Married, Confused, and Possibly in love with another

[DespressedMan]

I'm writing with much hesitation and despair. For the first time in my life, I have no one to turn to for advice or just to share my thoughts. So let me get started and I'll try to be brief.

I met my wife when I was 20 years old in college. We got married right after I college. We've been married for nearly 12 years and have 2 kids. We've gone through a lot together, stints apart for work, a miscarriage, and illness, just to name a few. I've been feeling less and less love for her over the past few years and I feel as though we've grown apart or at least to two separate people. There are ups and downs in all relationships and I absolutely have nothing but the utmost care and love for her as a friend and mother of my children, but we want different things in life, don't have fun like we used to, and are both pretty depressed. Though, I can't speak for her, but I fear she is afraid of being alone and we can't just admit to the fact that we're not happy together anymore. Our depression and anxiety is a symptom of our marriage and not external factors.

Here's the complicated, selfish, and challenge I'm having. There's a girl I've worked with for the past two years that has dominated my thoughts. She's young, flirtatious, and beautiful. About a year ago, she and I were on business travel and we had a small run-in while a little drunk, nothing major, just some touching. She's admittedly lonely and shares her boyfriend troubles with me. I sometimes share my feeling of loneliness with her and we often text about whatever. Last week, while a bit drunk after a work function, we wound up kissing and she told me about some of her feelings toward me. I'm now riddled with guilt, trapped in my own mind, and unable to focus on anything. I've cheated on my wife, perhaps having cheated on her for far longer if you count emotional connection. What led to this? How will I ever overcome this? How can I not hurt her feelings? If I really loved my wife, would I be feeling this way? The girl at work has been running through my mind; does she really like me? Was this just a drunk meaningless tryst? Is she just a flirt and I happened to be the guy that she wanted to have fun with? Why am I so damn jealous thinking about this girl out with other guys now? Why the hell am I constantly looking at my phone waiting to see if she's sent me a message?

Anyway, this is a quick synopsis that is trying to capture a lot of nuance and context. I'm lost. Confused. And disappointed.

[DespressedMan]

Update, which sucks. I spoke with this other girl and she told me she has huge insecurity issues and did what she did purely for attention. My life and world is officially a mess. I'm hurting.

[Itsbiffybeach24]

Honestly.. I'm not surprised.

It sounds like that girl from work was just looking for attention and shame on you for betraying your wife over someone so superficial. When something seems broken, no one tries to fix it anymore. If you are truly not in love with your wife anymore, then do her a favor and end it so she can move on with her life. If the idea of being without your wife hurts, you need to make a serious effort to fix things. Go on a trip, do something exciting. WORK at it.