A problem with a girl i like

[Latrap18]

We kissed on the 26th at midnight and we went out once more but we are in the same group of friends, anyway, i feel something for her but i don't know if she does for me, we were chatting yesterday and she told me that after her worst heartbreak she couldn't feel anymore because she gave all the love to him, should i wait? Because she told me she really wants this to work out and will leave everything up to time, or should i back out? I mean, i love this girl and i don't know if she'll ever feel for me like i feel for her

[vusumuzi]

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[TheEvilJester]

I will confess that I'm not 100% sure on this one myself, so hopefully some others have thoughts as well. Because... on the one hand, she did kiss you/let you kiss her. Yet on the other hand she's telling you that she "can't feel anymore" and that a previous breakup hurt her so much that it is apparently still affecting her. That's not exactly the best time to jump into a relationship with somebody. Normally my gut reaction to something like this would be to give the person same space and time. That is is better to try getting into a relationship when their full hear can be in it. Otherwise, you risk the possibility of just being a rebound to them, whether or not they even realized that was what they were doing.

I don't know, though, if maybe this is a different situation since you two have already kissed, that she's even told you she really wants to make it work, etc. etc. I guess, without knowing the situation more closely, my advice would be to think about what feels right to you, and do whatever it is that you decide based on that.

If you decide to stay with her, I'd recommend doing so with caution. Take things slowly. See how it goes. To some degree let her dictate the pace and hopefully in time she will get over her past and want to be with you 100%. At the same time, though, don't waste too much time waiting on her forever if it seems like she just can't get past her ex and/or just does not seem to be all that into you.

If you decide to leave her and/or take a break and give her time, then I'd say make it clear to her you aren't meaning to burn any bridges. That you would still like to go out with her again when she feels she's reached a time she can give a new relationship her whole heart. And then I would personally suggest that you proceed as you would if the relationship were 100% over. In other words, don't wait around for her and not date other women because you are hoping in time she will come back to you. Imagine as though it is completely over and she's never coming back, and proceed as though that is the case. Then, if she gets through her stuff and actually does come back to you, great... you can deal with it then. But, if she never does at least you weren't wasting time waiting on something that was never going to happen.

Best of luck to you either way.

[Hooo!]

Tell her from me to stop the bullshit

I know she has been hurt
And shit maybe you will hurt her too one day. No one can guarantee it
Maybe she will hurt you

Or maybe not.
However if she wants a chance on life and love then she has to make the decision that she wants to try
Maybe cautiously maybe defensively
But if she can’t get herself to be willing to be able to get hurt again then there is nothing you can do to safe her

Funnily (or sadly) enough is that by maintaining the walls she has built she is actually living by the hurt and bad things that has happened

It’s like having back pain and then keeping your posture wrong the whole time. You have to change the posture and endure some pain in order to feel good again.

[TheEvilJester]

I would agree with this. Truth be told, there is no way in life to 100% avoid being hurt. Even if you walled yourself up from the world, lived completely isolated and alone... are you not hurting yourself? If you refuse to trust anybody and give anybody a chance, are you not hurting yourself? It's one thing to take some time to heal and get over a painful experience, but then give yourself time to do that... and then move on.

I realize that advice is really more for her, though, than it is for our OP. But I do agree with essentially telling her to knock it off. Maybe put it much more delicately and sensitively, of course. Especially if she truly HAS been through a painful relationship recently. ...But it is NOT fair for her to play with your heart and emotions like this and then make excuses for it. So, either she needs to commit to giving you a true chance with her whole heart.... or she needs to let you go and give herself time to heal. If she can't do either, then you'd be better off making the decision for her by removing yourself from her life. Or, at the very least, giving her some space to figure her S out before you pursue anything.

Best of luck.