How come no guy has ever asked me out-I'm 21

[Kkbonito]

I am 21 but a guy has never asked me out. I look in the mirror and I don't think I'm ugly so I don't know what the problem is. Once in a blue moon people say I am beautiful/pretty. Although I do not wear makeup often, people say I have beautiful skin. Maybe I should wear makeup more often to make a guy ask me out? I don't go to bars or nightclubs so I don't know if that is why guys never approach me. I am also shy. On top of that, friends of my family always ask if I have a be and when I say no, they ask why. Additionally, my mother wants me to get married sometime after college. My family keeps reassuring me that I will meet a guy. But how can I think about all of this when a guy hasn't even liked me enough to ask me out and I have zero dating experience. Am i just an unlucky girl?

[Jaxs1972]

Well from what you've said, maybe you need to go out more often? I doubt it's because you're "unattractive" more so because maybe you haven't put yourself out there enough that guys have the oppritunitity. And just like you are shy, some guys are shy too. Espicially around cute girls, I can vouche for that. It's also goes both ways right, you should get outside your comfort zone and ask a guy out... Who knows you might just land that's husband your mother wants you to get after college. I feel you shouldn't wait for a guy to come along and ask you out.

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If you want love you should go out there in find it. Relying on someone to come around and want you is a bad way to go about it. Not that I think that's what your doing. I'm just saying work your way outta that shyness and go out and find someone and show them all the reason they should've asked you out first.

[TheEvilJester]

Agreed with everything above. Could not have said it better myself.... so no need to even elaborate on that. I'll just add one thing....

It's great that your family wants you to be happy.... but you shouldn't ever date a guy, or get married even, just to make your family happy. I know your Mom means well, but you should want to marry when YOU are ready, not on somebody else's timeline. I tell you that just for your own sake, though. I don't mean you should be hard on your Mom. She means well. Moms are like that. LOL! They just want the best for their children. But, I'm just saying don't beat yourself up too much. You should remember that you are pretty darn awesome. If you find a guy, that is great, but if not at least be happy with you. You don't NEED somebody else. That doesn't have to mean you don't want somebody. You can want that, and that is great... it's just the only person you NEED is you.

You'll find the right guy some day.... or he'll find you. You're still pretty young. Don't worry too much about it. But, yeah, you certainly can try being more proactive if you'd like. Or even just get out there and find some new hobbies that might bring you out and about around people. You never know what may happen.

[Itsbiffybeach24]

I think you sort of answered your own question... you aren't putting yourself out there.

The world isn't like the movies where a guy approaches a girl at the grocery store... guys are afraid of rejection too.

If you're having trouble and feeling shy, try an online dating app like okcupid or plentyoffish and just mess around with it. Talk to guys, text, see if there's a connection with someone. It gives people a little more courage when rejection isn't to their face. Good luck!

[pcmaster]

I say join okcupid and enjoy attention there - guys are not shy on dating sites besides theres much more guys than girls.
Chat with local guys and sooner or later you should be asked out.

What seems to me to be real problem is that you are passive and expect everything come from guy instead of putting equal effort. What really works is when you create opportunities for guys to speak with you and interact with you. Good exercise would be to start saying Hi ! to cute guys you see on the street. That way you would learn break ice with strangers and open the doors to conversation to guys you fancy.

Bottom line is - in order for two introverts to meet each other one have to become extrovert for a moment.

[CarlosDangerLol]

I used to think a woman will knock on my door and ask me to go out...never happened. You need to be out there for the opportunity to happen, or resort to online dating

[TheEvilJester]

I will say this about online dating.... I'd never discourage anybody from trying it as it CAN be a great place to find people......

BUT, I would suggest you try it assuming it isn't going to work. From my experience (and a lot of people I know who have tried echo the same feelings) it has been nothing but a giant waste of time. Most people never bother to respond and the few times they do it rarely, if ever, goes anywhere. Don't even get me started on the plentiful crazies on those sites. Even despite all that.... I'd still recommend you give it a try.... I just would recommend doing so expecting you probably won't get any results from it. I say that because if you go in with those expectations, you won't be disappointed if it doesn't work out, but you could be pleasantly surprised if it actually does go well.

So, try online dating, for sure.... just don't put all your hope in it. At the same time, start getting out there and being more social even if it is just with groups of people and not really with dating specifically in mind. Good luck!

[pcmaster]

Most people never bother to respond

Its a different ball game for girls. They get more messages than they want to respond.
Attractive girls are heavily bombarded with messages on those site. You can create fake girl account with good looking pics - no profile info at all and you will get hundrets of messages a week in your inbox, without even messaging or replying anyone. Even ugly girls don't respond to most messages.

[TheEvilJester]

I think you are probably right, and that may be a HUGE factor in why most women never bother to respond. They probably hit a point where they are sick of all the pigs who send pics of their privates, all the guys who are just after sex, and all that. They probably hit a point where they stop even looking at their messages when they come in.

I mean, either way, the reasoning doesn't matter. It's been ruined. It doesn't work even for somebody like me who sincerely uses it with the intention of seriously dating somebody..... But why in the BLUE HELL should I bother when I only ever get completely ignored? So, I just don't bother. Online dating is broken these days. At least that has been my experience. And.... NO surprise here.... it isn't broken because of those sites aren't good.... it's broken because PEOPLE ruined it.

[pcmaster]

it's broken because PEOPLE ruined it.

I cant believe its so bad. Would have to see your profile pics and info and messages to tell whats wrong. Also maybe many girls you messaged was inactive.
So I would message only online girls or girls that are active. Also some dating sites have limited messages and stuff, so stay away from those.
IDK I would just message like hundred of local girls thats been active and see what happens.
I knew a guy who was looking fro girl for 3 years on okcupid. He was from US. So he finally found one and stayed with her longterm. Maybe indeed its harder in US. But still even I have found a girl from US to chat for longer period of time - few weeks. So I think its all about who and how you message.
Really would have to see your profile to tell whats wrong. Or maybe you message girls that are too young.
Besides theres always a lucky strikes - a opener that works on a girl you message better than on any other girls.

[TheEvilJester]

Believe me, I understand your point, and often that IS the same sort of thoughts/questions I have when somebody else has such little luck with dating sites. .....But believe me, I KNOW all that. If I saw a profile that interested me enough, I would message the gal.... but I USUALLY would avoid profiles where the person had not been active in a while. Even if I found the profile interesting enough to respond anyway, those time I knew not to necessarily expect they'd even see it.

I'd read all the expert advice about what kind of pictures to have, what kind of pictures not to have.... what to say in your profile, what not to say in your profile..... what to say in a message to somebody who interests you.... what not to say.

Believe me, I'd followed all that advice. My messages were always well thought out to where I showed that I wasn't just somebody who sent messages to EVERY SINGLE woman on the site hoping some would answer back. My messages showed that I actually read her profile and saw something specific that interested me enough to reach out. ....Yet at the same time I didn't make my messages overly long. Believe me, I know I can go on and on (as you guys have often seen here). I'm WELL aware of that, so I specifically made sure not to over do it.

All that best case scenario advice you get on how to best get responses..... yeah, complete bull$h*t. At least from my experience. Before my dark passenger took more control like he has these days, my conclusion would be pretty simple.... I'm UGLY. Nobody would want to be with a hideous freak like me. Thing is, these days I've finally realized something.... I'm NOT ugly. Hell, I'm no Bradley Cooper or Dwayne "the Rock" Johnson, but I'm not a bad looking dude. I don't mean to sound cocky. The honest to God truth is for me to be able to say that is a HUGE deal for me.... a guy who not to long ago practically didn't even know the meaning of the word self-esteem.

So, at some point I just honestly hit "f*ck it," pardon my French. It isn't worth the frustration. I'm destined to live my life alone, so much better I just learn to accept that rather than to keep trying to fight it.

I don't remember how the heck we got so off track, though. LOL! I hadn't intended to turn this topic into something else. So, driving back to the point a bit....

You are way too young to be worrying about being alone. The right person will come along. At the same time, though, sometimes it is good to put yourself out there. Don't just wait around hoping fate will dump the right person in your lap. Give fate a chance and don't be afraid to make the first move if you find somebody who interests you. Ask them out if they don't ask you. Maybe sometimes you will get rejected, but the more that happens, the more you will realize it isn't so bad. Eventually you'll find the right one.

And, again, please don't let my extremely negative opinion of online dating keep you from trying it. I still ALWAYS recommend people should give it a try.... I just recommend doing so with the right expectations that it probably won't work. That way you can't be disappointed if it doesn't go well because it was what you were expecting... but if it actually does go well you can be pleasantly surprised.

[pcmaster]

Man it really seems tuf there on dating sites where you live.
Like I said even I had luck with US girls and my profile was terrible. Like pictures was no better than you saw me posting and in the end of my profile I wrote - "Message me if you want to waste time."
With that I meant that I just like wasting time in chatting and not actually wanting to meet. But girls still responded to me.
Sure when I asked girls do they like oral sex, it took hundreds of attempts to get like 10 responses. But I still did it. So maybe you should instead message more girls instead of just few you really was interested in. Or those in who you was interested in was in high demand.

Right now when I look at online people from my town in most popular dating site we have - I see 3 girls online and 16 guys online. So you see whats the girls/guys ratio in dating site where I live. Still after years of not messaging girls I messaged first and whola ! a date ! Lucky strike. besides she said that dont respond to most messages cause guys offer her sex every day - she have very hot and misleading pictures in profile. Also some guys send just simple Hi and such. I got what I wanted and actually more.

I know whats your problem Jester - when girls see your message and profile they are like - hes too good to me, its too good to be true, I dont have a chance with him anyway so no point to respond.

[TheEvilJester]

I know whats your problem Jester - when girls see your message and profile they are like - hes too good to me, its too good to be true, I dont have a chance with him anyway so no point to respond.

LOL! Oh, believe me, I am pretty darn sure that is NOT the issue at all. I appreciate the sentiment very much, though. However, there are not many people in this world who are self-aware and selfless enough to actually HAVE a thought like that in the first place. So, I very much doubt they are thinking I appear to be too good for them. I wouldn't be surprised if the opposite were actually true... but then they would be somebody I want nothing to do with anyway.