mixed messages

[Afinefrenzy]

I met this girl last year and we became really good friends, neither of us were interested in 'anything' at the time, but eventually we both started flirting. In the end something happened between us both which was the first time for both of us, and obviously after it was a bit awkward, but I felt so confused too. She said it was amazing, but at the same time she said she wanted to stay friends. I felt pretty conflicted and upset, but I really didn't wanna lose her as a friend so I accepted that, but then almost immediately she started flirting with me again, and I felt a bit confused, as if I wanted to say "You want to be friends but you wanna keep flirting with me?"

We're both at uni and live quite a distance away from each other. We spoke online all summer and met up once for a few days, we had a brilliant time. Then we came back to uni. We were still flirting with each other quite a lot, Then we got close again but I felt so strange. She made me promise we were gonna stay just friends after what happened last time, like made a big deal about it, so I did and I really meant it, and when we got close again I kept remembering that so I stopped. I felt really conflicted. I said to her that I was sorry because I really don't wanna lose her as a friend, but I was honest with her too that I can't help how I feel about her. She said she really does care about me as a friend, but again, she keeps on flirting with me.

The problem really is, I totally care her as a friend, but I can't help feeling attracted to her. I keep telling myself to stop how I feel but I can't. Then we'll do random intimate kinda stuff, like massages, but it feels so one sided, and in truth it is, it's me doing it, but at the same time I keep thinking "shes happy for me to do it, but she knows how I feel about her." Like just last night, the same thing happened, and this morning I woke up and thought to myself, "I just don't know what to think"

I really don't even know if she even 'fancies me' or is in any way 'attracted' to me - but still we keep flirting. I flirt back but sometimes I feel upset because I don't know where I stand or if she likes it all because it makes her feel good. I feel so mixed up about it all. Does she even like me? Does she even feel attracted to me? Why does she keep flirting with me?

The more this goes on, the more conflicted I feel. But when she flirts with me, I can't help but flirt back. Does any of this make sense? I'm just started to feel a bit upset... I don't know what she wants, I keep sensing she doesn't want anything other than a friend who she likes flirting with but nothing more. I'd rather just know for certain if she likes me or not, but I don't know how to ask without being straight forward and I really care so much about her I don't wanna upset her. At the same time she's my only really good friend here at uni, she's been such a good friend to me and we've had such a good time, I'm so worried if I say anything she'll just back off and leave me alone. So I feel conflicted, confused and trapped.

[basilandthyme]

and I felt a bit confused, as if I wanted to say "You want to be friends but you wanna keep flirting with me?"

You know how you wanted to say this? You SHOULD have said it. But it's not too late - this is a conversation the two of you need to have. If she wants to be 'friends only' then tell her she needs to stop winding you up by flirting with you.

If she can't stop messing with your head, then perhaps you'll have to end the friendship.

[Afinefrenzy]

How do I approach that? I mean, what do I even say? I keep wanting to say something but I can never figure out how to. I kinda tried to once, and she said she cares about me a lot, she thinks im an amazing person and im really kind... but as awful as it sounds I can't help but feel like I really just wanna 'know' for certain how she feels about like... as anything else... because if not then at least I know...

[basilandthyme]

You wait till she is flirting and then you call her on it. No different to calling out one of your mates if need be.