Crazy parents

[quame35]

So I'm going to try to make this short...heres my problem

My boyfriend who is 26 (im 19) has chosen to leave because his parents doesn't like me. I am very big on family and I do think family is important but his parents have no reason not to like me. They have mention that i'm a user and I have drama.....so let me explain. I do have a lot of family drama witch of course i tell my boyfriend about and of course he trys to help me whenever he can. For example:I got into a huge fight with my family due to trying to stand up to my older sister abusive boyfriend witch ended in me and her actully fighting. I was beyond hurt, I was crying so bad i couldn't even talk..another person in my house called my boyfriend to tell him what had happen he then got me a hotel and stayed the night with me, he calls his dad to let him know he wasn't going to be home that night and told his father what happen his dad told him "you're making a mistake this is not your problem, have my car home by 12" we awake the next morning and i could tell something was really wrong with my boyfriend, as we are leaving the hotel my boyfriend is trying to break things off with me (mind you this is coming from out of the blue to me) He tells me "I just can't deal with the drama. I don't want to choose between you and my family" I said "why do you feel you have to choose i would never ask you to choose. Maybe we can talk with your parents and see why they dislike me. Maybe if they get to know me they will learn to like me" He asked his mom and dad and they rejected saying "don't bring that girl here" I was just shocked that someone could dislike me so much when they know nothing about me. My boyfriend then told me how he just couldn't deal with it and he wants to just run away and I'm just telling him that it's not the right thing to do and he has to face his parents....long story short as my boyfriend takes me to my car that i left parked at his job we was sitting in his car talking (his car is really his dad car) his dad pulls up and says "if you don't get out my car i will call the cops" I said sir i will not argue with you, I grabed my stuff and got out the car, at this point my boyfriend and his dad are going back and fourth his dad tells him if he stays with me then he has to leave his home, so boyfriend get in his car and drives off. he changed his number and blocked me on facebook, instagram etc.. and 5 days later i haven't heard anything. I'm thinking of going to his job to talk...any advice

[TheEvilJester]

Well, my first question would be is there more to this story than you have shared? You don't HAVE to answer that if you don't want.... but I find it hard to believe that based on ONE incident.... where you were apparently the victim (it sounds like you tried to defend your sister only to be treated like YOU were the bad guy for it)... that his parents would suddenly have such a visceral reaction to you. I mean, based on ONE instance of family drama, they are suddenly ready to call the police on you for merely being in their presence? Either there is more to the story that you haven't shared...


Or they are f'ing psychopaths who deserved to be locked up in a padded white room with those "hug yourself" jackets.

If there are more details you can fill in, please do so. For the sake of offering my advice, though, for now I am going to proceed assuming what you have shared with us IS, in fact, the whole story...

If that were the case, then this is probably not the advice you were hoping to hear, but I could not in good conscience offer any other.... If he can't stand up for himself and stand up for you when his parents are so clearly wrong, and so clearly WAY out of line.... then he doesn't deserve you anyway. Quite frankly, if he's enough of a child that his Mommy and Daddy throw a temper tantrum and he just goes along with whatever they say, then you deserve better anyway. You need a man, not an overgrown child.

So, honestly, in that case my personal advice would be to let him leave. In fact, even if he TRIES to come back, I honestly wouldn't accept him back were I you. To some degree I could even understand if you'd maybe done something where his parents could arguably have reasonable cause for concern. From what you have shared, it sounds like you are guilty of nothing but trying to be a good sister and being treated like crap for it, both from your family AND his.

So, at a time when you needed him most, he abandoned you. How could you ever trust him to be there for you? You deserve better than that. Anybody would.

[quame35]

Honestly I am so confused on why they would treat me that way. I don't want to make it seem that I'm just perfect because clearly no one is but honestly they haven't even talked nor been around me enough to dislike me. It's insane! Honestly I can't even understand it. I have even thought about apologizing but then I realized I wouldn't have anything to apologize for. As far as my boyfriend goes I agree. He has to grow up...witch is weird to say since he is well older than me but I must say I don't know if I could even look at him the same after this. The only thing I could think of as far as his parents not liking me is there is a racial difference between me and my boyfriend and maybe that makes his parents uncomfortable. I would hate to think that's the reason. I'm not the type to think of people in that way but I must admit due to them hating me for no apparent reason it forces my mind to go there.

[melancholia]

At 26 years old he should be able to date whomever he wants without his parents' consent. Since he's carrying a boy mentality, and can't make decisions for himself, and he's changed his number and blocked you from social media, your only option at this point is to move on. It's hard, but honestly he's not the right guy for you if he lets his parents make all his decisions for him at 26 years old. You're better off without him, even though it may not seem like it now. You deserve someone who is strong willed and chooses to be with you because they love you, and won't let some outsiders tell him otherwise.

[TheEvilJester]

Yeah, somehow I actually forgot that part. He's 26. TWENTY SIX YEARS OLD!!! That means he's been legally an adult for almost a decade. That means, if went straight to college after high school, and graduated in four years, he's been a college graduate for several years now. That means he's been legally able to drink alcohol for five years (unless the drinking age is more or less than 21 where you are).

....And he's still answering to Mommy and Daddy. ....And his idea of breaking up with you is to block you on social media like he's still in frigging junior high.

Honestly, I know it may not be easy to see right now, but good gravy, you are better off without him. Break-ups always suck. So, it will hurt for some time. But, in time you will realize you are so much better off, and in time you'll find yourself a real man, not three children standing on each others shoulders (each one just a little more immature than the one below him/her) and wearing a big trench coat so they look like one adult man.

As for his parents, you do make a good point. I'd hate to ever jump to a conclusion like that.... but the fact that they jump to such ridiculously overblown reactions like threatening to call the cops on you and for really NO reason at all.... I kind of can't help but agree with you that I'd wonder if some kind of racists tendencies are in play.

...But, who really gives a crap? They sound like terrible people, your boyfriend (or ex, I hope) sounds like a giant man-child, and you deserve better than the whole lot of them.