How should I make him understand?

[melissa123]

My friend is proposing a girl, whom he just met. I mean, its been only a year that they've been dating each other and he is so much in love with her, that he tells me, he will be proposing her soon. I've been telling him not to and to give it more time. But, yesterday he showed me some cushion cut engagement rings, from Phera Diamonds, Vancouver, and asked me to select the best from it. I don't think he is doing the right thing, cause I don't think this relationship is gonna last for long. How do I make him understand this?

[TheEvilJester]

Honestly, there may not be anything you CAN do. I know how you feel. I've been in a similar situation with a friend who CONSTANTLY did this. He'd date a girl for, like, a month, then suddenly they'd be engaged. Then.... two months later they would be broken up.... and a few months later he'd just start the whole process over with some other girl.

Unfortunately, some people will just never learn, and no matter how gently or not-so-gently you try to help them, it just won't help. As a last ditch effort, maybe you can just sit him down and have a more serious talk. Believe me, I understand you may think he is being stupid/insane/moronic/etc. and I think a lot of people would agree with you. However, that definitely would not be the way to put it. Here's an example of how I may put it if I were you. Obviously if you DO say this, put this in your own words, but here are my thoughts...

"Dude! I understand you really like this girl. Please understand, I am not trying to take away from that at all. But, you two have only really been dating a year. It takes longer than that to REALLY know somebody, warts and all. Think of it this way. If you two ARE meant to be, you'll only be EVEN MORE sure of that in another year or two, so why feel the need to rush things now? Honestly, if it turns out it is meant to be, it will be meant to be months from now, years from now, and so on. For now, just enjoy each other's company. In time, you'll know each other better, both good and bad. When that exciting new feeling of the relationship wears off, that can actually be when a relationship becomes so much better, because at that time you know each other faults and all and yet STILL love each other for it. Save this moment for then. I don't say any of this because I mean to tell you what to do, or to judge or anything. In the end, you have to do what makes you happy. But, I just don't want to see you propose to a girl and then deal with the heart break if it doesn't end up working out. Maybe that would never happen. Maybe you two are meant for each other. But, my point is just that if you ARE meant to be, nothing is going to change that, so why feel the need to rush things?"

Anyways, that is just off the top of my head, my basic thoughts on a way to word it delicately. Word it so it doesn't sound like you are claiming his relationship WON'T last. That you are acknowledging that he thinks she is THE ONE, so you aren't asking him NOT to feel that and be excited about it, but you are just trying to point out that if that IS the case, then that won't change in time.

You can try your best, but again, sometimes people are just going to do what they want to do. In the end, if he won't hear any of it, then there is really nothing you can do. You may just have to leave it at that and let him make the mistake. If that does happen, hopefully, for his sake, it won't turn out to be a mistake after all. But, it could be possible he would learn that lesson the hard way, and if he refuses to listen to reason from anybody, sadly you may just have to let him do that. Unless maybe there are specific reasons you know of like she is cheating on him or something like that. That would certainly be a different story.