Plus-one etiquette?

[lm0905]

To preface: my boyfriend and I were first together a few years ago and during this time, I have met the bride, Sarah. We had broken up for a few years but have since gotten back together. By the time this wedding happens, we'll be back together for about 1 1/2 years and potentially moving together soon-after.

So my boyfriend's best best friend's really good friend Sarah is getting married in March. Sarah asked BF's best friend if she should invite BF to her wedding and BF said yes. BF and Sarah have met a few times
This wedding is going on a few states over from us, so it would be a trip for my boyfriend to get there.

The STDs have been sent out and when my boyfriend received it, it did not come with a 'plus one'/guest.
I casually asked my BF about it and he said 'it's probably because she hasn't met you many times, and it's already going to be about a 400-500 person wedding so she probably wouldn't be able to invite you. But I get where you are coming from."

But, Sarah had asked BF's best friend a few times already when BF and I are going to 'get engaged', so I'd assume she knows that my boyfriend and I are serious?

I don't know, maybe I'm just ranting. But I'm feeling hurt that BF doesn't get a plus one to a wedding that he has to travel for, and especially since Sarah seems to understand that my boyfriend and I are in a serious relationship.

Should I just get over it or have BF ask his best friend to ask Sarah about it, since BFF and Sarah are really close?

[TheEvilJester]

I do not think I would use the phrase "get over it..." and especially not begin it with "just...." I completely understand why you might feel that way. However, keep in mind that weddings CAN be super expensive and it can be hard to fit in all of the people you may want to invite. With all the bfs and bffs and stuff in your story I got a little confused. LOL! So, I'm not sure how close YOU yourself actually are to the bride and/or groom. But, I got the impression that the bride and groom don't really know you all that well. So, it is NOT a violation of etiquette for them to invite him without a plus one.

Sure, it is ideal if you can give all your guests a plus one just in case they don't want to come alone or have a significant other. But, again, as I said it can often be hard to fit and afford all the guests on your guest list in the first place even if you included just the people you actually know. So, I definitely wouldn't tell you to "just get over it..."

But, I don't think your boyfriend should ask about it. I would say you should just chalk it up to being that you don't know them that well. It probably was not personal and probably wasn't meant to hurt your feelings. Heck, weddings take a long time to plan. It could even be that the guest list was finalized at such a time when you two weren't together or at least not for that long.

[madotnw_nihs]

Having gone through an expensive wedding myself, I concur with EvilJester. We tried to allow as many plus ones as we could. At the end of the day, we wanted people we know at the wedding.

[TheEvilJester]

And I can also say that I, myself, went through this with my own huge mistake of a wedding. In my defense, it didn't seem like a mistake at the time and I'm NEVER one to NOT take commitments seriously, so it isn't like I entered into it lightly. Anyway, that's a whole different story I've shared here before and one that I am happy is distantly in my past.

My point, though, is that we had a HELL of a time with the guest list. We actually had to cut out some people we REALLY wanted there. Obviously not people who were super close and the top of our list. Obviously those folks were invited. But, there were some of those few outliers who are maybe friends of the family or something and aren't SUPER close, but still were people we wanted there. But, at the end of the day there was just only so much money (weddings are expensive) and we had to cut it down.

So, think of it from the perspective of the bride and groom and/or their families. They may well have had to cut people they wanted there. People they truly wanted to invite. Why should it just be expected that every guest gets a plus one? If you think about it, then that means just about every guest you invite would actually count double because you have to account for them maybe bringing a guest.... meaning that would essentially almost cut your possible guest list in half.

Again, like I said, I DO NOT mean to make you feel bad AT ALL. I definitely understand why you feel that way. Just trying to help you understand that it most likely was not meant to hurt your feelings and was not done carelessly. They just likely didn't have room to allow everybody a plus one.

[Hooo!]

What immature sh is this? Ask her yourself if it’s really a problem to you
Maybe if Sarah invited all the +1 it would be 800 ppl
Maybe she made an error
Maybe she hates your guts
What do u care?