How to convince my ex I no longer care about marriage?

[Wakeup]

Then ignored me for a full week when he went out of country to fix a "visa problem"

Oh My God. He's a terrorist.

[melancholia]

Well, Roses, let's take a line straight out of your ex's mouth: "Well you keep asking the same question...let's see where that gets you."

You continue to ask irrelevant questions in this forum. We've offered you our perspective, we've offered advice, some people have offered statements or advice that isn't very compassionate, but it is very clear that you still don't want advice. You want us to agree with everything you are thinking and feeling. You also want us to provide you with the perfect answers to all your questions, so that you can add more fuel to the fire you've started here. Your ex doesn't want you. He never did. He has told you this. He has followed those statements with actions to prove that he meant what he said when he would A) dump you if you kept pressing him about marriage, B) disrespect you and your relationship by going behind your back with other women, flirting, and asking to meet up, etc. He STILL doesn't want you and now you are acting out in bizarre ways out of desperation for a man who couldn't care less about you. It is sad. And I don't mean pathetic, it's actually heart breaking to read that you are still stuck in this perpetual state of "why can't he love me?" when you could be focusing on your own life. You are accepting this treatment because you believe it's what you deserve. Until you realize that you deserve better, your situation will not change.

[Wakeup]

it's actually heart breaking to read that you are still stuck in this perpetual state of "why can't he love me?"

Jeeze... You're getting far tooooooo involved then.

[Roses919191]

Jeeze... You're getting far tooooooo involved then.

Would he respect me more if I said "it's not just my fault, because the very first time I brought up marriage you tried to sneak around with another girl behind my back"?

[melancholia]

Would he respect me more if I said "it's not just my fault, because the very first time I brought up marriage you tried to sneak around with another girl behind my back"?

No. He would not respect you more if you said that. Do you know why he won't respect you more? Because he never had respect for you in the first place.

[Roses919191]

No. He would not respect you more if you said that. Do you know why he won't respect you more? Because he never had respect for you in the first place.

How come? I treated him well and I had a lot going for me. How do you explain a guy who spends a lot of time doing fun things with me and meets my family, but after 14 moths when I bring up that he hasn't said I love you back & im unsure we're on the same page, he says "I love you & will marry you someday whenever I decide the time is right" then immediately tries to sneak out with another girl to a bar at midnight and keeps flirting w her? And then "warns" me not to bring up marriage or else it'll take him longer to propose?

[melancholia]

How come? I treated him well and I had a lot going for me.

because it's not about you. It's not about what you can or have offered him, it's about his lack of respect for you. He obviously got something out of the relationship that he wanted and then decided to dump you when he felt the relationship had run its course.

How do you explain a guy who spends a lot of time doing fun things with me and meets my family, but after 14 moths when I bring up that he hasn't said I love you back & im unsure we're on the same page, he says "I love you & will marry you someday whenever I decide the time is right" then immediately tries to sneak out with another girl to a bar at midnight and keeps flirting w her? And then "warns" me not to bring up marriage or else it'll take him longer to propose?

I can't explain it. I am not your ex and I am also much better at recognizing and interpreting other people's emotions than he seems to be. What I am certain of is that he never intended to marry you. Ever. After you confronted him about his lack of vocalization of his feelings for you, he said he loved you and would marry you when *HE* decided the time was right. That isn't how marriage should work. Both partners should be ready to make that commitment at the same time. Marriage is not something to throw around and to be taken lightly.

Him sneaking around with another woman right after your confrontation shows that he probably wanted you to break up with him. That's a classic manipulative tactic - to get your SO to break up with you so that you don't look like the asshole. However, that plan backfired and he wound up having to dump you again. His warnings to you to not bring up marriage or it would take him longer to propose are just asshole moves on his part. I can't explain them to you because I don't think the same way he does. I would never say to someone whom I love, and who loves me, that if they asked me about marriage I would dump them.