I have to choose, your opinion? please?

[Doors]

So I am currently in a relationship with a girl, and we have been dating for about 4 months. Then my ex came cruising along and said he loved me. The thing is this, the girl I'm with right now was my ex before too. The reason I broke up with them both? I didn't know who to choose, and now it is at its climax. I did think of having a polyamorous relationship, having thought about it before I even started dating. The guy said he was totally open for a poly relationship, the girl said she wasn't sure she's be comfortable about the situation. The thing is that I told the guy the situation about having to choose since he confessed to me about a week ago, the girl knows nothing about me having to choose, thinking that when I asked her about poly relationships it was just a survey. The hardest part is choosing because I also have in mind what my parents think. They don't approve fully of the girl because I'm also a girl, and they don't approve of the guy because he lives one hour away. I've dated both twice already, switching between,but now I know I have to choose and I can't find a way to talk to them both at the same time especially her, she gets hurt a little easier while the guy is more flexible. I just know that I love them both and one of them is going to be heartbroken which I will hate to see. Opinions?!

[Hooo!]

What do you want?

[Doors]

Hooo! I'm asking for an opinion on what I should do in this situation. I talked to her about it last night and this morning it was full of tension, she said to tell her what I was going to do later, but I haven't even heard her thoughts

[TheEvilJester]

No, you misunderstand Hooo's intention. Or at least I think so. I don't believe he's asking you what do you want from us. He's suggesting you ponder that very question yourself. What do YOU want? Do you find that you seem to be a better match for one or the other? Or perhaps if you truly think about it, you find that you like one more than the other. Or, do you want somebody who is open to the idea of your poly-amorous lifestyle? Would that be a deal breaker for you, or are you okay being with only one person if your partner is not interested in that?

These are just some of the many questions that you should ask yourself to help you in making this decision. They are, unfortunately, all questions we can't answer because we can't know. So we can't really give very specific advice because the answer could be different for so many reasons.

I'll give you an example...

You say HE is okay with the poly-amorous lifestyle.... but she is not sure. So, on the surface maybe that could suggest he is a better match for you. ...On the other hand, maybe her "not sure" could eventually evolve to her being okay with it.... but it could also evolve to her not being okay with it at all. ...But at the same time, maybe you like the idea of the poly-amorous lifestyle....but you wouldn't care if you never got a chance to participate yourself. Maybe you'd be just as happy with one partner so long as they are the right person...

Are you starting to see that there are so many "maybes" and "what ifs" where we can't fill in the blanks? Hence why we can't necessarily offer any more specific advice than to direct it back at you. We can offer our thoughts and our support, but this is one where ultimately the decision rests with you. Only you can know the specifics, and only you can know your own heart and your own desires enough to know whether one or the other of them is a better match for you.... or possibly even neither of them are the right match after all.

I wish you the best luck in figuring that all out. If nothing else, I hope we've at least helped even just a little . Even if just to help you sort of think it out in your own mind. Good luck to you.

[Hooo!]

No sorry you misunderstood me
What do YOU want in this situation?
What would be the best future scenario for you?

[Doors]

Yes, I am sorry I misunderstood you. Thank you both though, you did put me to think. I stayed with the girl because even though the guy was more open in what I wanted in the relationship, he had little flaws, but those flaws affected the relationship greatly. Thank you again 😊

[TheEvilJester]

Sometimes that is the best way to look at it. Not that you should expect anybody to be without flaws. Nobody is infallible. However, it sounds like his flaws were important enough that it made him perhaps a less than ideal partner. So, even though he may have been more into the lifestyle you were interested in, maybe he still had other factors that made him less compatible for you. Which doesn't even necessarily mean the gal is your perfect match either. She may be, she may not be. But, at least for now it sounds like she was a better match than he may have been. So, if it un-complicates things, sounds like that was the right move for you. Good luck.

[Hooo!]

I think this is the very most basic issues

People don’t know what to do or think they are lost.
This is usually (not always tho) because they simply don’t know what they want.
Or they don’t stop to think about what they want.

I’ve been posting those words on different forums over and over and over
And usually if they really just stop to think what they want suddenly the situation seems much more bearable or easy to “solve”

[bulrush]

Having a poly relationship complicates things quite a lot, as all people involved must be SUPER confident, and have SUPER good communication and relationship skills. Most young people just don't have that, so it's doomed to fail. But you'll never know how good you are at communication until you try poly.

If you want to try poly, do that. If not, I recommend you pick the best person for you and date them.

I have to give kudos to the ex who came back to say she loves you, that takes a lot of guts. But she may not love you at all, she might just need you. Those are 2 different things. Why do you think she overcame her fears to tell you that?