Complications with a friend? Please help!

[guardog999]

Please help - I know this is long, but I really need some opinions...

So there is this guy friend that I've had for almost 7 years. He and I were very close when we were younger, he recently told me I was the reason he got through high school. I was deeply attracted to him that entire time, and he often gave off vibes that he was too. However, he would suddenly go from very clingy to not seeing or hearing from him for months.

A few months back, I randomly sent him an email to see how he was doing. We decided that I would call him when I was home next to get lunch. When I did text him, he told me he would love to but it would have to wait till the weekend because he was extremely busy. I was not expecting him to ever get in touch with me.

However, Saturday morning I get two texts from him - one asking if I want to get lunch, and another an hour later wondering why I hadn't responded yet. We have lunch, and it was great, and he told me to please call him when I'm home for winter break. I said sure - then, 5 days later, at 3 in the morning, I get a text from him saying how glad he was he hung out and he was looking forward to seeing me.

When I'm home for winter break, he texts me saying he saw me in town. We chat for a bit, and I tell him I can hang out on Saturday. He says he wishes it was sooner, but okay. Well, I find out that he can't hang out for very long, but he wants to see me anyway. He texts me way later that night apologizing again (he had profusely, over and over when we were hanging out) about how sorry he is he cut it short.

After, he would randomly text me for no reason, we hung out a bit more, I ask him to come to a party with me next week and he immediately takes off work to go.

To skip to the end, he invites me to a bar to meet him and his best friend. I end up kissing him. He tells me how excited he is, how he's waited for this for years. His best friend tells me how he's heard about me for years, how he was talking about me all night. He calls me as soon as I get home, needing to see me again. We hang out all night, he says how sorry he is that the treated me so crappy in high school, how he's never been kissed like that, how he judges all his relationships on the first kiss and that was one of the best. He's happy it happened now, but it sucks because I'm leaving to go back to school and he's leaving to go to basic training (he joined the national guard). He never pushes anything sexually. He knows how inexperienced I am, and he tells me he would never push me into anything. He kisses my forehead, my nose, my hands. He won't let me leave. When he says he's so incredibly happy, I say I am too, and he tells me I don't have to say it for his benefit. He comes with me to my friend's birthday, trying desperately to make a good impression on all my friends. He talks about me when I'm not there, how happy he is, how he doesn't want to hurt me, how he's not good enough for me. My best friend's boyfriend chastises him for being too loud, and it completely shattered his confidence, I had never seen him so insecure. He even asked me if I still liked him after that.

Afterward, he doesn't call me for a few days, so I text him saying I'll need something back that I left with him eventually. He texts back asking why did I say it like that, did he do something wrong. I assure him he didn't, we make plans to see him the next day after he's done with drills at the military base.

He blows me off. I finally text him, and eh tells me he's so sorry, he got great news from the army and rushed home to tell his parents. Tells me he'll call the next day.

Never calls. I finally text him, saying I really need it back, and hes like of course, come over whenever. I get there, he comes to the door with his ex-girlfriend (he didn't know I knew who she was). I was so bewildered I could barely speak. He introduces me to her, doesn't seem guilty at all. He can see I'm upset, and asks me what's wrong, but I say nothing and practically run from the door.

A few days later, I call him and ask him who she was. He tells me shes a good friend, I have nothing to worry about, there's nothing there. He doesn't want me to freak out about it. He's calm, doesn't pause to think, doesn't get pissed off that I'm questioning him. He said he could see I was upset, and was a little angry that I couldn't talk to him about it right there. Blowing me off had nothing to do with me, I didn't do anything wrong. He still wants to visit me at school (he told all my friends he was going to also), but isn't sure when because his basic training date got moved back again.

I am so confused. What is going on? Could he not be making an effort because we're both going away? He told me he liked me for years, but never thought I felt the same way so he never did anything about it. He was telling me how mature he is now, which is why he's glad it happened now, but this is what he did when we were younger. Help, please!! I really love him to death.

[IndiReloaded]

This guy has issues. Hard to know exactly what. He sounds self-absorbed, tho, based on your post.

He would know very well why you'd be upset at some other gal being at his place when you show up. The fact he never contacted you about it, you had to call him, says he has very little regard for your feelings.

Think I'd have to conclude he's just not that into you. A guy who really cares will make effort of his own initiative. I just don't see that from this guy. Sorry.

[Gigabitch]

^^^ What she said.

He's emotionally irresponsible. He's shown you more than enough evidence that he's likely to hurt you. Don't let him.

[sam17]

The guy sounds like he has some real issues, run in the opposite direction far and fast.

[raptor5618]

Have to agree, this guy is messed up. Someone who tries too hard to be like is often a guy who is very insecure and in time will be an angry handful when things are not going his way. Time to move on to the next guy.

[michael4168]

There is a flip side to that coin. One that does not void him having issues but might make it easier for you to understand.
Some guys are of the opinion that you have to win over the "love interests" friends. If that didn't go well I can understand his actions. I'm sure the fact that you to are going to be apart soon has it's ramifications. Like I said none of the above negates the fact that he obviously must have at least an issue or too. But in the grand scheme of things who doesn't have an issue or two.