My boyfriend keeps lying.

[NiamhManners]

Hi everyone,
I really need some guys opinions on this please?
I have been with my partner 3 years now, At the beginning i discovered he was still in a relationship with a girl and broke it off 3 days after we started going out. I forgave him for this as he was technically still with her but they hadnt physically been together, i was just mad because he had basically cheated on that girl and i didnt know he was with anyone else!
Anyway, 5 months I gave birth to our son Teifi, he is our first baby, and we love him to pieces.

We both quit smoking 2 years ago and since then, iv discovered on 3 separate occasions he has lied to my face and said he has not smoked but then iv found tobacco receipts and evidence he still smokes. Then when i show him the evidence he admits to it and says, "im just ashamed to tell you" the problem is, I told him the first time, Just tell me in future there is no need to lie if you lie to me again thats it! I will have to think about our relationship and if its worth all your lies! and hes promised he would every time, but he always lies to me!

I discovered today after months and months of giving him the benefit of the doubt that hes been smoking again
well needless to say, im so distraught! Iv been lied too again to my face and he didnt even say sorry, just excuses. I asked him what else hes been lying about and he said "I promise im not doing anything else" now i dont know how to show him im not having it anymore... I cant go away for a few days to cool down because i live with him and our son, and i dont have any family near by.

Any advice at all please?
Thank you

[Mindfun]

you obviously don't like this guy and you're attracted to him because you want to change him.once you do finally change him you will dump in because you disrespect him.

[SuperHappyTime1]

Any advice at all please?
Thank you

Smoking is a very tough habit to break.

Have you tried kicking him to the couch for the night?

[here_I_am]

I can understand this as had a similar problem with my b/f. He lied about not smoking and I'd find tobacco he'd pinched from me hidden inside various boxes, pockets etc. I could smell it on him. All I could say, it is a tough habit, for some, like me for example, it's almost impossible to kick. Maybe he doesn't want to quit smoking, so to not upset you, he's lying about it? I seriously think this is something you can easily get over. Compromise. Come on. Give him a condition, as long as you can't smell it on him, you can't see him do it, it's fine. He's an adult at the end of the day, if he wants to smoke, he will.

[Wakeup]

Why the **** would you tell him that you were going to leave him if he lied about smoking again if you had no intentions of leaving him? That is the silliest thing you could do. You cannot control him but you can control yourself so I suggest that you learn to control your need to control and just let him be. He will quit (just like you did) when he is ready. If you can't wait that long then learn to shut up or leave.

Harsh? Yes, but who do you think you are trying to control someone like that?

As an ex smoker I can clearly tell you that the more you bitch about it, the more he will find ways to hide his habit. Just let him smoke OUTSIDE away from you and the baby and give him all the information you can find on how to quit, what aids he can use both medical and non-medical support and anything you can google about the bad affects it can have on his health.

If he's smart then he will use some help to get off of them so that his baby doesn't inhale third hand smoke off his clothes.


In the long run and the bottom line. You bitching at him will do NOTHING to MAKE him quit. Stop being so controlling and be supportive in helping him stop.