She rejected me, should I move on, stay in the friend zone or try again ? :(

[OKK]

Hi folks,

I am a new user here. Most guys never have the courage to go up to the girl they like and tell her about their feelings. I did and it didn't work out.

I met, lets call her, Sara last year in September. Sara is Spanish and she had joined our University in 2017. We literally never spoke. We passed by each other and never said a word. Even though we knew each others name since we were in the same department, I never broke silence. I actually was never interested in her. She was not the time of a person with whom I would actually go out with. So what happened ?

Last month, I finally broke my silence with her. We spoke for a bit and the day after that we went to a bar with one of our common friend. We had a few drinks and I really started to admire her, the way she spoke, her jokes, the eye contact was there. All in all, it was an amazing night getting to know someone. We then headed for another bar. At that bar, we got tipsy and I broke the touch barrier, I got close to her and started to touch her gently over her arm, back and even held her hand. She didn't mind that at all and I actually saw that she and I had a good eye contact. After a few drinks, we got a bit tired and I rubbed her gently on her back, she got close to me and layed her head on my shoulder. Our common friend observed all of this and told me privately if he was cock blocking me and Sara. I said no, as I did not know what exactly was going on.

We actually started to talk more and more and things were going great. She added me on Facebook, and we started exchanging texts on a daily base. She even found a nick name for me. Last week as we were texting, she asked me to join her for a conference on Friday but since I couldn't sign up, I asked her to go there alone. However, I then asked her out for a few drinks and to which replied that she already had some plans on Friday with her friends and that I should most definitely come with her.

So this last Friday, I went to a pub with Sara and her friends. Her friend (only one of them) already knew my name. But I already knew that this night could backfire on me since Sara's friend were all female. And this is exactly what happened. At the pub, one of Sara's annoying friend was literally quite open with guys. She wanted to introduce Sara to other guys and I was feeling gutted about that. Even though me and Sara were not dating and were just friends, I started to think it was going to be a shitty night. I must admit that Sara was looking at other guys when her annoying friend was pointing at them but looking at guys is not a crime. But this doesn't end here. Out of everything I said, Sara gave me 100 % of her time. She was talking to me, again I was touching her hands, her back. Things were great. Heck, I went out for a smoke and she sent me a message stating that smoking kills. If I went to the mens room she would ask me where was I gone. And as soon as I laid my eyes on the table, she had already purchased another drink for me. I returned the favor and bought Sara and her friends a round of beer. Moreover, I went yet again for another cigarette and she tagged along with me. I told her that she could join her friends and I will be there with her shortly and to this she replied, ''I will stay with you here''. It was cold and I gave her my jacket. All was going great. And from all of this, what do you make out of it ? I was completely sold. I knew at that moment that no friend does this with people that they just consider friends or maybe I was wrong.

She didn't invite any other guy from our University and just me. Why would she do that ?

Anyways as the night progressed, one of my friend decided to join us but as soon as he got to the pub, he was not allowed to come in as he had forgotten his ID. My friend, Jim, told me that he will get his ID and that we can meet him at this other new place in the city. Sara and I agreed and went back inside. When the time came to leave, Sara's annoying friend still wanted to stay in a little longer. After they discussed for several minutes, I asked Sara what was going on and Sara told me that she is with me where ever I go she goes. But then her annoying friend was trying to convince Sara to stay with her a little longer and then I stayed in with them for another hour or so.

After an hour we went to meet my friend. But this annoying friend of Sara's completely destroyed my mood. With all the things she was trying to do, to get attention from guys etc. We met my friend, Jim, at this bar and had a few more drinks. I bought Sara and obviously her friend a round of shots. We again started to have a good time, we danced. All was great again. I stopped dancing as her annoying friend came in between us. But what me and Jim observed was that every time I left the dance floor, Sara would come out to me, stay close to me. This happened like 2 or 3 times and I got the point that she wanted to stay closer to me. She grabbed me by the arm and we started to dance yet again. We danced as if we were like a couple, I hope you understand what I mean by that. It was all good but at one moment Sara asks me what are we doing ?

And from here everything went wrong.....

I told her what do you think is going on. She said something that I still can't remember to this day (even though all of this happened on Friday). I came clean and said, ''I wanted to say this to you for a while now but I didn't get the chance to. Sara you are absolutely gorgeous.'' She was flattered and said that she likes me too. But me being drunk, I went in for the kiss and she backed off. It was the wrong move, I agree, I have been out with her only twice now. It was fast. Sara then grabs my arm and sits me down at this table and tells me that don't crap where you eat and by this she was implying that we both work at the same department at the same University and things would be awkward. I told Sara, just take it as a compliment and you don't have to worry about anything. I didn't take it personally but as a guy I knew what she meant which was basically a NO.

We then decided to leave the bar and my friend Jim over there as he had found someone to talk to. Me, Sara and her friend were out heading yet to another bar again but after all what happened, I just lost interest in the night. On the way to the third bar, I just remember Sara and me talking a bit, she said I hope you find the right girl etc. I decided to leave and head for home as soon as we got to the third bar.

The next day after waking up, I checked my phone and Sara had sent me a text message asking me if I had arrived home safely and if I didn't end up somewhere else. We exchanged a few texts and I apologized to her for making her uncomfortable. However, I also told her that I did not regret the things I said to her because life is too short anyways and that she doesn't have to feel sorry about me because I am an adult and I accept defeat. She replied back saying, ''Great, don't worry, everything is like before now and I really admire your self confidence, I wish I had it myself''. That was it, after that she replied saying that she will talk to me later and this never happened. So I just assume that it was simply a pity text or maybe I am wrong yet again.

What went wrong ? And why am I feeling so hopelessly bad about myself. After all she did, staying close to me, allowing me to touch her, she grabbing my arm and her will to dance with her. What was going on ? I just reacted to her signals and went in for the kill and completely destroyed my chances.

Look I am a very direct person, I don't like to play games, I said what I wanted to. Guys from here either do one of the two things. They either move on or stay in the friend zone. I already decided to move on but I am struggling quite hard and its only been two days. The other thing I considered about was staying friends with her because even If i read all of her signs wrong, she was like an angel, giving me her full attention. She didn't talk to a single guy because of me. I was just sold by her behavior.

What should I do from here ? I was planning to work on my self and do the no contact rule. I want to focus on my life, give myself a month or two, to work on my self, being happy doing the stuff I want to do and then approach her. But this doesn't mean that all this will be just for her. No, I want to help myself but I would still like to approach her one day. Or should I stay in the friend zone and see her dating some other guy which would obviously hurt me a lot.

So folks, what do you think ? Was there something or is there anything left to salvage ?

[Over40Love]

Your penultimate paragraph has answered your own question. Work on yourself and do the no contact rule.

[cocacola]

Nope do not stay in the friend zone, it makes you look like a pushover and less attractive. Its clear she does only want friendship after reading this regardless of touching. She doesn't seem to be interested but you can make yourself interesting by not being around her which makes you look hard to get. Also go shopping, get some good outfits-be "cool" guy this can make a guy very attractive in my opinion. When you see her out act like you really don't care just say oh hi how you doing only after she speaks to you. Get another girl, make her jealous. Could work, but then again maybe not.

[GLYC]

Laughed at the "cool guy" comment. Haha


But, they're right. Don't sit in friend zone.

You did some good things. The going for the kiss, that wasn't bad, it just seemed right so you went for it.
However, I wouldn't have gone out with her and her friends. That's something you do as a couple. Or a friend does. I would have just said, "Nah, hey, I'm going to go out with some of my friends too, you have fun, and hey, maybe we can meet up sometime later this week"

It's best to go for those 1 on 1 dates. That way, you don't have to worry about friends getting in the way, you can give each other your full undivided attention. Plus, it's just more romantic. It's what lovers do.

I think you should have just been more direct, etc before.
However, I wouldn't be surprised if when you walked away from this she came back around.