LDR, Complications, but still love?

[DevotedorDumb71]

Hello,
I'm a 46 year old man. My ex girlfriend "Jen" is 54 and we work together. We still love each other but can't be together due to distance and my current custody battle over kids from my previous relationship with their mother. She broke up with me bc we couldn't be together and she doesn't want to wait any longer. She says she still loves me dearly, as much as ever. She told me if she thought this situation would be over any time soon, we'd still be together. I want nothing more than to be together again. Feel like we're meant for each other, yet here we are apart. But...I feel like I would regret just walking away for the rest of my life. Creative advice/solutions?

About me...Past 5 of our 6 years together Jen had to put up with me fighting with my ex-wife, "Beth". First over sale of our marital house which she was supposed to do but it took several years of legal fees and fighting to get done. THEN 11 months ago she got arrested for a DWI with 2 of our 3 kids in the car, 15 and 17. Ever since I've been fighting for custody, going in debt with legal fees, and had to move even farther away from my girlfriend (almost 2 he drive now) to get a place near the kids school bc that was the only way the court would give temp custody.
I've been fighting bc I love my kids dearly, don't like how she's been raising them, and bc she's still been drinking since the arrest.

About my Jen...the sweetest, most supportive woman I've ever met. I am a better person for having met her and I believe I've done the same for her. We love each other very much. We got engaged 3 years ago but had to wait through all the hassle of the house sale. 2017 looked line it was going to finally be our year then Beth gets the DWI and instead of moving closer to Jen, I have to move farther apart to take care of my kids. What seemed like a slam dunk case for me has been a nightmare. Jen, who already missed me terribly and put up with not seeing me most weekends for several years bc that's when I had the kids, now was even lonelier bc of this. She is 54, is financially solid, has a house she likes in the town she grew up in, and no mortgage. I was totally prepared to move there when we eventually got married. Her picking up and moving to be with me is not an option for her. She also doesn't want to wait anymore bc 6 years total has gone by and she doesn't see an end in sight. At 54...she doesn't want to wait anymore. She is seeing someone new but hasn't told me that...only that she's had dates. I think it's a rebound thing bc she started seeing him right after we broke up but she already went out of town to a wedding with him and who knows what else.

We continue to text and we go to lunch together a couple times per week. Even though I now have weekends free due to Beth having the kids for visitation, Jen hasn't wanted to get together outside of work with me..she gives excuses to why she can't. She still calls me by her nickname for me as well as honey and others, as do I with her. She's told me I love you in messages, she's said she misses me in messages. Sometimes almost feels like how we talked when we were together.

I recently mailed her a card and told her how I believe we're meant for each other and I'm doing everything I can to end the conflict with my ex-wife...and hoping she can stay sober so the kids can be with her again and I can get back to my life with Jen. I told her I'm coming back for her. Of course I worry about the kids and what happens if Beth relapses and I'm 2 hours away, but I also believe that one thing I need out of life is to be back with Jen. Jen reacted very positively to the card. Said went on about how she loved it and said she loves me back. However, I suspect she's also quite taken with her new guy too as they grow their relationship.

So I don't know what to do...I'm working on making my teenage kids more independent as Beth hasn't fostered that in them at all. Both kids are in therapy to deal with all that's happened. My daughter, who blamed me for the sale of the house and them having to move, is finally starting to warm up and be my little girl again. As our final trial comes up soon, I have talked Beth into coming to an agreement and avoiding this costly trial. She has supposedly been staying sober and going to AA. So there are SHREDS of hope that we'll all be okay but I stress daily about getting back with Jen. Despite her acting somewhat loving toward me still, I fear she'll be too far gone to want to get back together by the time I'm able to.
There really are a lot more details but I feel I've been too long already. Thank you so much for reading and for your advice!

[Hooo!]

How can you two get physically together in the near future (on a regular basis)?

[DevotedorDumb71]

That's kind of tough. We work together so we see each other there and go to lunch often. But she has made excuses for getting together outside of work probably 1. Bc she has a new boyfriend, and 2. Bc she's afraid to start up again with me since she doesn't see light at the end of the tunnel.

I know for that to change, she has to see that my situation is going to change. I'm currently in negotiations with my ex wife over the custody of my kids. While I'm hoping to get legal custody, I want to work out a transition where they can go back to living with her again. This would allow me to move closer to my ex girlfriend and commit to that relationship. But its not a simple thing.
1. Although my kids wanted to go back to my ex in the past despite her drinking, I don't know if they will when push comes to shove after being with me for a year.
2. I don't trust my ex wife that much, an I throwing my kids to the wolves by sending them back?
3. Although my ex girlfriend says she still loves me and would still be with me if it wasn't for this situation, will she be too invested in the new boyfriend by that point to want me back? Would I want her to just dump him for me? She could do the same to me later?

As I'm typing all this out, I'm realizing how impossible my situation really looks. If I were not me, I would probably tell me to move on. Like everyone else who wants their ex back, she holds a very special place in my heart, we do have a lot invested in us, lots of good memories, and I'm a romantic. Not only do I love her for the person she is, the person she's made me, but I'm very devoted to being loyal to the girl I feel is the one I'm meant to be with. I'm in love with the idea of still being able to get back with this wonderful woman despite all that's pulled us apart due to no fault of either of us.
While I'm a romantic she's a realist, very black and white. She doesn't see a clear end to my problem and doesn't want to be alone most nights hanging on and waiting for something she's not sure will ever come. She never saw herself hanging on for 6 years as it is, and I'm surprised she did as well. She's very loyal but everyone has their limits. My ex wife just kept fighting and dragging everything out and the courts didn't help any.
So I know my situation is bleak but I'm looking for a miracle. I'm looking for some outside input to help make this work, something maybe I've been missing bc I'm so close to it and have thought of nothing but for so long. Any other romantics here that have some out of the box ideas for this love to prevail?

- - - Updated - - -

One thing I don't get most recently is the card I sent to Jen. Went on about how devoted I am to us being together again. I'm sure she doesn't want to hurt my feelings but she has a history of laying things on the line when she feels she needs to with me. She had a couple opportunities to tell me that she has someone else now, to say I need to get over her, to lay it on the line with me. But she doesn't. She says she loves the card, loves the sentiments, loves ME! The very least she could have said nothing or been low key about it. Which makes me think she DOES still love me. But then she says she's going to write me a response but has not yet. She's probably as confused as I am maybe?

[Hooo!]

You don’t answer my question
I didn’t ask for excuses
I just wanted to know a way or a scenario kn which you and that girl could be together physically on a regulär basesis

[DevotedorDumb71]

Physically as in the same room, like I said, we work together. That's the main contact we have now. We go to lunch together several times a week while at work so that's slightly more personable.

I think the BEST way for us to get together physically on a regular basis would be to do things on the weekends together. (I'm assuming you mean physically in the same place as opposed to texting).

[Hooo!]

Is there a way for you to someday live together?
What has stopped you from doing weekend activities with her before?

[janelove121]

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()gmail.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me

[DevotedorDumb71]

Hooo...the plan was originally for me to move in with her. I actually spent a couple months last year staying with her during the week. I had my kids on the weekends though.

You know Hooo...the more I'm looking at my situation, the more I'm thinking that I'm fighting against God's will for me. If this relationship was so amazing as I portray it...she would have accepted my kids more. She would have made more of an effort to be with me throughout my various hardships. I think I'm starting to see for the first time that she was not into me nearly as much as I've been into her. Of course, I also made a choice of my kids over her. I felt I didn't have a choice, but there's always a choice.

Maybe our paths will cross again someday, or Maybe God's got someone completely different in mind for me. Just need to work on myself right now I guess...get comfortable with who I am instead of tying my identity to someone else.

[Hooo!]

I don’t get it
You are and we’re staying with you and she said she loves you but it’s nagging her that you cannot be together more?

You or i are lacking information

[janelove121]

Contact Dr. DUGO on E-mail: dugo_d()yahoo.com, he has the spiritual charm to make everything right back for you. Trust me

[DevotedorDumb71]

I am thinking now it's all been a lie. I don't think she's been honest with me all along. She said she wanted more time with me but turned it away when I became more available.
Anyways...I think it's a mute point now. She's moving on and I think the recent attention I got from her was an attempt to spare my feelings.
I poured my heart out to her and havent Heard so much as a "How are you?" all weekend. Its a person's actions that tell what's really going on.
Hurts like hell but I need to move on too and rebuild myself.