first time we spoke after a year. And it probably be the last time. I don't know why I did this, perhaps for the good times we had together. I also don't know why I still have him in my head and in my heart. After all, he made me suffer a lot. I tried to let go, I tried to fell in love again and I had 2 relationships, which were not longer than a month or two, although I gave my best to make them work. After that I realised once again that I still love him and bla bla bla.. To be honest with you I'm tired of wanting him back but I just can't help loving him. I don't know what to do. My friends keep telling me that it's wrong to think about him over and over again and I know that too. My life seems normal but under the surface I suffer. And of course any plan about getting him back is just an insane thing, he is already with someone else and even if he was single my chances were very low I think after all this time.And then again, let's suppose that I have some chances, in that case I don't want to make that someone else suffer. I love him, I miss him and I want him back. In a normal world that is so wrong, I agree. So what should I do?
PS: Thank you for reading all this.

[steviej]

You need to change your pattern of thinking.

Your thoughts are regressive, you can't move on because you're looking backwards - not forwards!
You said yourself the relationship is long over, he's moved on, you don't see or speak to him.

Delete his number, remove anything that reminds you of him and STOP looking backwards! You are not allowing your feelings for him to die because you keep fueling them by thinking about him.

I know this is very easy to say on a forum, the reality is much harder but you have to try!

[hello1]

Why do you still have his number? he obviously deleted yours and has moved on. This guy is not meant for you, you need to realise that and start giving other men a chance. Delete his number, get rid of anything else that may have belonged to him or remind you off him. Its time for a fresh start?

[Julie90]

I have a new phone number, that's why he didn't know it was me. But you are right! I tried to give other men a chance but I wasn't really succsessful, although I wanted that. Well, I guess I have to keep looking for the right guy.

[Love&Life]

Yeah Julie, Steviej and Hello1 are right... delete everything that links to him and look forward.
But ask yourself why you are missing him? For real, it can't be for who he is or how he treated you...
Write down every shitty thing about him and when you miss him, read it. Or call a friend who reminds you how shitty he was...

[Julie90]

I tried that. It works for a few minutes, but then I am remembering all the good things... the worst thing is that I realise that I'm wrong but at the same time I feel something else. It's more like a conflict between my feelings and my reason. I hope I'll find a solution soon.

[robFord]

There's nothing you can but take the plunge to move and just stick with it. Like everyone said, delete all of everything and just live your life.

[ashley89]

I agree with deleting stuff about him! my ex dumped me a little over 2 months ago, and we haven't talked since. but up until last week I still had his # in my phone, we were still friends on Facebook, I still had pictures/videos of him on my camera and computer. once I found out he had a new girlfriend, it tore me apart, and I deleted EVERYTHING! every single picture on my computer and camera, I removed him and the girl as friends, and I have to say just doing this has helped me sooo much! of course I still think about him, it has only been 2 months and I know it's going to take more time to completely get over him but I think having nothing to remind you of him helps you not to look back. this way, you won't be able to miss him when you look at pictures or videos or see what he's doing on Facebook because you don't have him on there!

[bubabalo]

Many years ago a guy broke up with me and it took me over a year to get over him. I can relate to you. Even though I was in another relationship with another guy I couldn't stop thinking of him. But trust me, with time your feelings for this guy will go away. For each person is different, some of them can get over easier others not but you will.

[jb1111983]

I won't give you any suggestion. Will just share how I got over my first GF. I'm gonna sound crazy but please bear with me. It took me 5 years to do that! I was young and didn't know how to move on with life. She was everything I wanted, the girl of my dream. I was convinced I would never feel that way about any girl again. I sent one letter a month to her for over a year. She never replied. Then about 6 years ago a friend shared about how he moved on after a break up. He said he was thankful for everything that happened between them and was ready to let go his ex. That's when it dawned on me that for 5 years I imprisoned my ex in my heart and had never wanted to let go her. I believe in God so I prayed about it. And I used a bit of my imagination. I imagined that she was a bird in my cage, I opened it and took the bird in my hand and let it fly away. And I said " x, thank you for everything. I'm happy I met you. I want you to be happy with or without me. Goodbye, my love". Sounds funny but that worked for me. I was free. And then I met a beautiful girl and fell in love again. Shame that didn't work out either but it was good while it lasted. I still think about my first sometimes but it's not the same now. I met her once after that. She looked happy to see me. She said we should meet again. I said yeah let's meet. It was October 2006. We never met again. I think there's no reason for it now. Maybe I was meant to know only for that short period. And as of now I'm madly deeply in love with the most wonderful girl I've met. I really hope she's the one.
Good luck.

[jb1111983]

The only thing I'd like to add hating him for the wrongs he did to you won't help you get over him. Well not in a positive way. From what I read in your post I'd say it's better for you to not get back with him even if you could. Your relationship will never be the way it was. If a guy mistreats you in any way he is a Mr. Wrong! Someone who's been there I can testify that in time you'll meet someone much better who you'll be very happy to have in your life. And this usually happens when you least expect. Your ex doesn't deserve you or your attention.
And there's nothing abnormal with what you're going through. Don't look for a quick fix. Give yourself time. And please take care of yourself the way you'd care for a dear friend going through this situation.

[Julie90]

It's great to see that some people are happy! and your story was great too. Thanks.

[Julie90]

I can't hate him. And I don't want to hate him, because he did some good things too and I'm grateful for that. I just want to be able to sleep with a smile on my face again. Thank you again!

[EmptyInside]

I hope you will be fine, I wish you best of luck

[Julie90]

Thank you ! I'm not very lucky...but who knows...