Instant Soulmate Sensation with Complications

[clumsy]

I'm recently separated from my husband, we have 2 children. We've had escalating relationship difficulties over quite some years, to be honest, we should've done this a long time ago. He lives near the home, to return regularly to help look after the children and we're still finding our feet with a balance of our new relationship as co-parents but not husband and wife. We both realised that the decision was for the best and I certainly feel a lot more like me for the first time in years! This week I attended a 5 day training course, like a conference, with hundreds of people attending, something to further my career. Something totally unexpected happened while I was there and I'm asking the males here for some perspective as it's complicated, but has really blown my mind. Sat in the training room, a fellow trainee arrived late, sat across the aisle for me. Being day 1, I was focussing hard to concentrate on the course, but throughout the day, felt as though he was regularly looking across at me, even sensed him breathing heavily. Towards the end of the day, having not yet spoken, we shared a glance as we mutually giggled at a video and my heart started pounding. Later that evening, we connected on twitter and the next morning, he greeted me at coffee with a kiss on the cheek, holding my arm and saying that we were instant friends. For the next 4 days, we attended different courses, but each day at breaks, we'd migrate to each other, he greeted me with a kiss, suggesting we go out for coffee and our conversations were intense. We both shared that we were single parents, silly common interests (movies, food etc), which he seemed overwhelmed to hear. I clumsily sprained my ankle on day 2 and he waited for me at the end of the day, put me in a cab, kissed me and watched me go, sent me messages later to see if I was ok. We sat next to each other at lunch, he took me out for coffee, lunch another day, to a museum and we grew a habit of always sitting together, sharing jokes, little physical brushes and deep conversations about our lives. We both caught trains from the same station and each night missed our trains as we sat chatting, sharing more and more information, and as something new was revealed, it seemed incredible how our opinions matched. It felt as though I had known him forever and then not. We nearly kissed properly one night, but it became an awkward peck on the lips, followed by an intense embrace - clearly we both had complications. The next morning, I sensed turmoil when he arrived looking exhausted, he shared that he had been in a very on/off relationship for the past 3 years. They only moved in together 3 weeks ago, but had recently split, due to the fact that she mentioned kids and he has always made it clear that, already having his own, it was not something he wanted at all. He said he felt she never really accepted his relationship with his son, was an issue that bothered him and she travelled a lot, which was something that caused problems between them. I told him it was something I feared meeting someone new, as I would need them to understand I wouldn't want more kids and that I would prioritise my kids over the relationship on occasion, so had thought that if I did meet someone, it may be best if he had kids too. He shouted out "yes exactly" and it seemed to just deepen our bond. The gf has been away for the whole week and is due back tomorrow. He's not sure how the conversation will go, he clearly still has feelings, but at the same time, says that he knows if they stay together it would be papering over cracks and preventing her from having kids with someone else. On our last evening, we stood in silence on the tube back to the mainline, I asked if he was ok and he replied he was thinking about the coffee shop by the seaside idea we'd fantasised about days before. We agreed to have one last coffee and chat. We skated over talking about what had happened between us. Just before my train was due, I decided to take the bull by the horns and say something, figured if I didn't, I would regret it and if it went wrong, it would just be my damaged pride to retrieve. I said "just before we go, I want you to know that I wasn't expecting to meet someone at all, let alone someone I had such an amazing connection with" at this point I started to get a bit choked and I noticed his eyes were looking watery too. He held me to him and said, yes me too. He walked me to my platform and just like some scene out of a movie, we kissed properly and hard. I said, I was glad we'd kissed, if we hadn't we may regret it and I didn't want to have regrets. He said he'd check in on me soon and that he'd email me some of the course stuff. I didn't look back, felt overwhelmed and dazed as to what had just happened. Now of course 24 hours later, no contact after such an intense week, I'm left wondering if a) I'll ever hear from him again, b) if I should just leave him alone to come to me -he obviously has a lot to sort and so do I c) send him a jokey message - I don't mean sexy, but something like an image of our ideal coffee shop or maybe something silly like we'd shared in the week, just so he knows I'm thinking of him d) I have no idea what d is, but I'm praying it isn't forget about him. When I got home, I composed a page long note to get out all the thoughts and feelings I'd had this week, things I'd want to share with him, but could mess with his head. Advice please!!!!

[melancholia]

He said he'd check in on me soon and that he'd email me some of the course stuff. I didn't look back, felt overwhelmed and dazed as to what had just happened. Now of course 24 hours later, no contact after such an intense week, I'm left wondering if a) I'll ever hear from him again, b) if I should just leave him alone to come to me -he obviously has a lot to sort and so do I c) send him a jokey message - I don't mean sexy, but something like an image of our ideal coffee shop or maybe something silly like we'd shared in the week, just so he knows I'm thinking of him d) I have no idea what d is, but I'm praying it isn't forget about him. When I got home, I composed a page long note to get out all the thoughts and feelings I'd had this week, things I'd want to share with him, but could mess with his head. Advice please!!!!

If it's only been 24 hours since you saw him last, then give him some time. Maybe he hasn't talked to his girlfriend yet, or maybe he's still dealing with the aftermath of the break up conversation (if they actually did have that conversation). I think you should give it a rest for the time being, let him get settled back at home, and allow him the opportunity to end his relationship properly before you start something up right away. He may also just need some time to wrap his brain around everything. Either that, or he enjoyed the time you spent together during your brief tryst, but never had any intentions of carrying out anything further. If you haven't heard from him in a week, I would send him a message asking if he's settled in okay, and just to check in and see how he's doing. You will find your answer based on his response.

[clumsy]

That is great advice, just what I needed to hear, thank you.

If it's only been 24 hours since you saw him last, then give him some time. Maybe he hasn't talked to his girlfriend yet, or maybe he's still dealing with the aftermath of the break up conversation (if they actually did have that conversation). I think you should give it a rest for the time being, let him get settled back at home, and allow him the opportunity to end his relationship properly before you start something up right away. He may also just need some time to wrap his brain around everything. Either that, or he enjoyed the time you spent together during your brief tryst, but never had any intentions of carrying out anything further. If you haven't heard from him in a week, I would send him a message asking if he's settled in okay, and just to check in and see how he's doing. You will find your answer based on his response.