Boyfriend lying to me about a girl. Pls, I need your advice.

[Michella]

I've been with him for 9 months in a long distance relationship, we see each other about twice a month, he has an apartment in my town. The 1st month he had a party at his place and his old friend (a girl) came with a girl, let's call her Alice. She looked really good. The next day he tells me "that girl, Alice, she was nice" Didn;t read much into it.. Next day she adds us both on Facebook.
Next month, he was talking about making a list of people for his birthday party, a small one like 15 people.. and he says I think I'll invite Alice too. I said, what? you only met her once and you invite her to your birthday? I thought you want to invite only close friends! Have you been talking since? He said no, I only talked to her once, at the party. And he said, oh, but she's coming with my friend. Anyway, I told him not to invite her and after a fight he didn't.
A few weeks later, he leaves his yahoo messenger open and I couldn't help but look in his mail. And surprise, he was talking to her via Facebook messages. It was only small talk, but still, he lied to me. I confronted him, he said he didn't tell me cause he wanted to avoid a fight. And then he said if I really wanted to talk to her, I would've added her on messenger but I didn't ask for her ID.
I forgave him eventually..
A few more weeks later, without trying to snoop, I opened a text file on his desktop named "useful things" There he had some links, bank accounts etc and an id, something like Alice19897 . I asked him who's id is this, he said oh, it's not that alice, it's someone else. I checked on a website her ID and her picture appeared. He said that he got the ID from his friend but same line, he didn;t want to start a fight so he didn't tell me.We also had a fight then, I asked him to delete her from facebook. He did, but after asking him several times.
A few months pass, he tells me oh, Alice sent me again a request on Facebook and I'll add her, just because I don't want her to think I've got something against her. I said I didn't want him to do that but he said he adds who he wants and he did. But promised me that he won;'t talk to her and he;d tell me if he did.
Time passes and again, he forgets his messenger open and I searched his e-mail .. to find out that they were talking again.. small talk..but also he was saying cute names to her and kisses, good night. I wanted to break up with him, he said they were talking like friends and he says cute names to everybody and so on. I also found a message from his friend saying "Alice asked me if you're single". Then I told him I want to change his relationship status on Facebook for people to see he's not, but he didn't want to, saying it;'s pathetic to do that.
Anyway, 2 weeks later he comes to my town and the first night he says babe, I want to go out with just the guys, I'll call you when I come home. When he comes home, I ask him who you were with? Was Alice there?(I just asked him without suspecting something) and because he thought someone told me about it, he said..oh..yes.. she stood at our table but the table was big.. And I got upset again cause he didn't want me to come cause it was a guys night and then he tells me girls were at the table too.
Should I break up with him? He says he has nothing to do with her and that he wouldve slept with her by now if he wanted to, but all these lies, why is he lying to me and hiding things if he says he doesn't want her?
Thank you!

[im_in_love]

I was on the fence about my reply up until I read the very last part. "I would've slept with her by now if I wanted to" -- that right there would be a deal breaker for me. That means he has NO problem cheating on you, and probably is, just isn't telling you (probably to "avoid a fight" - what a BS line, btw)

He only says that shit about not wanting to start a fight because he KNOWS he's doing something wrong, for the wrong reasons, and he doesn't think or hope you'll find out. But when you do, he knows he can fall back on that line. If he really thought of her as a friend he'd tell you he was talking to her, whether you were jealous or not.

Now I don't blame you for snooping his email and here's why - I always tell people this... If you feel the need/want to snoop and read their emails/texts, it's because he GAVE you a reason. Which means you'll always find something.

I would say sit him down one-on-one, don't yell or be angry at him, but just talk about it. Ask him straight up what's going on. Maybe he'll tell you the truth, maybe he won't. In the end it's really your choice whether or not to break up with him. I can tell you you're certainly not being treated right. He IS doing something wrong.

[Yet another guy]

I was on the fence about my reply up until I read the very last part. "I would've slept with her by now if I wanted to" -- that right there would be a deal breaker for me. That means he has NO problem cheating on you, and probably is, just isn't telling you (probably to "avoid a fight" - what a BS line, btw)

Err, doesn't that mean exactly the opposite? He says that doesn't want to cheat on her so he doesn't. Also, reading the beginning of the post suggests that if there wasn't anything fishy going on, "avoid a fight" seems like a very good argument considering how easily she starts a fight.

That said, OPs bf appears to be full of shit and there's probably some funny business going on.

[Lipp]

and after a fight he didn't.

he leaves his yahoo messenger open and I couldn't help but look in his mail.

without trying to snoop, I opened a text file on his desktop named "useful things"

We also had a fight then,

he forgets his messenger open and I searched his e-mail ..

I also found a message from his friend

If he wasn't taking it anywhere before it wouldn't surprise me if he could consider it now following all of that ...
Really, it would've been so simple - if you hadn't gone on an all-out defensive and provoke a fight by vetoing the first birthday invitation (his birthday), it would've been piece a cake for you both to show up and introduce yourself as his girlfriend to get her to know he's taken and back off. But nooo...

The easiest way to tell if they have anything going on is to be around when they're both there in person, not online text records that can be interpreted in a million ways (unless it's said explicitly, e.g. if he'd ask her out for a date or such, but alas, no) , but since he knows how agitated your are about her I sincerely doubt he would have you both within a 5 mile radius now.

[mwahahaha]

Hes pumped this Alice bird already, or its in the post.

Ive no time for these bawbags who try cheat on their gf and are just shit at it. Leaving his email open? Rookie error for me.

Ditch him before his stupidity rubs off on you. Losing out on 2 humps a month from a gayboy like him is no big loss, trust me, he sounds a total knob.

Hope this helps

[cggirl87]

Michella'
Learn from my mistake...read my post under "3 years and a 2 year old child". My boyfriend was doing the same exact thing before I discovered he was cheating on me. I remember he would have text messages in his phone from this girl. When I questioned him about it he would say things like "oh my friend uses my phone to text girls because he lost his phone." He used this same exact lie atleast three times. Each time I would ask advice from friends and they would tell me he's lying and cheating. However, I would always take him back. Your boyfriend is lying and definately talking to this girl. Why does she contine to pop up??? The same girl would always pop up and oneday I called the girl. She confessed that her and my bf had been talking and slept together several times. I took him back and he continued to cheat. You need to leave this guy alone because it will get worse. He will eventually have no respect for you and walk all over you. I wish I wouldve got out along time ago.

[cggirl87]

Like the poster before me said....dont let his stupidity rub off on you...it happened to me....instead of me getting out the relationship i cheated too...my boyfriend caught me and he's making a big deal about it and telling everybody he knows...now i look just as bad as him because i stooped to his level...im making the decision to leave when i shouldve let a long time ago....

[JammerHammer]

I think you should part ways with him. Lying and cheating ain't part of a healthy long-term relationship. Find another guy who's cooler and more honest, someone that will only look at you. Cheers.