Need advice from women.

[dark_prince]

Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have been working with a woman in my office for a while. She has been in the same office for two years but it wasn't until 8-9 months ago when I started working with something where I required her assistance. So after a while it kind of developed from colleague to friendship and now it feels like it's going further. We have clicked on so many levels, she is amazing to spend time with. We've had some lunches together, some of them 2-3 hours! So much stuff to talk about. And here is where us sometimes clueless guys wonder into the great unknown. I would really want to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I haven't gotten much chance to talk to her about it. We did start to talk about it, but got interrupted. But one issue she mentioned was of course the age difference. She's 32 and I'm 49. But on the other hand she didn't completely reject me either. So now I'm just wondering what next. How can I get her to at least try it out and see what happens? If there's nothing there, then we can just move on and at least know we tried. I think it would be easier to work together after that also.

So you women out there, what should a man do in this situation?

[friendsfirst]

Ask her out! Talk to her about it over a nice dinner or something...

[melancholia]

Hi, I am looking for some advice. I have been working with a woman in my office for a while. She has been in the same office for two years but it wasn't until 8-9 months ago when I started working with something where I required her assistance. So after a while it kind of developed from colleague to friendship and now it feels like it's going further. We have clicked on so many levels, she is amazing to spend time with. We've had some lunches together, some of them 2-3 hours! So much stuff to talk about. And here is where us sometimes clueless guys wonder into the great unknown. I would really want to spend more time with her and get to know her better. I haven't gotten much chance to talk to her about it. We did start to talk about it, but got interrupted. But one issue she mentioned was of course the age difference. She's 32 and I'm 49. But on the other hand she didn't completely reject me either. So now I'm just wondering what next. How can I get her to at least try it out and see what happens? If there's nothing there, then we can just move on and at least know we tried. I think it would be easier to work together after that also.

So you women out there, what should a man do in this situation?

Your mentality seems to be on the right track. I think you should just go for it and ask her out! Women are just like men, in the sense that, unless you ask, you will never know what they are thinking. She may be equally as into you, but feeling uncertain how she should bring it up to you. At the same time, though, you don't want to get ahead of yourself and expect too much, too soon. So be prepared for the chance that she could reject your date proposal, but she still may want to be friends. If you are honestly able to move forward, just as friends (if that's what she wants - you still never know!), then at least you will know where you stand and you can move on.

Keeping yourself stuck in limbo because you're too nervous to take a chance and ask her out is the worst plan anyone can have. Just do it! Be bold, but don't forget to be yourself as well, and see how things go with her.

[dark_prince]

First of all, thank you for your replies. Interestingly enough, none of you mentioned the age difference. Perhaps that is not such a big deal for women after all. Personally I don't find it being a big issue. Someone told me once that don’t define love by the number of years between two people, but rather by the truly important qualities such as friendship, respect, communication, dreams and goals.
I think the main reason why I haven't asked her yet is the fear of rejection. But I also feel that if I don't make a move, I will regret it for the rest of my life. So I will ask her out somewhere nice and see what happens.

[topazlight]

I don't think that age difference would be an issue. Being in 30s and 40s isn't a big gap, you still can have a lot in common. I agree with asking her out too, see if she'd like to explore any kind of relationship with you. Good luck.

[melancholia]

First of all, thank you for your replies. Interestingly enough, none of you mentioned the age difference. Perhaps that is not such a big deal for women after all. Personally I don't find it being a big issue.

Nobody mentioned the age difference, because it's irrelevant. You're both adults, with enough life experience to be able to relate to each other. If she were 22 and you were 39, I would say that's more of a discrepancy, not so much because of your ages, but because you would be at such different places in your life from a developmental and experiential stand point. When you're in your 30s and 40s, the gap between years seems to shrink. Plus, women tend to want to settle down around their early to mid 30s, while men tend to want to settle down toward their later 30s and early 40s, so age gaps can even be beneficial in some cases.

Someone told me once that don’t define love by the number of years between two people, but rather by the truly important qualities such as friendship, respect, communication, dreams and goals.

Yes! Compatibility in all of those areas is far more important than age, at least in my opinion.

I think the main reason why I haven't asked her yet is the fear of rejection. But I also feel that if I don't make a move, I will regret it for the rest of my life. So I will ask her out somewhere nice and see what happens.

We all fear rejection. We all fear the moment when we are finally able to let ourselves be vulnerable with someone we fancy. Every single freaking person fears the same thing, but it doesn't stop people from going out and doing it. Sure, you may end up slightly embarrassed, or disappointed if she turns you down, but you may as well find out sooner rather than later. Besides, you never know what she is thinking. She could be worried about the same things you are, or maybe she leans toward the more "traditional" side of things and prefers when the man makes the first move. I can't be sure what she thinks or wants, and obviously you can't be sure either. So I reiterate my previous statement before and I say, go for it!

[dontaskme]

Personally, yeah, 17 years is a little too much. By the time your 65 and retired, she'll only be 48 and at the peak of her career. The age difference may not creep up now but it will at some point when you get much older.

Age gaps are really more of a personal preference, why don't you ask her what she prefers before even asking her out on a date?

[dark_prince]

So, a bit of an update on this. Took her out for dinner last night, told her how my feelings have gone further than friendship. And that I would like to see if this can be something. She expressed similar feelings, and we agreed that we would work on getting to know each other better to see what can come out of this. Internally I was doing the happy dance for quiet a while!
But this morning she received news that her dad was in the hospital. He has been sick for a while, but this development was a surprise for his family. Now I'm just trying to be there for her. Do whatever I can to support her during this difficult time. At the same time I know how hard it is for her, so I'm keeping my distance a bit so that I don't suffocate her. I just don't know how to help her, she's not the type of person that would ask for help.

[megvoh]

^ Thoughtful texts asking how things are and reminding you are always there for a shoulder to lean on and maybe offer a dinner especially if she is stressed and not eating.
She doesn't need to ask for help if you readily offer it.

[lovemohini]

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[smackie9]

She has her family to support her, so give yourself some distance so she can focus on her father. A few nice texts, maybe some simple flowers to cheer her up is what I was thinking. Of course she may want to just go out as a "distraction" not a therapy session.

Being there for her too much may back fire on you because you will a reminder of this event or get tossed into the friends zone. You want to make sure the time you spend with her is to develop romantic feelings. Selfish as it may seem, but she will not be in any condition emotionally for a relationship. It's so bad timing for sure. We are here for you if you have anymore questions best of luck.