Round and around We Go

[SpiritDancer]

Hi,

I'm just looking for a little advice. I've been dating this guy. Not long. 3 weeks but in those 3 weeks we had in excess of 10 dates. It was going well. Then one night I was staying at his and we got a little closer than we had previously (no sex) and in the morning I could tell there was something off with him. Sure enough a few hours later I got a text that said he needed to talk. I go around to his, we talk. He goes on about how his head is all over the place and he's got issues and doesn't want to burden me. I told him if his only problem was worried about me handling his problems that I could in fact handle them. He seemed relieved by that and said he didn't want to end what we had going. He wanted me to stay that night but I couldn't and left, I went back to his the next day and again he wanted me to stay but he knew I couldn't as we both had to work early the next morning and the logistics just weren't going to work.

He was due to go out with his friends on Friday night, he decided not to and asked if I wanted to go out for something to eat. I agreed and we went. We went back to his and we were sitting on the sofa and then all of a sudden I noticed a change in his body language. I said "Are you alright" he said "yeah" two seconds later I said "Do you want me to go?" and he said "No" then we sat in uncomfortable silence for a few minutes until he said "I have to be honest I don't know what I want"

Now let me give you some of his back story. He suffers from a range of problems which include depression, anxiety and unable to sleep at night. He also just broke up with his ex in May and he works with her. In fact on Thursday night he told me he wasn't looking forward to work the next day because she would be there. I don't know what happened between them because I don't really care but it appears like she f**cked him over quite a bit. I felt sorry for him.

Now back to Friday night. He said "I have to be honest I don't know how I feel" and I said "What do you mean?"

Him: "I feel panicky"

Me: "About what?"

Him: "Us. I didn't feel anything when we were kissing just now"

Now bare in mind this is probably over the 10th date (I lost track) and we've kissed a few times and also bare in mind that now he's fighting back the tears and I can see them.

Me: "Right, you just realized this?"

Him: "I'm sorry... I just don't know...My head is all over the place, I don't want to muck you around. It doesn't feel right"

I got up at that point and got ready to leave all the while he's saying "I'm attracted to you, your attractive, you get me, your affectionate, I like that... It just doesn't feel right" (He's still fighting back the tears here)

I put my jacket on and walk to the door, he follows I open the door "He says "I'm sorry" I look at him and can visibly see the tears in this guys eyes and I walk about without a word.

Is this not just the most confusing guy you've ever met?

My twenty minute drive home just gets me annoyed. I leave it an hour before being unable not to text him anymore. I deleted the texts and can't remember exactly what I said but it was something like "You didn't know before all the dates that you weren't attracted to me or didn't feel anything" then he said he had and he couldn't explain how he was feeling.

I did honestly like this guy, he was amusing and I like amusing people (and his body wasn't all that bad either) but seriously, he's all over the place. Anyone any ideas on what this guy wants/wanted because i'm seriously out of ideas.

[basilandthyme]

Sorry this guy didn't work out. I don't see there being much question about what he wants - he's given it 3 weeks, but it doesn't feel right and he's ending it so that he doesn't stuff you around. Yes, he could have done it earlier, but I guess he wanted to give it a bit more time and make sure he wasn't rushing the decision.

If him being teary and saying nice things is confusing you, try not to dwell on it. It's not uncommon to shed a tear if we know that we will be upsetting a person. And I'm sure he's right about the nice things he's said - however they aren't enough to make it work for him.

Oh well, be grateful that you didn't spend loads of time on him. And his mental health issues may have become a problem in time anyway. It's entirely possible that you've judge dodged a bullet.