Was I wrong to get mad

[BigJadedheart01]

So Friday was my B-Day. My bf had asked me two days prior to take him out of state to finalize a bill of sale on a vehicle he sold. It was an emergency because there had been an issue with the title and it needed to be resolved.
So I booked a room, paid for dinner, paid for gas, paid for everything. It was my birthday. The most he did was post Happy Birthday on my FB timeline. I finally broke late that night. His first reaction was to blame it on PMS.
The next day after the sale was finalized I finally confronted him and told him "I'm not confrontational, but you F'd up". He then said he had been scatter brained over the transaction and said he intended on making it up to me. He got me a HD t-shirt at the local dealership and we had a good time.
I know I make a lot more money than he does, but I felt really bad from the situation and I wish he would have just said something instead of letting me feel like he didn't care about me.

I know its past tense but I don't really want to discuss this with family and its still irking me a little bit.

[TheEvilJester]

Were you wrong to get mad? If you ask me, no. No you were not wrong in the least. If all he did for your birthday was some post on Facebook (and, from the sound of it, he barely even acknowledged your birthday face to face on the day of) then I think we could all understand why that would upset you. I think we'd all feel the same way in the same situation.

Now, you see you make a lot more money. Does he not make very much, or does he make a decent amount, you just happen to make a lot more? I ask because if he is really strapped for cash, then sometimes the unfortunate truth is the bills do have to come first. If he's at a state where he is struggling even to afford the bills, then maybe he really should be saving what he can and not buying birthday gifts. The fact that you paid for all his expenses on this trip leans me toward thinking that could be the case.

That still doesn't mean he can't make your birthday special in other ways. I will say this, though. We are not all like this (I'm actually unusually good at stuff like that) but in general guys can be kind of boneheads when it comes to stuff like that. That is no excuse, but I would venture to guess he probably didn't mean to upset you. He probably just had so much crap going on that he didn't think to do anything to make your birthday special. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying that is okay. I'm just saying, unless he has made a habit of constantly forgetting important events, I wouldn't worry too much about it.

You shared with him that it upset you. Don't make too big a deal of it and hopefully he will learn to do a better job in the future. Though, if it does become a constant that he forgets important events, then that may be time to reconsider whether that bothers you enough to be a problem. I know that, after the fact, you sometimes almost feel a little silly for being so upset over something like that, but little things like that DO matter.

I don't like his initial reaction to you being upset, but that could just have a lot to do with the other general stress he was facing. All of us are guilty of doing/saying things we don't mean when we are too stressed. He did try to make it up to you, so hopefully he can chalk that up to a lesson learned and do better in the future. You probably are going to be a little irked thinking about it for a bit because it is hard not to feel like you had to basically ask in order for him to do anything special for you. Hopefully, though, in the future he will remove the need for that issue by doing something without it having to be an issue.

[BigJadedheart01]

Thank you for your thoughtful response.
I make double what my bf makes and he has been trying to get at the point where I am at. It is frustrating to him, because I know that he wants to help out more. The situation he was in on my birthday was that he had sold something and not done it correctly and the buyer was threatening to ask for the money back. He also just got paid and practically his whole check was going to his part of rent. Its not that I didn't understand all this, but he did not seem to care much for me that day despite the fact that I was bending over backwards to help him out. As I said we worked it out and I did the right thing and confronted him the next day rather than doing the little girl thing and hold a grudge against him.
Compared to pretty much all my other bf's and a husband, he's light years ahead in how he treats me. I guess I'm just a little shocked by this one.

[TheEvilJester]

Okay. So it sounds like this was perhaps just one bone-headed offense from an otherwise good dude. Like I said, not that it is any excuse, but guys can be idiots when it comes to things like birthdays and anniversaries. Don't get me wrong, that is no excuse for them to become repeat offenders. At some point, any guy who cares about his gal (or fella... I can be PC ) needs to learn to be better about that. Little things like that DO matter. I know in the grand scheme of things, what is important is that you share your love and appreciate each other every day, not doing something special on one specific day. The thing is, we have holidays and birthdays for a reason. They force us to stop and appreciate things when life may otherwise run the risk of making us lose sight of the things and people we love. They force us to take some time off from the general hustle and bustle of life (even if just for an hour or two) to step back and enjoy life.

Those holidays and birthdays don't HAVE TO include spending a lot of money in order to be special. At times when maybe we are pouring all of our money into just making ends meet, there are other ways to make days like this special.

So, not only did he seem not to acknowledge your birthday, but you were bending over backwards (both in directly helping him, and in monetarily helping him) with his little professional incident and he didn't even stop for a moment to acknowledge that. Trust me, I understand how you feel. It isn't that you feel like you need him to say thank you. I venture to guess you were helping him, NOT because you wanted a thank you, or wanted to score brownie points, but because you love him and genuinely wanted to help him. That doesn't change the fact that, when you do so much for somebody, it can be hurtful if/when it feels like they don't even appreciate it.

In his defense, I am not a mind reader, but I would venture to guess he very much DID appreciate it, and very much did NOT intend to make you feel otherwise. Sometimes we guys are boneheads. We're not as in touch or open with our emotions. Most of us, anyway. I'm not saying that is okay, necessarily, but sometimes it just takes a little getting used to for guys to get better at showing they appreciate you. Hopefully your fella can take this as a lesson learned and he will wow you in the future.

Good luck to you! :-)