4 Year Relationship Breakup

[rachelg]

I dont even know where to start. My ex and I are both 21. We fell in love when we were 17. He was my first boyfriend and first love, and I was his second relationship (he dated a girl for two years in high school). Since the beggining of our relationship it has been a cycle of breaking up and getting back together. In the first two years, it was because of his weed addiction, which i was not ok with. He would quit, then relapse, break up with me, hate his life, then come crawling back after about two weeks, and I would always let him because I loved him. In the most recent two years, weed is no longer in the picture,however he has been craving a life that he thinks he needs to be happy. He wants to be single and travel with his friends and even though he hasn’t said it, I believe he wants to sleep with other girls because he has only ever slept with me and his ex. He feels like he is too young to be in a serious relationship and that I am holding him back from what he wants to do.

He has said this everytime he has broken up with me, which seems to be every four months. He lives wildly for about two weeks (clubbing every weekend etc.) then comes crawling back to me when he realizes it doesn’t actually make him that happy. He has recently started at a new job at Flight Centre, where the culture there is very party orientated. Since he has started he seems to be very influenced by his colleagues, who encourage him to party hard and “live life to the max”. Since he has started, I knew it was only a matter of time before he left me again. Sure enough, two and a half weeks ago he broke up with me, saying that his heart wasn’t in it anymore and that I was holding him back. I took it very well and told him i understood and just wanted him to be happy. When he left i broke down in tears and I have been absolutely shattered since.

I kept telling myself its just like every other time, and he will come back, but its been nearly three weeks and I havent heard a word from him. I havent tried to contact him because I know he needs space. I miss him so so much. I found out from a friend of a friend that he joined tinder the day after we broke up and has been talking to many girls on there. I found out last night that he went on a date with a girl, and took her to my favourite spot by the river. I am so devastated. I dont understand what is going through his head or how he could forget about me so quickly. I dont understand why he isn’t upset, or why he doesn’t miss me. Do you think he will still come back this time? I really want to fix things 🙁

I think what I am confused about the most is that he says he wants to be free and single yet took a girl on a date to our favourite spot only two weeks after we broke up He doesnt go on dates unless he wants a relationship with someone

[amcole]

Hello, I am sorry you are experiencing this…it sounds like you are struggling with the breakup…it also sounds like he has moved on and may not return this time…I’m sorry. You also can’t fix him…plus it sounds like you are unhappy rather or not you are in the relationship.

Anyway, have you talked to someone about it? Is there a group of people about your age that you can get together with so you get out and possibly meet new people? I’m praying that you can move on yourself.