I just made out with my best friend who has a boyfriend

[danti91]

So I've been living with a group of people in London for a year now. I've grown really close with all my housemates, but one of them I have grown very close with. She's my best friend, we talk about everything and spend a lot of time together. I haven't really thought about her in THAT way before - sure, I noticed her bum a fair few times and from time to time I would notice she looked really good. But I've always been interested in other girls, and she has helped me with other girl problems in the past. Plus, she has a boyfriend who I really like and get on with (I wouldn't exactly call him a friend but I get on with him well). I've helped them in the past when they had relationship issues because I think they make a good couple.

So 3 days ago I came home from work at around midnight having been at a work colleagues leaving drinks. I found my best friend awake with another housemate and her friend who was visiting for the weekend to surprise her. So they asked me to join them for a drink. So I got even more drunk. After a couple of hours I go outside the back door to smoke and my best friend joins me. She asked me for a hug (which is normal, we hug all the time without it ever being sexual), but when we were hugging it felt different. I thought I noticed her doing this cute rubbing of her face on my chest. I thought I heard her ask something so I lower my head to hear and she gives me a kiss on my cheek. I don't know why, but I turned my face to kiss her instead. It was a GREAT kiss. After 15 seconds she pulls away and just says "Oh God!", looks down, then back at me, and then pulls me back in passionately for another kiss. We made out a lot that night and the next day throughout the day and night (only kissing, we didn't take it further). We talked about it a bit and she told me I was a great kisser and that it felt (and I quote) "Mind blowing" and I told her the same.

Here's the problem: The weekend's over and she says it shouldn't happen again. I totally get that and why she wants to go back to normal, I do too, but at the same time when she told me we can't do it again my heart just sank (I was not expecting myself to react that way, it was one weekend!). We are such good friends, I'd hate to lose her. But I can't get her out of my head, plus I live with her so I'm seeing her all of the time. I can't concentrate at work. And I can't talk to her about any of this, despite the fact that she would normally be the only person I talk to about this kind of thing. And I don't want to be the kind of guy who goes around messing up other people's relationships, I've always thought guys like that are the worst.

My instincts are telling me to create some space, not reply to her messages as much, spend more time out of the house or in my room to avoid hanging out too much. I want to say I wish we never kissed so that we would never have been in this situation, but it felt so good I can't even describe it. And to me a good kiss has always been a sign of someone's compatibility, so my stupid brain keeps telling me we're a good match and won't stop replaying those kisses.

I need to know if there's any good ways of getting over someone you shouldn't have feelings for. Has anyone else ever been in a similar situation and managed to get their feelings back to the way they were?

[Shoukon]

Hey Danti91,
There was mention that she couldn't be talked to about this. What's the barrier? I imagine talking to her about this would help the both of you process what happened and find some closure if nothing is to go further or answers if things have changed. Erasing an experience from your mind isn't usually a constructive way or dealing with a situation because is usually doesn't work and it'll keep things awkward between you guys.

Let me know if you have any questions or if I misunderstood anything.

[danti91]

Hi Shoukon,
I guess I don't want to talk to her about it because I'm worried it'll screw everything up. I'm quite good at pretending everything's normal, which is what I'm doing for now. But I'm really bad at expressing myself.
When we were doing this, one time we were in her bed and she said "don't look at me like that". Which is also playing in my mind a bit. I think she was worried maybe I was feeling something more than she was about it all.
Plus if I bring it up again it might make things unbearable between us. I can't emphasise enough how important her friendship is to me, so I have a lot to lose by saying a word out of place or something.
I'm still very confused by it all tbh. I mean I didn't feel this way before so what if we talk and we end up together and then I realise I didn't feel as strongly as I thought - I will have been the reason she throws away the life she's built(of course that's working off a heavy assumption) I feel like it's a lose lose.
Aside from talking to her, any ideas about how to get past it ?

[Shoukon]

Hey Danti,
Well, yea it could be risky to talk about it, it's unknown what could happen. It could be wonderful or super garbage. I wouldn't talk to her any less than you use to before this happened or change anything like that because that's acting on the awkwardness which will breed more awkwardness and additional feelings. Keep going out as you had mentioned before with other friends to keep yourself occupied with the mindset that you two are friends as always and allow yourself to cool down from the event. If you're still feeling exceptionally intense after a week or so, so where you are her are at then to see what to do.

[Hooo!]

It happened and you won't make it more awkward if you told her you enjoyed it really much andkeep thinking about it.
But that's just my opinion