She made me feel worthless

[ThatKidWhoSighs]

Hi guys,

I was speaking to a girl for about a year we would speak every day and it felt like things where going great, I didn't take long before I started to develop feelings for this girl, so one day I plucked up the courage to tell her how I felt, it turns out she felt the same way about me, so that was great. After speaking to her for about another month my feelings really started to grow, I told her I think we should start something with each other, I mean why not right? We both liked each other, but after I said this she started acting differently, we barley spoke after that and she was keeping her distance from me, I had a feeling she didn't have these "feelings" for me anymore, I said to her maybe it's a good idea if we stopped contact for about a week, that was the hardiest week of my life, after the long week ended I told her that I still felt the same way, she the said "these past few days made me realise that I do want you in my life, but I'm not ready for a relationship no so I'm happy as friends for now", that was great I was more then happy to wait for her even if it took along time, but things didn't change, we still barley spoke and she was still keeping her distance, I said to her "you don't want a relationship with me do you" long story short she never had feelings for me to begin with, she just made up all those things to prevent me from being "hurt" but what she did made me hurt even more, I felt stupid, started blaming it on myself, "was it because I'm not good enough?" "Did I do something wrong?" She said I think it's best you block me from your life in order for you to move on, this broke my heart, how could someone make me feel so wanted, but then in the space of hours make me feel useless, I tried everything I could to get her back, but nothing worked, and no I'm sat it trying to fix myself together, but what hurt the most is how easy she made it look to move on, it was like everything that happens of the course of a year was a waste of time, I also suffer from anxiety and depression and this made get over her 10x harder, any advice?

Thank you

[thecatsmeow]

You did not do anything wrong.

She told you the truth but she wasn't honest with you when she told you that she had feelings for you too. She said that she only said so because she didn't want to hurt your feelings. What she didn't know was that not being honest with you from the get-go is what has hurt you even more.

Falling for someone who doesn't feel the same way is absolutely one of the most painful things a person can go through.

My advice, don't rush yourself. Getting over someone is not easy and takes time. Allow yourself to mourn and be patient with yourself, you lost both a friend and the girl you loved.

Always be honest with yourself as to where you are at with your feelings for her, don't use someone else to get over her. Let time heal you and please, don't feel stupid, we've all been there.

[ThatKidWhoSighs]

Thank you, you put a smile on my face.

[thecatsmeow]

Thank you, you put a smile on my face.

You're welcome....

[TheEvilJester]

Without knowing more and/or being closer to the situation, I cannot necessarily know this for sure..... but if it helps at all, it doesn't sound to me like she had any ill intentions. Don't get me wrong. That does NOT excuse her behavior. What she did was very hurtful and wrong. I mean, it isn't like she just casually tried to leave you hanging hoping you'd move on (which is bad enough) she actually specifically told you she shared the same feelings. To do that was wrong. To play with your heart like that was wrong. She'd have hurt you much less to just be honest right from the start. But, it seems to me like maybe she did so because she thought she was sparing your feelings. That is foolish and immature, but if that IS the case, it at least was not meant with ill intent.

Bottom line, though, it doesn't matter whether she intentionally or unintentionally hurt you in this way, the end result for you should be the same. She's not the one for you. It may hurt for a while and may take time, but you will get past it. In time, you will find somebody who actually will want to be with you, and you will be kicking past you in the butt for even wasting a moment on this other girl.

Catsmeow hit the nail right on the head in my view. A crush can be hard to get over, and the worst thing you can do is force yourself to try to "get back on the horse" by asking out another girl when your heart isn't really in it. Take time to get over her.... but at the same time, don't take TOO much time. She's wasted enough of your time. It didn't work out with this gal, but eventually it will with somebody.

In the meantime, now is as good a time as any to start learning how to work on your anxiety and depression. Even if that means seeking out professional help, then please go for it. It is NOT weak to admit when you need help, and it is NOT weak to accept that help when you need it. You shouldn't have to live like that. Take it from a guy who has suffered through enough of his own depression and anxiety. It is worth it to keep fighting. I know how hard it can get, but don't give up. If you give up, the battle is over. If you keep fighting, little by little it becomes easier to do, and you get over it more and more. I am not saying it is easy. I wish I could say it were, but for guys like us it will always be a life long struggle. The thing is, the rewards for your success are SO worth it. Good luck to you, friend.

[ThatKidWhoSighs]

Thank you for being so kind mate

Well when I confronted her and said why did you lie to me, she said I thought you knew all along. I know I have a long recovery ahead and I do understand what you mean about anxiety and depression, I'm currently taking medication for it, I definitely think it would be wise to fix myself up before I consider a relationship, but it isn't a nice feeling when the person you think is so perfect, could just disappear in a instant,

Thank you for your kind and wise words though mate

[Nicolelong]

It's a common misunderstanding. She believed you were close friends and a confidante, you believed that it was romantic and headed towards a relationship. When you confessed to her (good on you) you probably surprised her and she was put on the spot. She did what she thought would spare your feelings. I think she did it with good intentions, but it was the wrong thing to do.

When you confronted her and she wanted to pull out of your life, she wants to put space in between you as a favor to YOU. She doesn't want to lead you on any more than she already has, and this is her way of continuing to protect you and wanting the best for you. You view it as her moving on easily, but in reality, she did not share your feelings so on her part, there's nothing to move on from. She is probably living her life, and if you came to her later on wanting to be friends again, she'd be on it.

You didn't do anything wrong. It's not that you're "not good enough." Sometimes people don't make it past the friendship stage, and it's no one's fault. There are countless factors to consider.

Keep your chin up! Nothing is constant except change.

[ThatKidWhoSighs]

Im not sure about her wanting to be friends, we had an argument when I confronted her and she denied everything and said she couldn't believe that I would accuse her of doing something like that, this is when I started to blame myself for being so stupid into thinking she liked me in the first place, been about a week since that went down and its a slow recovery, despite what she did, I would have her back in a heartbeat.

[TheEvilJester]

I thought you said she specifically said to you that she shared the same feelings, but later revealed that she never truly meant that. Is it possible that you misinterpreted what she said to mean she shared the same feelings for you even though she may not have meant that? Otherwise, I'm a little puzzled as to how in the blue Hell she could deny it and be so defensive and saying she "couldn't believe you'd accuse her of something like that."

Because, if she literally told you she shared the same feelings, but she didn't actually mean it, then she did something wrong and should just grow the Hell up and own up to it. If that really is the case, to be honest with you, I'm not so sure you should have anything to do with her at all. Taking your story at its face value, that sounds like one of the most childish and immature loads of crap I have ever heard in my life. So she leads you on and steps on your heart, and then acts all indignant and holier than thou when you call her on it? To Hell with her!

I dunno. Maybe I am over-reacting, or maybe I am misinterpreting the story a bit, but that sort of thing just gets me peeved. I will say this, hindsight is always 20/20, but I don't think you necessarily should have bothered actually confronting her about it. It just wasn't really worth your aggravation. Once she revealed she never truly felt the same way, I think you should have just kept your distance. Why give yourself the extra frustration?

So, unless I am missing something (which could be the case, I don't know) you have no reason to feel stupid. From what you've said, when you confessed your feelings to her, she blatantly said she shared the same feelings. Why in the Hell would you interpret that to mean anything other than she shared the same feelings? So, again, unless I am missing something, you did nothing wrong and she needs to grow the Hell up. Frankly, you deserve better.