New GF travels a lot, loosing it.

[twooddtrees]

Ok, so curious here. My new GF, 2 months, travels a lot. She is a grad student, we are both 40's. she left for just over 2 weeks to Africa for a project and did not have wifi. so I receive very few messages and they are short, when she can jump on the one computer. So I did ask her if she has any more of these long trips planned and she said no. So here it is...We seem a perfect fit, we are really falling for each other. I missed her tremendously, and this last weekend was really tough on me. Now yesterday something turned off. I don't care anymore! She will be back in 2 days, but I am very indifferent and no longer see her as special and safe. I may be a bit needy, but I also know I am as nuts as any other divorced person. Now I do have PTSD from my military service, I feel this causes me to turn off to protect myself. So question is, have any of you experienced this? I may see her and it will all fall back into place, or this may be a defense mechanism. I am new to this so please any experience and insight is valued.

[TheEvilJester]

I mean, that's not really something we can answer for you just over a message board. It is possible that the time apart made you realize you aren't really as interested in her as you thought.....

Or it's possible that it is just a defense mechanism your mind has sort of created so you don't get too hurt. We can't really answer that for you. I think all you can really do is wait until she returns and being with her again may help you to figure that out. Believe me, I think we can all understand developing "defense mechanisms" like this. I, myself, have disappeared into my darkness in the past when love seemed unattainable. It's not that I WANT to, it's that I see no hope, so what is the point?

The thing is, from what you've described, it does sound like you are both enjoying each other's company very much. So, you currently have no real reason to believe that won't continue to be the case. So, as best you can, don't allow yourself to shut down and possibly miss out on a good thing.

As much as life sometimes hurts, it IS worth surviving the pain to find your way to the good times. If you continue with her, could you just wind up being hurt in the end? Sure, but you could also wind up realizing she is the gal you've been looking for all your life. You'll never know if you don't try. Also, honestly, don't be opposed to seeking the help of a professional if you think it may help. If your "defense mechanism" gets so bad to where you stop allowing yourself to be open to relationships at all, a therapist could possibly help you get through that. It is NOT a sign of weakness to accept help when you need it, nor is it a sign of weakness to need it. You deserve to be happy. Life gets in the way of our happiness enough as it is.... don't get in the way of your own.

Good luck to you. And, sincerely, thank you for your service. If you were brave enough to do that, you can certainly be brave enough for this.

[twooddtrees]

"As much as life sometimes hurts, it IS worth surviving the pain to find your way to the good times." that is awesome! I am going to save this line. Thank you!

[TheEvilJester]

I am flattered. :-) Glad my words could help, even if just in some small way. And, really, I am living proof, even if I may not be feeling it these days. I've not really been in a good place lately, but that will pass. I've survived through some tough times, and I always come out stronger for it.

You a soldier. You were practically bread for that. ;-) You'll kick this thing's butt in no time. Good luck to you!

[twooddtrees]

Update, I saw her and it all fell back into place. I may be nuts as hell, but hopefully I can control it. Thanks for your support!

[TheEvilJester]

No, believe me, I fully understand how you feel. I have this same sort of defense mechanism. A lot of it comes from never believing anything good could happen to me. So, even when it does, I'm almost convinced it will either end, or prove to be too good to be true.

If you let it, that sort of thinking can cause you to self-sabotage. So, though I know from experience it isn't easy, the trick is to make sure you do NOT self-sabotage. Learn to better balance this and be more self-aware to know that you do this.

Sounds like you are on the right track. Good luck, friend! :-)

[lovesickheart]

So happy to hear that it fell back into place!
And TheEvilJester... your advice is always spot on! You rock!!

[TheEvilJester]

Naw, but maybe I roll sometimes. I feel old for a relatively young man. LOL!

Seriously, though, you rock, lovesick. Me, I'm like moldy old cheese. I'm one step away from wearing my pants just below my nipples, having thicker hair in my ears than on my head, and starting every other sentence with "HEH?!?!"