Girlfriend broke up with me. Her ex is in the background.

[Sadguy2020]

Dear Readers

Something horrible happened. My girlfriend, or now ex-girlfriend, had some contact with her ex-boyfriend who treated her really badly during our relationship. He didn't want to be seen in public with her, he didnt appreciate her and just used her for sex. For your information, she wasn't with her ex longer than she has been with me. He even broke up with her over the phone actually. When i met her she was feeling down about the way she was treated. In my relationship with her i only treated her with respect and did the right thing basically. Yet she still talked to him once in a while, and he would say things like: "i still love you", and such over the phone to her. I never minded him talking to her, I am not going to control who she can talk to, but i made it clear to her, that i didn't like the fact that he was trying to win her back. So I asked her to not answer him or turn him down if he would say things like that. She constanly reminded me that she loved me way more than him. During our entire relationship she always said that i was so good to her, and that she wanted me until i didn't want her anymore. I think that's a really big thing to say. Of course i wanted her though she was so insecure, and i still do. Things were GREAT for a long time. Also i really feel that she has been sincere with me and not lied to me when she said those things
Yet she broke up with me yesterday, and said that i did everything right and that she had never felt so loved, but she needed to figure her life and herself out. This happened after a family vacation where she was away from me for 2 weeks. All of the sudden she was confused about everything, and didn't feel we should continue. She said she considered giving her ex-boyfriend a chance eventually, but only maybe. She needs a lot of time to think about everything.

I feel like a complete fool. The doubts i had were right, and I feel like she is making a huge mistake. She suddenly turned 180 degrees, because she got confused over everything. If she goes back to him he will only continue being a complete asshole to her even if he tries to be a better man in the beginning. I am the better person compared to her ex, and I have showed it to her over and over.

I am really confused as well. A big part of me still wants her, but i still want to move on. I don't want to be her plan B if she suddenly comes back to me. Even though she doesn't resume the relationship with her abusive ex. A weird thing about the breakup was that she still tried to kiss me, and i could feel that she still loves me a lot. She said she still loves me romantically too. I doesn't add up in my head. We had just reached a point in our relationship where none of us felt insecure any longer, and i think that it scares her. I don't think she is ready to let go of the past.

I have said to her that I am not going to stick around for a long time if she changes her mind, but that i still love her dearly. So basically I am open to the idea of going back to her because she means a lot to me. BUT if she goes back to her ex i won't be there when things go sideways. She also wants so stay in touch with me, and we have spoken a little bit about how she feels.

Do you have any advice on this matter? I think i need to show her that i love her, but at the same time not be an underdog. I won't plead and beg, but i don't want to be cold towards her either. Should i just give her time or actively do something about it if i want her back? I think she is worth it, and that she i very confused.

Your input is highly valued.

Love from a confused and broken guy.

[pcmaster]

I think you just need to give her time. In meanwhile dont be alone and have friends around you. Also you are not obligated to wait you are free to do whatever. It just think her ex wanted sex and got it with her, thats why she got confused.

[Sadguy2020]

Thank you, i feel really sad about the whole thing but your answer means a lot to me

[pcmaster]

Well man you can find someone to chat with on 7cups if you want. You loved her so its normal to feel sad. But dont let it build inside of you. Stay active and social and talk it out. Love yourself in meanwhile cause you deserve it. Also when you feel you cant control sadness then meds can help. Still this is the hardest part, after this it gets better.

I know this is not how you feel like now but later you will understand that some girls goes, others comes in place of them. Some goes, some comes. One girl might seem important now but on the big picture its just another brick in the wall.

[Markdg61]

What you're going through is almost exactly what I went through with my, now ex girlfriend. It was very difficult for me because she never gave me an answer as to why she broke up with me and did so over a text and then cut off all communication. What I found out was within less than 8 weeks, she married her cheating ex boyfriend that also didn't treat her very well. After I found this out, I wrote her a long letter telling her exactly what I thought of her and it wasn't very nice.

I feel your pain man! What has been helping me is talking with friends, reading and offering advice to others in this forum and just know that you are not alone. Try to concentrate more on her faults than the good times you shared. Eventually you will be process this and it won't hurt any more.

Good luck