What's wrong with me?

[laylee32]

I'm a 32 woman with solid looks, tall, stay in shape with a good looking face (at least that's what I hear all the time). And no, I don't think looks is important that much, I'm just trying to present the whole picture of myself. On the other hand, I hold a degree, solid job, bought my own car, in the process of buying my own flat, I have lovely friends, the family who is dysfunctional but I made a peace with it. I had 4 long-term relationships in my life and the last one left me crushed and heartbroken cuz I was planning a serious future with that guy. Long story short, that relationship developed into toxic one, I moved out after the third time he done something which I've said I couldn't ever forgive anymore. Months and months of his begging to forgive him, I waited (with continued being close friends with him but with no intimacy) for some major act from his side which could prove that that thing won't ever happen again but that act came almost 8 months in the form of him moving on. He found someone else. Game over. I'm 32 and single, dunno what hurts more - the fact that this broke my heart or the fact that I have to hurry to catch the train for possible marriage and family.

I don't have the strength to date, to meet new people, I have tried but I keep comparing everyone to him. I just want to relax, do my fitness and live in the shadow for a year or two until I heal but it terrifies me that I feel I don't have time. It's like some kind of clock is ticking above my head and screaming that I'm running out of time. I really don't want to feel like that, and would love to just chill and relax and more than anything I don't want to settle because if I wanted to settle at least I would have settled for my ex which I loved deeply and who was my best friend for 6 years before the relationship.

I've learned a lot about myself in last year and a half, I really want a relationship with someone I can grow and develop into better person every day but I want that with someone who has a sense of integrity, with whom I share similar passion of life and of course with someone who I feel chemistry with.

I just feel that something went wrong down the line if I hadn't made it in 4 long term relationships, I finally realize my shortcomings and faults but I'm afraid that I don't have time to find the right man...

[relblogger]

You have plenty of time to be sucked up in life. Enjoy it.

My biggest regret in my 20's was that I was too busy searching for a soul mate that I missed out on living my life.

Enjoy it whilst you can

When you're too busy with life - things happen. That's where the magic begins

[laylee32]

You have plenty of time to be sucked up in life. Enjoy it.

My biggest regret in my 20's was that I was too busy searching for a soul mate that I missed out on living my life.

Enjoy it whilst you can

When you're too busy with life - things happen. That's where the magic begins

But I'm not in my 20s...I'm in my early 30s so I feel like I have lost the love of my life and I'm so heartbroken that I have to do it all over again...I feel like at the time I'll be ready for the new relationship I'll be like 34...it all goes so slowly for me, I can't attach to anyone because no one comes close to comparing. SO my mind is tricking me with stupid stuff like "Oh my ex would found this funny, this loser doesn't" or "Oh my ex would say something funnier to this scene.." or the other day when I was feeling sick and didn't get the attention which I thought was normal I was instantly feeling like "oh my ex would pamper me 100 times better than this.."

It just like I can't get him out of my head!!

[PrinceFSA]

I don't get it, why didn't you take him back when he begged you for months and months? 8 months is a looonnngggg time. My ex is doing the exact same thing to me, she won't accept my apologies, but she stays really good friends with me and a business partner. Now I'm at the verge of moving on, your story just opened my eyes. Go get him back, obviously you love him, obviously your a strong beautiful woman, don't let that come in your heart's way. If he loves you as much as he begged you, he will come back to you and hopefully won't do those mistakes again. I know I wouldn't.