I just wanted to write it out...

[thefallguy]

My name is Chris and I live outside Austin TX. I was dumped by my fiance of 3 years in Dallas around our anniversary a couple weeks ago. It is everything I can do not to breakdown daily. I love her and I miss her very much but I have only myself to blame. I would go out and party with my friends all night and not love her the way she needs to be loved. But now I am devistated and I am beside myself. The punishment doesn't fit the crime in my eyes and all I want is one more chance. I know I am the epitimy of a jerk but it was hard for me to realize what I had until it was gone. With the flood of emotions that I have been experiencing I know I could be the right one for her. It hurts so bad. I would do absolutely anything to win her heart back but I am afraid it is too late. Nothing matters anymore and I did this to myself. I am about to do like that commercial on tv and streak onto a football field during a televised game with "please forgive me" painted on my chest. I wouldnt wish this agony on anyone...

Thanks for the ability to vent

Chris

[mini696]

Serves you right for not loving her.

[Jsnowman]

Chris,
I know how you feel buddy. Been there 100%. For me it wasn't going out partying, it was not moving to where she needed me to be. The bottom line is that if I had loved her enough, location would not have mattered.
Going out and having a good time is not a problem....every now and then. Everyone needs their own space from their S/O. If you don't see that it was too much and you ignored the signs, then yes right now this is a just punishment.

I don't mean for this to be harsh because everyone makes mistakes. I'm sure your feelings of pain and loss are temendous right now. It is important for you to learn from this unfortunate event so that if you do get back together with her, you won't do it again. Secondly, if you don't get back together with her, you still won't make the same mistake again in your next relationship....hopefully

I don't know if you are doing the NC rule or not. What has she said to you since the breakup? Of course I don't know exactly how she feels about everything but it may be best to leave her alone. Don't call, text, e-mail, streak naked on f-ball field. Instead, if this is appropriate, send her a letter and let her contact you. If nothing comes out of it, give it more time. Don't make the same mistake that I did which is not give your ex the gift of missing you.

Keep us updated.

[thefallguy]

You are exactly right mini.

Jsnow, I broke the nc rule religiously and now we dont communicate at all. I knew in my heart if she moved on it would be forever. I know she loves me and misses me but she said herself "sometimes love is not enough." I want to do something extreme to show her that I have realized my mistake(s) and that I can change. I am growing tired of crying and feeling miserable. If I dont do something to try and get her back, I could never live with myself.

[Mountain Man]

Fallguy,
I have heard those exact same words over the last couple of weeks ("sometimes love is not enough"). I still can't bring myself to pull away...but I am starting to realize that life will go on...and the longer I allow myself to feel the pain...I will.

For now, I try to take it day-to-day, minute by minute. Pretty soon, it's going to get easier...then one day, i'll wake up and the pain won't be there at all.

That's what keeps me going.

You'll make it through this man! Just as I've read around hear, I believe that if nothing else, use this as a chance to learn a valuable life lesson. I know that's hard to do now...but someday, you'll be better for it.

I'll be hanging around here for awhile. Until I feel better anyway. Keep me posted. We'll get through this together!

Deal?

[mini696]

I have been in a situation where I loved a girl so much it hurt (it really did). But that wasnt enough. It came down to the fact that I loved her for the intimacy, and that was all, I didnt have common interests and we didnt talk properly (or enough). I was blinded my my idiotic preconceived notion of marrying the first person I fell in love with (and the person first had sex with too).

I lived by the NC rule 4 days after the breakup was the last time I spoke to her. I told her I loved her a lot of times through those days. But she asked me not to call so I gave her that wish. It was her choice, she even complimented me on that when we got back together. We got back together after 4 months break, then broke up again, the NC rule was in effect after 24 hours this time. I had realised by then she wasnt the one for me so it was easier this time.

BTW when we broke up the first time even thought I didnt contact her, I was dreaming about her and almost calling her EVERY night up until the time when she called me (4 months later). NC was the hardest thing I ever did.

[thefallguy]

Mountain man, I say deal. Thanks for the feedback mini. I know I am not alone in this but it sure feels like it.

It has been a few weeks and I feel better than I did at least. I hate sleeping. At first I could only sleep about 2 hours at a time. The reason was because when I went to sleep it was like things were normal and nothing ever happened and when I awoke it was like going through it all over again. I don't think we'll ever get back together. I have never had a relationship end like this. There were financial obligations on both ends that went south and now I think she hates me (I couldn't see ever hating her). I never really got any closure and I probably never will (hence the drastic measures). Sometimes I feel like if I could just talk to her everything would be alright regardless if we were together or not. I only hope she thinks of me someday and enough time has past to where she has more trouble remembering the bad and not the good. It's hard not to feel like the biggest bastard on the planet. I am infested with self doubt but the most ironic thing of it all is I did everything to myself. Robert earl keen has a song that says "it feels good to feel good again." I know someday Ill be ok but letting go this time has been the hardest thing i have ever gone through...

[mini696]

...and you still wake up thinking of her dont you? I bet she's the first hing you think of in the morning.

Hate her... Its fun!! It is actually constructive to do so (the aim is to forget about you deep feeling for her. Even pretending to can help.

What kept me going was knowing I would find someone else, and I would be able to start over and not make the same mistakes again. Mistakes that could NEVER be forgiven if I was with my ex.

[TAVS]

Watch a bunch of romantic comedy's and study how the guy gets the girl back. Then wait a month of NC and try one of them

In the mean time, find or develop a hobby. I went out and bought myself a 78 Firebird and restoring it helps me get my mind off the woman I'm separated from.