Question About A Very Strange Situation

[dvkerner96]

Hello all, I would deeply appreciate any thoughts on my situation. I started seeing a girl about 2 months ago. She'd recently broken up with a guy who got her pregnant (she had an abortion), and found out soon after that she had bacterial vaginosis, meaning we couldn't have sex until it cleared up. We were hanging out every day, and she seemed attracted to me, but there was almost always something she needed help with. I was initiating most of the contact, and I was always available when she asked for me (mistake, I know). I thought that she might just be using me, but she spent almost every day/night at my house even when she didn't need help with anything. One day we'd be kissing, talking, laughing etc, and another day she would hardly talk to me at all. We even showered together once, and went out together to buy condoms. When I would ask her about the situation, she would tell me that she liked being around me/was interested, but that she just wasn't in a good place emotionally. When her vaginal issues cleared up, she started saying that she didn't want to have sex with anyone yet because she wasn't over her ex. After that she still spent most days at my house (but stopped sleeping there), although she became distant. She still wanted to hang out with me, though, even with almost zero contact happening, except for a couple of times when she danced with me (erotically). Then, I went out of town for 3 weeks, during which we talked some, and she even sent me a dirty picture. She said she was now over her ex, but didn't want anything serious yet. When I got back into town, she wanted to see me that same night (Sunday). She said it would only be for a short while, though, and I didn't want her to think I was desperate, so I said we should just see eachother another time when we'll have more time. She suggested the next day (Monday), but said she wouldn't have much time then, either. I said we should just do it when she isn't busy, but she kept wanting to see me that night (Monday), so I saw her. I tried seducing her, but she said we didn't have time, and that she had to leave because she works the next day. I was frustrated, so I said, "When are we going to ****?", and she said, "When I'm not busy". So I took her home and told her to call me when she isn't busy. It doesn't seem like her not being ready is the issue, because I think she had sex while I was away. I'm not sure how to proceed. This happened 2 days ago, and I haven't contacted her/heard from her since. Please let me know what you think!

[rr99rr]

Cut all contacts with her. Do not initiate contact with her anymore. If she wants to sleep with you, she will show you the signs indirectly. If you keep asking her about this, you'll end up (actually you've already ended up) desperate in her eyes. Be an alpha male, start seeing other women man if she comes around again, good. If she doesn't, forget about her. She is probably still into her ex and she uses you as rebound only for conversation and teasing. Do not be that dude. Make your self unavailable for her, and forget about her.

[dvkerner96]

That is what I have done! You are right. I have not contacted her in a week, and haven't heard from her, either. I have already started talking to other women, and will not reach out to her again. In fact, at this point my level of attraction to her has even dropped a bit just from looking back on it all. Thank you for your advice and for taking the time to reply to my thread! I appreciate it!

[TheEvilJester]

Well, looks like my advice is coming a little too late.... but for good reasons. You've already done exactly what rr99rr suggested and exactly what I was going to say. It frankly sounds like she was playing games with you the whole time. Maybe she was.... and Hell, it is even entirely possible that was never her intention. Bottom line, either way it resulted in the same. Which is you confused and frustrated about what you two were to each other.

So, moving on under the assumption that she WAS just playing games with you was your best bet. If it turned out she was NOT and she sincerely liked you but sincerely just wasn't ready.... well, then SHE can reach out to YOU to try to rekindle things. Otherwise, move on, forget her, and date other women. Sounds like you have already done that, though, so good for you. Honestly, if she DOES try to contact you and wants you back, I'd frankly even recommend extreme caution. I might even recommend you not bother. But, I suppose deal with that if and when it happens. If it happens and there is some part of you that thinks she could be sincere, then give her a chance if that is what you want.... but still remain cautious that the same BS may just happen again.

Good luck to you either way.

[dvkerner96]

Better late than never! I appreciate your advice either way! I agree with what you have said. Whether or not she actually did intend to play games with me, it still resulted in me feeling the same way as if she did intend it. I agree that moving on from her is the best bet. And yes, if she is actually interested in me, she can contact me. Otherwise, I am moving on from her, and have no intention of contacting her. I agree that that is the best thing to do! Thank you! And I also agree that even if she does contact me, it would be wise to be extremely cautious and maybe even not bother with her anymore. It has been over a week now since I cut contact with her, and I have not heard from her. I may not ever hear from her, and that is probably for the best. If she did contact me, I would certainly use extreme caution in any and all interaction with her, and that is if I wanted to give her another chance, and if I am not with another woman by that time! Thank you for your advice, for taking the time to reply to my thread, and for wishing me luck! I appreciate it, and I wish you all the best! Also, I like your username!!

[TheEvilJester]

Also, I like your username!!

Thank you. I don't get that very often with this particular screen name. I don't think people like clowns in general. LOL!

[dvkerner96]

You're welcome! And haha, I guess people just don't know the difference between a clown and a jester!

[TheEvilJester]

You're welcome! And haha, I guess people just don't know the difference between a clown and a jester!

You are awesome for this. LOL! Strictly speaking, clowns, jesters, jokers, etc. are very similar and in the same basic vein. But, a jester does not automatically equal a clown and vice versa.

[dvkerner96]

Haha, thank you! And yes, that is true! I think the jester the most class of all three!

[TheEvilJester]

Well, jesters are often seen going hand in hand with kings and queens. Often the personal entertainment for their royal highnesses. So, you may just be right.

....How the Hell did this turn into circus talk, BTW? LOL!

[DalM0m]

This poor girl. In a very short time she got pregnant, got dumped by the jerk who got her pregnant who failed to take any responsibility, had an abortion & got an STD.

What about that indicated to you that she was emotionally ready to do anything?

Yet, in 8 short weeks, 3 of which you were away, you expected her to be ready to have sex with you. What a prince you are. Not. Have you no sensitivity?

I'm glad you & she have separated. She needs a more mature understanding fellow in her life while she tries to heal from the ordeal she has been through.

[dvkerner96]

TheEvilJester: Haha, that is true! And lol! I guess I felt like a clown after the circus of a situation, so circus talk came naturally!
Not really lol, but the part about feeling like a clown is true!

- - - Updated - - -

DalM0m: I wish you knew her and the situation better! If you did, you wouldn't have said what you said! Some of the things you don't know are that she made herself available to me (she put herself onto a dating website, replied to my message, and suggested that we meet), she teased me routinely, and she had sex with someone else while I was away (I don't know if you read that part in my original post). And that is only some of it! You are quick to defend her, but if you knew her, I think you would have a different opinion!