I dont understand her

[AT95]

Ok,so there is a girl who works with me and we know each other for a year and a half now.
Half year ago after a couple of times that I asked her out I told her that I'm in love with her but she rejected me.
(As she said the main reason to that was because our friendship is way too important for her and she was afraid to risk it).
And,although I knew that there is more than that I told her that everything is fine and that she has nothing to worry about and really,
things returned to be just as they were before and we got even closer.
But lately I've noticed that her behavior towards me was changed to the point where I almost cant recognize her.
Whenever I ask her something she always tells me things like "Its not your business" or she simply go all quiet / change the subject
and I feel like she is playing hot and cold with me all the time, and it drives me insane because I really dont understand what is going on.
She can be very quiet and distant at one moment and than all of sudden very warm and friendly.
I tried to ask her about it in the past and she told me that everything is ok but I'm not blind.
And the thing is that I still like her wich makes it even harder for me, its like no metter what she will say or do I'll always forgive her
I got so attached to this girl and I really dont know what to do
please help me I'm losing it

[pcmaster]

First of all you say to a girl that you love her and she rejects you then move on. Thats logical step.
Second you are friendzoned.
Third maybe she found a boyfriend or shes nasty to you because you wont leave her.
Fourth stop jerking off and you will find a girlfriend soon enough. Nofab.com is a good site for you.

If I were in your shoes I would keep a little contact since I keep contact with a lot of girls but forget about her as GF material and stop trying and liking her.
If you want more than friends with her but settle for less because she dont want to then you are denying man in yourself. No girl is worth to put your needs in second place.
I cant stress enough how much time you have wasted with this girl. time that could bring you closer to finding what you want. How nasty and ignoring she have to become for you to finally understand that nothing will happen? Get the hint and move on man.

[AT95]

First of all you say to a girl that you love her and she rejects you then move on. Thats logical step.
Second you are friendzoned.
Third maybe she found a boyfriend or shes nasty to you because you wont leave her.
Fourth stop jerking off and you will find a girlfriend soon enough. Nofab.com is a good site for you.

If I were in your shoes I would keep a little contact since I keep contact with a lot of girls but forget about her as GF material and stop trying and liking her.
If you want more than friends with her but settle for less because she dont want to then you are denying man in yourself. No girl is worth to put your needs in second place.
I cant stress enough how much time you have wasted with this girl. time that could bring you closer to finding what you want. How nasty and ignoring she have to become for you to finally understand that nothing will happen? Get the hint and move on man.

Thats exactly what your missing here..
I never tried to impress her or to make her like me by any action that I did and I never saw her as a gf material.. I gave up long time ago
(when she first rejected me) and the fact that I still have strong feelings for her has nothing to do with that.
I really dont know how to take control of my emotions, it fks me up so hard! I cant even think properly anymore :/
She has no boyfriend but I just found out that she is into another guy (not from her).. I'm such a moron wow

[pcmaster]

Well you still have feeling and thats exactly reason to leave her alone cause you cant be friends since you like her more than that. You are just hurting yourself here like one of those people who like to inflict pain on themselves.

Liking her when shes into another guy will just make you more miserable.

If you want to move on then stop being friends.

[Hooo!]

She does not want you
The women who you want does not exist.

Stop pretending to be friends. You are not.
If she wants to be more then friends she is perfectly welcome to invite you for some time together
If not stop pretending something that isn't true
You are no friends and you won't become friends like this

[AT95]

She does not want you
The women who you want does not exist.

Stop pretending to be friends. You are not.
If she wants to be more then friends she is perfectly welcome to invite you for some time together
If not stop pretending something that isn't true
You are no friends and you won't become friends like this

And what does it mean if after I started ignoring her she immediately noticed that and came across me to see if everything is ok? sorry for the nerdy question

P. S - I mean she came to check why do I ignore her

[pcmaster]

Perhaps she likes attention as ego boost. Even if she meant that friendly, you should have said that its fcking you up to be friends when you would like to be more but she rejects you. I chatted with one girl recently and after I rejected her but still offered to keep contact she said she dont chat, if theres not then not.
So yeah you shouldnt ignore her but talk about your feelings and that its not good for you to stay friends and you want to move on and its not fair for you and you cant do this anymore. Tell her its all or nothing

[Hooo!]

That's an indicator of interest. Not of attraction or seduction tho.

Absense creates longing.
I'm not telling you to forget her or necessarily stop pursuing her. Just stop pretending she's into you and especially stop pretending to be her friend.

Chances are she will realize what she missed if u finally stop sucking up to her and just be available to her on your own terms.
Best part is that you will possibly realize that u don't need her anyways

[AT95]

Perhaps she likes attention as ego boost. Even if she meant that friendly, you should have said that its fcking you up to be friends when you would like to be more but she rejects you. I chatted with one girl recently and after I rejected her but still offered to keep contact she said she dont chat, if theres not then not.
So yeah you shouldnt ignore her but talk about your feelings and that its not good for you to stay friends and you want to move on and its not fair for you and you cant do this anymore. Tell her its all or nothing

It wont change anything.. the only thing that might happen is that I'll lose her.
I guess I'll have to find a way to deal with it and let the time do its job :/
and thanks!

That's an indicator of interest. Not of attraction or seduction tho.

Absense creates longing.
I'm not telling you to forget her or necessarily stop pursuing her. Just stop pretending she's into you and especially stop pretending to be her friend.

Chances are she will realize what she missed if u finally stop sucking up to her and just be available to her on your own terms.
Best part is that you will possibly realize that u don't need her anyways

I'll try to do my best thanks!

[richiro]

In the end.. there was nothing here. ONly our fantasy of being with her.
From the start she's said 'no' to you and stayed consistent with that.

It's only you that's been wnating this, not her.

Ther is nothing here. You have to let her go and move on. She doesn't feel the same way towars you. And a relationship is 2 peopel mutually wnating something, not just 1 person wanting it. you are the only person wanting this one.

Plain and simple.

[AT95]

In the end.. there was nothing here. ONly our fantasy of being with her.
From the start she's said 'no' to you and stayed consistent with that.

It's only you that's been wnating this, not her.

Ther is nothing here. You have to let her go and move on. She doesn't feel the same way towars you. And a relationship is 2 peopel mutually wnating something, not just 1 person wanting it. you are the only person wanting this one.

Plain and simple.

oke so heres a little update;
I just asked her whats going on and why is she mad at me and she said that she isnt and that I'm the one who started ignoring her
and when I explained her why and asked again she said that she doesnt know what to say and that she is sorry for making me feel like that.. what should I understand by that? I guess I was right that she just doesnt care anymore?

[pcmaster]

Just wait now man. its a waiting game. After few months she could come back to you. Do nofap in meantime and socialize with other girls. As some american said the best way to get girls to like you is to ignore them and just sometimes say Hi.

[greenemerald]

Coming from a woman's perspective, this is an easy one.

You are being jerked around. Plain and simple.
Reason why she gives you hot and cold treatment is because when some days she is down, she likes your attention.
When days she is not down, you can take a hike.
She is probably going through some stuff with another man.
And sadly for you, you are being used as a pacifier to her ego.

Women only behave this way when they know THEY DO NOT WANT TO BE WITH YOU AT ALL!
I MEAN....AT ALL!!!!

She is only using you to feel better about herself.
And when she gives you that attention, you think it is for you.
No, it is solely for her own benefit.
And when you ignore her, she doesn't like it.
Why? She can't feel better, that's why.

My advice: leave her alone. Ignore her. Not to play games or reverse psychology here.
You are being used. She knows it. You know it.
And frankly, women lose respect for men who do not act like men.
And the more you entertain her, asking her what's wrong.. the more you are begging her to treat you like a doormat.
If you continue to act like a doormat, and you get treated like a doormat, you have no one to blame but YOURSELF!

You should be loving as a man when the other person deserves it.
Continuing to love and entertain someone after you have been disrespected is an "eeewwww!" for women.
We just cannot, will not see ourselves being with you.

Leave her alone. Stop asking her how she feels. Be cordial. Be civil. Treat her in a business manner.
If she asks you what's wrong, just say "nothing is wrong. I'm good". Smile and walk away. (That's what I mean by ignoring.)
If she asks why are you are ignoring her, say "I'm not. I'm just working" and go back to what you are doing. (That's what I mean by ignoring.)
OR say "It is only ignoring if you are feeling ignored" Smile and walk away. (That's what I mean by ignoring.)
Be civil, but don't ask questions. Be civil, but stop opening your mouth and have more conversations.

Again, this girl will never see herself being with you.
She has no respect for you. Kinda hard to get that back.
The only way you will recover from that is to avoid her. Be cordial. But keep avoiding her.
She won't like it. She will probably have an attitude.
And if she does? You ignore that too as if you did not even notice it.
You're not getting what you want from her. She's not getting what she wants from you. Sounds fair, if you ask me.
You have more chance with her acting like this than acting like a doormat.
Trust me!

In life, you have to teach people how to treat you and what your value is.
You do this by having standards of behavior that you will not accept.
You don't have to be rich or good looking to create value and respect.
It is in your ACTIONS of what you do not accept is where you create value and respect.
People will do what you allow them to get away with.
If you don't place value on yourself, others will create that value for you.
And your value is VERY LOW in her eyes.
Like clearance-items-kinda low
Grow a spine. Stand up for yourself.
Be that man in a locked, glass casing at a store where women look at you and say to themselves "I wish I can afford that. Someday, when I have my stuff together, I'll be able to get that."
Until then, you stay locked in a damn glass casing and you do not got on sale. PERIOD.
Only those who can afford you and give you what you want are the ones you should have in your life.
Snap out of this. Go lift some heavy weights. Go for a run, a drive, whatever you have to do to snap out of this.
You have to love yourself more than you love her.
Do you love yourself more?

[GLYC]

I hope this isn't the same woman from your last thread, the thread where you were given some excellent advice in there but you ignored everything that we told you, and ended up hurt worse. Despite that I personally told you what was going to happen.

Greenemerald is right. If a woman doesnt respect you, she can never love you. What youre doing is such a turnoff to women.

Women know that if you were a catch, you wouldn't care. Why? Because you know that another bus will come.
And even if it takes a while for a bus to come, you're certain that it will happen,and in the meantime nothing will diminish you.

"Half year ago after a couple of times that I asked her out I told her that I'm in love with her but she rejected me.
(As she said the main reason to that was because our friendship is way too important for her and she was afraid to risk it)."

You loved her, but you were never her lover? You don't even know what it feels like to be her lover, you were never in that position (did you guys even go on a date?) so don't say that, instant turnoff to women.

You were probably expecting that if you made some dramatic confession to her about your feelings that she would suddenly fall in love with you. Sorry, nope, only in the movies. Women want to fall in love slowly over time, they want to be courted properly. Meaning, as a man, it's your job to create fun filled dates and to go with the flow.

Plus, she rejected you multiple times, as Greenemerald said, you place persistence where you are being rewarded, if a woman has an "eh" attitude, or denies you, you retract the offer. I would say, "Alright, maybe some other time, let me know if you change your mind". And then, as a man you give her space. And never reach out again (because you're true to your word). Why? Because you're not interested in anything less than romance with her, you're true to your intent. She pushed you away. And you know that if she changes her mind, she will get in contact with you. However, you hung around like a puppy dog and created a fraudulent friendship, probably hoping for the day she changed her mind and that overtime you could convince her that you're a great guy, actually I know you did, why? Because you made this thread.

Sorry bud, tried to help you before. Either properly prepare yourself for success by changing your approach, or continue the approach you've been doing and keep getting the results you've been getting. And who knows, maybe this woman was never interested in you in the slightest. It happens. And at times, there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. If she doesn't see you as at least a 5/10, meaning she would maybe go out with you. You're screwed. And even if you werent, why would you really want her? Go for a woman that wants to enthusiastically spend time with you, that way things will be effortless and fun. You're in your young 20s, stop wasting them being hung up on unavailable women.

[greenemerald]

"Half year ago after a couple of times that I asked her out I told her that I'm in love with her but she rejected me.
(As she said the main reason to that was because our friendship is way too important for her and she was afraid to risk it)."

Her response to this cracks me up!
Women only say this when we don't want to be with you as a lover.
It is less harsh than saying "Listen, there's no way you can ever be my lover. Grosses me out to even think that. Besides, you are already too in love with me even though I treat you like crap. You are acting like a doormat woman. I don't want to be with a woman."

She is not attracted to you based on how you show up as a low value person.
It is unattractive and it's a major turn off for women.

I have never, in my life, said to a man I am attracted to that I did not want to risk our friendship to be his lover.
I'll risk a friendship any day to a man I am attracted to.
It's that simple!