Dating etiquette

[TomerT]

Hi all,
Although I have dated a lot, I am in completely new for me situation right now; therefore would like to hear your advice...

Currently, I am dating someone, for about 3 weeks. We are spending some time together, prepared our meals together, she even had a shower at my place once...We pretty physically close (a lot of touching, hugging, teasing, cuddling), but nothing intimate (yet...) I think the main reason for that cause we both not sure if we really want to be as a couple in the long term, also we used to be friends before, therefore not want to hurt each other if something will not work out...
Anyway, recently I was invited to another date (someone I saw once before)...My question is should I tell my current female-friend (I am not sure what is our status right now ) that I am going to date..should I omit this or lie ? I suppose she may have plans that we are spending Saturday night together. What do I tell her if she asks me ? Although we both agreed that at this stage we are not in commited relationship - I pretty sure she will not like (in the least sense, will be hurt - in the worse case) if I say her the truth...
What is the "right" thing to do in this situation ?
How many following dates I allowed to have "in parallel" (if at all) without being "labelled" a cheater by anyone ? I consider my self a "moral" person, but on the other hand of course do not want to miss someone potentially good.
Your advice very appreciated.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, if you're just dating, it's none of her business. Lying is in your best interest, because she probably won't like that.

[MerryH]

Doesn't "not in a committed relationship" mean exactly that you'll see other people? Someone can correct me if I'm wrong, but if you both agreed to this, then I don't think you'd be wrong to keep dating other people.

Just don't rub it in her face. If she asks about seeing you on Saturday, tell you you already have plans and try to leave it at that. If she pries further, tell her you're meeting up with a female friend. If she bugs out about it, then it's probably a good time to have another talk about this "committed relationship" deal.

Edit: Don't lie to her.

[TomerT]

Thanks a lot...You guys (gals) helped me a lot two months ago..if you remember handling with my xgf who came back from her vacation pregnant with her x.
I am completely over her now...much "smarter" and healed now, surprisingly find myself "popular" by others...

[MerryH]

Yeah, I definitely remember your posts about your ex-girlfriend. I wanted to congratulate you on moving on and dating, but I didn't want to bring up your past. Glad you're over her and all that mess!

[Take2]

I would go one step further and discuss where you stand very casually and quickly. Do you think she is dating other people? Do you really believe that she does not consider you guys exclusive? You may need to clarify to make sure you are both on the same page.

[girl68]

If I were dating you for 3 weeks and you proceeded to date another girl, I wouldn't say you "cheated" but I'd not be happy at all. So unhappy I might free you up to date her only her.

[xxazurexx]

^I agree...........

[qwertz]

Yep, sounds like its a bit more than dating now, you need to talk to her and work out whether you are exclusive, maybe bring up whether she would mind you going on dates with other women (you dont have to directly tell her you are going on a date with someone else) her reaction/answer should lead you where to go from there.

[doppelgaenger]

See why you shouldn't tell her? Crazy girls get angry even though there's no commitment. Nothing wrong with a little white lie. I'm not advocating cheating... but you do need to figure out what's happening... usually people have that stuff figured out by 3 weeks.

Anyway, I'm glad you're dating other girls now.

[girl68]

Yes, I'm CRAZY bat shit nuts... Right. I didn't know I wasn't allowed to think that after 3 weeks I'd apprciate some honesty. I mean a few dates in, no... but this isn't a few dates in this is 3 weeks.

[doppelgaenger]

Well, you're expecting things to be exclusive after 3 weeks without any sort of agreement about a relationship - you'd get mad otherwise. I think that's a little unreasonable.
I'm pretty honest when I'm dating, but I really don't see how it's a girl's business if I'm dating multiple women so long as we're not in an exclusive relationship. If asked, I would outright lie, knowing it would probably piss her off and maybe ruin my chances with her.

That's just the way the cookie crumbles.

[girl68]

No I didn't say I "expect exclusivity" I said I'd expect a little bit of honesty or at least a bit of respect from him. He could mention that we're not exclusive and his intentions and I'll either respond by saying sure go ahead and date but I'm no longer interested if you do. Or I'd say I agree you're free to date, because I am too. And I think all too much most men would NOT be cool situations reveresed.

I reiterate: a few dates is FAR different than dating for 3 months. At 2 dates in, I wouldn't give a horses ass. At 3 months- yeah I would- there's feelings there.

[doppelgaenger]

No I didn't say I "expect exclusivity" I said I'd expect a little bit of honesty or at least a bit of respect from him.

What you said in your earlier post sounded pretty harsh and bitter. For the record, I've told girls in the past that I was dating other women (honestly). I really shot myself in the foot by doing that - they either got angry at me and stopped talking to me altogether, or if it developed into a relationship, I got accused of being a dishonest cheater, or a player. So this attitude is why guys shouldn't be honest about dating multiple women:

If I were dating you for 3 weeks and you proceeded to date another girl, I wouldn't say you "cheated" but I'd not be happy at all. So unhappy I might free you up to date her only her.

He could mention that we're not exclusive and his intentions and I'll either respond by saying sure go ahead and date but I'm no longer interested if you do. Or I'd say I agree you're free to date, because I am too. And I think all too much most men would NOT be cool situations reveresed.

Why would he mention that? It's only been three weeks and it's too early to talk about exclusivity. I think it's good to take things slowly when you're dating. It's better to see multiple people and pick one that's compatible for you than jump ship for the first fish you see. Girls get hit on all the time and have multiple suitors, so why can't guys date multiple girls? I've also dated plenty of girls who were dating multiple guys... that seems to be normal in my generation.

I reiterate: a few dates is FAR different than dating for 3 months. At 2 dates in, I wouldn't give a horses ass. At 3 months- yeah I would- there's feelings there.

Well, I agree that by three months that anything concerning a relationship should already have been decided. This is out of context, though; the OP has only been dating her for three weeks.

[Gratedwasabi]

Have a conversation with her. Tell her another girl asked you out but you're feeling uncomfortable with it because you enjoy what the two of you have but if it's not going to turn into a relationship at some point you feel obligated to look for something that is. It's a very fair conversation, in my opinion. Just be honest. Maybe she thinks you're in a relationship? Maybe she's been dating other guys? Have a talk, put it out there. If she can't handle that conversation then it's a pretty easy call.