Where did i go wrong???

[sunnykraf]

Hi all

I was involved in a 4.5 years long relationship with this girl who loved me like anything (at least the first 3 years). We were in Long Distance Relation but still making it easily. We had our goals clear. We had thought of our kid's names. She was always the kind of girl who'd make heads turn when she would enter a room. How and why she fell for an average joe like me would always remain a mystery to me. She was going through a really bad and abusive relation when I first met her. I gave her all the support I could and wanted to comfort her in every possible way. I never wanted her to end that relation and fall for me. But that is exactly what had happened. Even years later when I used to ask her if I was her rebound, she used to reply that a number of guys had told her the same things I did but she also doesn't know why she listened to only me.

I became her savior from then on. Her god, her soul mate. She would say things like "God still has faith in a tainted soul like me and the fact that you are with me is a proof of that". I was an introvert guy who always had problems opening up to people. But with this girl, I was different. We were happy. We didn't need anybody else.

She went to a B-School for higher studies. Everything was fine and we celebrated our 3rd anniversary. Then the recession came and I wasn't able to get a job right after my post-graduation. That took a toll on me. This girl who had supported me all those years suddenly found me not good enough for her. She always has had guys drooling over her but in B-School it got out of hand. People were hitting on a girl who was "happy" in a 3 year old relationship. People tried to show their love by fasting and almost committing suicides. I wanted her to get out of that mess ASAP but I wasn't keeping a close tab on what was happening as I had my own **** to take care of. She knew I would be angry if I was told about the mess going on in the campus and in her life, so, she started hiding things from me. To "placate" all these apparent lovers she started going for movies, dinners, etc with them. All this while I was 8000 miles apart and barely making ends meet. We started fighting everyday. Instead of resolving the issues right there, she found her own solution, not talking about them. No talking = No fights. I felt suffocated and drowning in that mess day in day out.

So, I finally decided to go back to her (6 months after we started fighting). When I saw her after almost an year, she couldn't even look at me straight in the eyes. She was averse to my touch. It broke my heart. She wanted me to behave as a "normal" person and not as her BF. She wanted us to "break ice" before moving forward. Even when I landed there she continued seeing her lovers. I was always told that there is nothing serious between her and them (3 different guys). To me, our relationship ended the day I saw for the first time in 1 year. But I thought that this girl has loved me so much for so long and I should try to start afresh and give it my best shot. So, I took up a job in the nearby state and started visiting her once a while. The awkwardness was growing day by day. The fights continued and then eventually one day I decided that since she was not putting in any effort it was not possible to resurrect everything all by myself. I decided to split right before her bday. 2 weeks later I found myself crawling back to her, begging for another chance (4 months before the "D Day", biggest mistake of my life). I also thought that she used to love me more than I did and hence I was at fault because my love was not at par with hers. I took all the blame and started to work towards "fixing" things "again". She already told me not to have any expectations from her side. I stopped saying anything when I was told that she still goes out with those guys.

On my last trip to her campus, I was part of a random party on weekend where she got drunk and was flirting with every guy. The skewed sex ratio at her school made girls a hot property at the parties. She ended up in one of her "lover's" room after getting drunk. Although nothing happened between them, I told her that this was way too much for me to take. I had to stop the nice guy act. I packed my bags and went home. She realized her mistake and called me the day after. I was in no mood to take her call. 10 days later she mails me that some guy has proposed to her and she has decided to give him a shot because we were not going anywhere with our relation. The kicker was that she had met this only a week back and they had talked like 3-4 times. I'm not sad/angry that our relationship is over. I just feel violated, cheated and tricked. Now I feel that if she wanted to do this, she should have done this a long time ago. According to her, in the mail itself, she chose a "new" guy because she wanted to get rid of her 3 lovers and me. She has called me once since that mail. I did not pick up her phone. I have no intention of responding and telling her how I feel. But I just feel that I need to abuse her to get some sort of closure. I went to facebook and found that this new guy used to work for an Investment Bank before joining B-School. In the last year, she had started telling me that the only thing that will make her happy in the future is $$$$. She wanted money, power and fame. That pretty much sums up her whole mentality. I think my biggest mistake was not nipping it in the bud. I gave her too much freedom. The day she stopped thinking that she is a tainted soul, I was not good enough for her.

I was always told that girls go for money, nice guys finish last, blah blah. But with her all that seemed far from true. I thought that she was different. I thought that giving her all the freedom in the world would make her realize my value? Was I wrong? Is there no such thing like love? Is "it" bound to die over a long period of time?

I just hope I can get over the past ASAP. I really really want to move on with my life.

Sunny

[smackie9]

Relationships will come and go in your life. This one ended so will the next one and the next. Shit happens and you move on. You have to do a lot of kicking the tires like a used car, you have to test it out and if it starts to break down you go out and find another one to replace it.

[VincenzoG91]

A long-distance relationship during college years is pretty fragile. An LDR is tough anyway, but college is a time when people go through a lot of changes. Next time, date locally.

[girl68]

The mistake was assuming the relationship would last from afar.

[sunnykraf]

A long-distance relationship during college years is pretty fragile. An LDR is tough anyway, but college is a time when people go through a lot of changes. Next time, date locally.

Her previous relationship (the abusive one lasted more than 3 years). She used to refer to herself as "damaged goods", "used", "tainted". I did all I could to get that out of her mind. She was very insecure and wanted to marry me ASAP. She thought I was always looking for a way out. She wanted to send me an engagement ring on our 3rd anniversary. She would get irritated when I would talk about my female friends. Once she said that "You did not need friends before, why do you need them now, am I not good enough for you?". Remember, I was an introvert and had a limited friend circle.

In her defense, she always said that she is not in love with any of the guys she went out with and it is not her fault that they madly in love with her.

I always told her that guys will hit on any girl, be it single/committed/married/divorced. It is up to the girl to show them her intentions. And once you show your intentions clearly, no guy has the balls (or time for that matter) to keep chasing you. But she never listened to me. She lead them on and all of them kept thinking that eventually she'll fall for them.