I've fallen for TWO MEN. Need some serious advice, please

[lovemenot]

I have been in a loving committed relationship with my boyfriend for almost two years now. And everything is OK, just a NORMAL good relationship. But honestly there have never been THAT something between us that makes a good relationship GREAT. He isn't really romantic, there have never been crazy passion between us, I don't even remember having butterflies in my stomach in the beginning or anything like that. Though sometimes it is really good, we have some great moments together, we also fight sometimes, but there's always SOMETHING MISSING.... Though I could easily see myself with him for the rest of my life just being NORMALLY GOOD TOGETHER...

And recently I met another guy. I've been going to this course for two weeks and there is this guy there, he's funny, interesting, free spirited, we always have a good time together, but I only thought about him as a friend until two days ago...Because I am in a happy loving (at least I thought so) relationship, he also has a girlfriend, though he talked about leaving her...so I never really even thought that something could happen between us. And then two days ago a group of us went out for some drinks after the course and by the end there was only the two of us left, and he said some things and then he kissed me and it was MAGIC. SERIOUSLY. In that one moment everything changed, was like a movie, where you feel like you two are the only people and my knees were weak and it was just PURE MAGIC. And then we walked around a little holding hands and kissed some more and then we went home (separately).

And I've being going CRAZY ever since. He texted me saying the same thing. He said he's with his girlfriend but all he can think about is me. And that for him everything was also normal and then I ruined his NORMAL life.. And I feel the same thing about him.

Neither of us want to hurt our partners, but being in our old relationships while feeling like this also doesn't sound like an option...

Please please tell me what to do. Any advice will be much appreciated. I know I should talk to him and together decide what to do or not to do..But that's logic and it feels like logic is such a lost concept right now..I am literally HAPPY and MISERABLE at the same time...

[Markdg61]

If your current boyfriend really loves you, this devastat him. The two worse things you can do in a relationship is cheat and the other is end it because you'd rather be with someone else. You've already done the first and if you do the second, I think your current boyfriend will be the next member on the website under the broken heart forum.

I'm telling you this because that's exactly what my girlfriend did to me, I was completely blind sided. This happened 5 months ago and I'm still having trouble coping.

It would be understandable if your current relationship is tumultuous, arguing, if he is abusive or he's lying or cheating on you. Leaving him just for the fact that he is not romantic is not really an excuse.

What type of man is he? Do you get a long with him? How good of a friend is he to you? Have you talked with him about your feelings? You should take all these into consideration before making any move towards another relationship.

Consider this, you're already cheating on your boyfriend and your new guy is cheating on his girlfriend. With that in mind, are you going to be able to trust each other if you enter into a full blown relationship?

[lovemenot]

I am sorry to hear that about your girlfriend. Hope you'll manage to get over it and thank you for the opinion, some good points..

as for me.. i was happy with my bf. Well honestly I used to think sometimes maybe he's not right for me...I mean we get a long just fine, he's a very kind man, he has a few issues, but who doesn't?
And I get along with his family and friends just fine, but we have some very different views on things like religion and politics, i know that doesn't mean much in a relationship, but then he also really wants a lot of kids and wants a calm family life and I am not even sure if I ever want kids, at least not for the next 5 years...

i know that he would be devastated, and that is what breaks my heart, I could never do that to him he is a really good man...
but then again even in the beginning of our relationship I haven't felt like I feel about the new guy now. And I don't even think I ever felt like that after being kissed by anyone..MAGIC.
And I also can't bear the thought of just leaving it and not seeing what could happen...
And it's seriously driving me crazy, I mean I don't want to sleep I can't eat, I just want to be with him and sort all this out as soon as possible, but every possible scenario I create in my head makes me physically sick in my stomach...

and a good point about us both having already cheated on our current partners..not sure how the trust thing would go..

oh my god..I feel sick again..

[Markdg61]

I think what you're feeling is infatuation. You found someone new and exciting. He does and says all the right things. It may feel right but if you decide to leave your current boyfriend for this man, you're taking a risk that this man is not who you think he is, you will be affecting the lives on not only your current boyfriend but the life of your new guys girlfriend. Not to mention what your friends and family will think of you and possibly putting your integrity on the line.

No one can really tell you what to do, there's no right answer and there's no wrong answer but if this is something you want to do, then you should think long and hard about what you are risking.

If you're not happy with your current boyfriend and it's not working out then leaving him might be a good thing for you but you should take some time out from relationships before entering another one. Rebound relationships rarely work out.

I'm sorry you're struggling with this. Try talking with a friend that can this in confidence and get their opinion.

[lovemenot]

Thank you for your opinion very much. I understand that thia affects more lives than just me and him and that's what we both struggle with right now. But it is not just that he says ad does all the right things, it's more like he has the opposite of all the things that I don't like about my bf.. And I know it is risky to give up something good that I have already hoping to get something great, cuz it might not work at all and I would end up all alone at the end..but then again what if my bf and I break up anyways in like a year or so...and then I would regret like crazy not taking this chance...I guess I should just really think how much my bf trully means to me, cuz if things like this happen I probably don't love him as much as I thought..and I am probably just a hopeless romantic, who thinks that love should be magic and sweep you of your feet..maybe that never really happens and everyone just settles for something desent enough..