need some advice from women urgent

[surfac]

Please help I am desperate!

I am 26 years old and have just come out of a 4 and a half year long relationship.I was completely crazy about this girl from the moment I met her. From the beginning we started dating, she wanted to break up with me after a few weeks, because she was afraid i would cheat on her like her last boyfriend. This happened a few times as she had her flashback moments but we always staid together.

After 3 years of us being together, her parents started to build a new house with the upper floor for her and me. She asked me if I would move in with her, at first I said shure. But when they started to build the house I started to back away. I am still a student and don't have any money so I felt really bad when I thought I would move in a flat her parents would pay for and everything. Because of that I shut my self off from the new house. I didn't help her at planing and decorating and everything and I became really passive in the relationship. Now after one and a half year she said that I have completely pushed her away by not helping her with the house and not standing by her side, so she is completely cold towards me. She said she needs time now for herself, to finish her university and to get a fulltime job. At first I begged her to give me another chance but she said I should work on myself too and finish my studying, and it is no use for use to jump back together, and we should let the time tell if after so much time we will still miss each together we shall talk then, if not we can stay friends. She even offered to stop calling me so I can get myself back together but I told her I like hearing her voice.
After a few days of my missery I told her I will give her time to work on herslef and I will work on myself and hopefully we will end up together again. She said I shouldn't think about us, but just about myself and let the time tell.
I still really wan't her back so badly, I even thought through the new house and everything, I came to a conclusion that I was only afraid and I should have stood by her side and helped her, now I would do anything to make her happy and have her back.
I am not shure about her intentions as she keeps calling me evey day, from time to time she even tells me she likes me and calling me honney and sending me kisses. When we went for lunch the other day she hugghed me and gave me a long kiss on the mouth, so I am totally confused. This happened also a few days later, when she asked me to go with her shopping for iphone case and she kissed me in the store. When she dropped me of at home I told her that she still means a lot to me and she said I do to her as well. I told her I only wan't her to be honest with me and not to give me false hope just so that I will find out later that she has a new guy. She said she won't give me false hope and that she has no interest in guys at the moment she only want's to work on herself. I am still hoping that she is waiting for me to make something out of myself, get a job and get my life in order, and then she might come back.
I don't wan't to get my hopes up for us getting back together just to be disappointed later on. I don't know what to do, but I wan't her back so desperatelly, she is the love of my life. Please help!!!

[pcmaster]

It looks like shes still with you. Dont really see where is the break up if ou still talk, meet and kiss.
Dont thing that job will help to get her back. Its more about inner confidence. If you are gona become a milionare tomorrow that means shes with you for life - thats not how it works. If you look in the past then you never had much and she was with you. Its not the money she liked you for.

At some point you started to concentrate on the wrong shit and didnt gave her best of you. She may thought that you not sure about her while in fact you wasnt sure about yourself. However both options stings like cows shit to girls. What happened you inflicted her with your doubt and she started to think that your feelings are not so strong or that you are not reall that good if you think like that(doubt) about yourself.

After all what matters is she still trying to encourage you and if you not a complete retart you will find a confidence to be together with her.
This is some funny vid but will help a bit to understand
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gc8_-p6ZSiU

[smackie9]

She has a good point and that you do need to work on you "COMMUNICATION" and grow some man balls. This is real life and you do need to step up and be a man. Right now you are being a big pussy. You need to stop worrying and get some confidence in yourself and this relationship. The more you keep bugging her about the future and that you could be wasting your time, the more likely will ditch you ass for good.....so shut it, and shut off this insecurity. She is doing this to make you realize, if you want to make this work for the long haul, marriage, house, kids, responsibilities, you are going to have to prove to her you have the back bone to do it.

Dude it's been 4 and a half f uckin years! and you refused to move in with her? That's a slap in the face to her, and I do not buy the "I don't have any money". That is why her parents are doing this for you two, so that you can have a place together, and when school is all done you will be able to contribute. They just want to help you out because they love you and will do anything for you two. They are not stupid...they know you don't have any money.

[HeartIsAching]

You might say "Baby, I can't stand this, can't stand not being with you. Can we work on this together?"

[pcmaster]

Seen few girls who been with poor guys. In the end the girls leave and never go back to guys like these. Becaue they have too much complexes they think if they dont have a money than their love is not good enought. When infact young girls just want to feel loved and apreciated, no one wants to be alone anyway. Lots of couples start out with nothing and acomplish huge things over the years.

[surfac]

Thanks for all the answers! So what would be the best step to do now? Should I work on myself and give her the time she needs to decide and not call or text her every day? Because she calls me and sometimes she is very distant towards me and sometimes very sweet. I don't want my actions to drive her further away.

[smackie9]

Tell her how you feel, and of course apologize for being such a pussy for not moving in. Let her know you see her side of things. And then show her how you will be making full effort for the future of your relationship.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Tell her how you feel, and of course apologize for being such a pussy for not moving in. Let her know you see her side of things. And then show her how you will be making full effort for the future of your relationship.

I think this is good. I just want to add that if she says no, you should stop all contact with her.