So be prepared with this forewarning! This email is a bit lengthy and has been copied from an original text I had prepared. I've made some alterations to my lifestyle and have been bettering myself as well as learning to accept things and even welcoming, namely Marijuana, which you'll come across in the message. Keep in mind that this is merely my side of the story, but I'm being very honest and forward with everything as well as my own mistakes.

Here we go.

I've been dating this girl, well I was up until recently and she meant the world to me. We have a few differences, like she enjoys smoking weed and stuff like that and I don't. Either way, when I first met this girl I knew all of this stuff about her. It didn't keep me away from her and the more I hung out with her the more fascinated I became by her. I enjoyed being in her presence and I would drive an hour away on nights that I had to be up at 4 in the morning just to spend some time with her.

Eventually I started to fall in love with her and she did with me, too. This girl meant the world to me, she gave me the best summer of my life, she made me feel new again and she said my name in a way that made me feel like the greatest man in the world. Well we wound up moving in together fairly quickly, namely due to our previous living arrangements. Things were great and I loved waking up next to her every morning. When she needed help finding a car, I did my best to find a good one where she could make payments from a family friend and in the mean time, I let her drive my car to work every day and I started to walk home, just so she didn't have to. Every time she wanted something and needed something, I was there for her. I did everything without hesitation. If it made her happy, I was on it. When we first started the relationship, she told me that she didn't want to smoke pot anymore because she loved being sober with me, but as months passed, she started asking me how I would feel about her doing it again. At first it hurt me, because I thought that she was enjoying life with me and being happy. Well we got in an argument over it, I got upset when she shutdown on me and I took my frustrations out on myself, physically.

She left and wanted time to think about our relationship, well she didn't say anything to me for about two weeks and then she wanted to see me again. I took off of work just to go pick her up that afternoon, drove an hour out to pick her up and we talked. I apologized about my behavior and told her that if I get like that again to talk to me.

When she came back I told her I needed help with bills, because I let her stay with me without paying so she could get her life on track. I took care if her and supported her. One night she wanted weed, so I stayed up all night while she slept just so I could get it for her even though I didn't really care for it. I accepted her for her wants and desires and I encouraged her. She wanted a nose piercing and was afraid to do it, so I surprised her by taking her to the tattoo shop to get it done. I told her to just go for it and that I supported her it. I helped her pick out the ring, I held her hand during the session, I rubbed her back and wiped away her tears. I did everything to comfort her. Hell she was so thankful that I made her do it. Damn she was so happy and that in return made me happy.

When things started getting tough though, I started stressing and I started to ask her for help. I told her before she bought drugs that she needed to help me first. Well she started inviting her family over to my one bedroom apartment for days on end without talking to me about it and it stressed me out even more. I tried to talk to her about it and she got defensive and started saying that I hated her sisters and I always acted like a jerk to those girls. I want always pleasant when I first got home from work when I had three grown girls sitting around for three days straight and using up my electric, I felt like I was being used, but I always did everything I could to make them feel at home.

Well on Christmas day she told me she wanted to spend the day apart and it hurt me so badly that I took my frustrations out on myself again, now keep in mind I know that's not cool, but I also suffer from PTSD and it's my natural reaction. So she broke up with me Christmas day and has been treating me like trash ever since.

Here and there she would ask me to give her a ride or pick her up from work and she would offer to pay me, but I would refuse any payment as I just wanted to spend some time with her.

I acted foolishly a few weeks ago. I saw her at the mall with her mom and some dude that lives with them. The day before that I had a coworker tell me that she saw my ex with some other guy at Walmart holding hands and stuff. I confronted her mother about it and she told me that my coworker was a liar and that my ex was focusing on herself and not dating. Anyways when I saw at the mall with that other guy it freaked me out and in an act of jealousy and curiosity I followed them, Yeah stupid move on my end. They knew I was doing it and they did their best to avoid me. After that I contacted her mom again and admitted to the situation in which she immediately blocked me. I understand it was a stupid mistake and should have just walked away, but I didn't. Now 70 percent of her family and friends have blocked me on social media.

What can I do? Is there any hope of repairing this and is there any chance she will comeback? I'm trying my best to remedy myself and focus on getting better, but I can't help but to think about her everyday.