past coming back to haunt me?

[jimmy]

im stuck in a dilemma guys and i could use some help to get out of it. you see, theres this girl i used to know, who ive always liked, i just didnt know it for a while. i knew her for years since i started school when i was like 4-5. we knew each other through most of school, we were the same age, in the same classes. we were really good friends. at school everybody always used to think there was something between us and some people said that she liked me, but i didnt pay much attention to em right then.

we didnt really talk to each other much in the last couple of years at school though, and since then ive hardly seen her that much. it wasnt until then that i realised i actually liked her, cos before that wed just been good friends. and the thing that probably helped me realise was the fact that before that i was seeing her around school almost everyday.

anyway, since i realised i liked her about 3-4 years ago shes been on my mind quite a bit, and even more recently. ive been having alot of dreams about her lately and apparently its because im thinking about what could have been and about what i feel for her.

ive talked to some people about it and the general consensus is that i should try to contact her and perhaps tell her how i feel and maybe even try to get our friendship back. i dunno though, i just think contacting her out of the blue like that would be a bit weird. and thats forgetting the fact that over a year ago i moved away from the town i used to live in. the town that, as far as i know, she still lives in.

i guess the biggest problem is actually contacting her and talking to her again. im scared of doing it. we havent spoken in probably 4-5 years. besides, when i moved away i thought that would be the end of that chapter of my life, despite the fact that i miss the town like mad, but it seems to have followed me. i dunno what i should do.

im trying to get as many opinions on the situation as i can and any input from you guys would really help. thanks

[equivo]

If I was in your situation I'd handle it like this:

Wait for some kind of occasion such as Christmas or her birthday (not essential but would probably make sense) and send her a card. In the card say who you are and that you want to get in contact with her just so you two can catch up (maybe add a few details about what you've been up to if you think she might be interested) and drop your number/IM contact name in there.

This way its not really out of the blue, plus it makes for a good excuse as to why you're contacting her cos lots of people send cards to others they hardly know.

[equivo]

Of course this is assuming she doesn't already know your number. If she does then just ask if she wants to catch up some time, and to let you know (in the card). If she calls/texts you then thats a good sign, and if not.. well at least you know she's not interested anyway.

[equivo]

Note I have no experience with doing this so it could be a totally bad idea

[whaywardj]

That a very fine thought, Equivo. Yes, Jimmy, find an occasion where it would make some sense to contact her. And TELL her you've been thinking about her lot lately. Ask her if she'd like to catch up.

[jimmy]

you guys did pay attention to the fact that i moved that i moved away right? just to make sure you didnt miss that part of my post.

i couldnt send her a card or anything though, i have absolutely no idea where she lives. i did know once but ive totally forgotten. addresses arent my speciality. the only method i have of contacting her is by email.

[whaywardj]

Why are you finding barriers and obstacles? Email's perfectly adequate for the purpose. Virtually anything can be an excuse for contact. A full moon: "Was watching the moon tonight and tought of you. Been thinking about you a lote latrely. Care to catch up?" A rainstorm: "Was watching the rain today..." A TV commercial: "Saw a girl on a TV commercial who reminded me of you..." Of course, the more generally accepted the occasion is (Xmas, Thnkxgiving, what-have-you), the more you can veil your true sentiments until you get a read on how she feels.

[equivo]

hmm. well send her an e-mail on a special occasion then :p one of those e-card things with a little message attached.

how far did you move? would the distance be an issue for you? if you don't think you could handle anything long distance with her, and neither of you are prepared to move, it may be best to leave it.. unless you'd be ok with fairly sparse contact in the future.

[jimmy]

i guess im just finding obstacles because, well im just scared of actually doing it, of what might happen if i do do it.

i moved about 100-150 miles away (not sure though, to be honest i have no true idea of how far it is), but i do miss the place like mad. i spent all of my life there so theres no way i wont go back sometimes. and yeah, i guess a big part of why i miss it is because of her. i didnt think of it until last night but one of the first thoughts i had when i knew i was moving was that i might not see her again. and when i went back a couple of months ago for just a day (i had a dentist appointment and its so hard to find a dentist over here that ive kept the one i was with there) my first thought was that i hoped i saw her. i didnt, and i was gutted because of it.

her birthdays april 24th though so unless i wait another 6 months or so, i guess xmas is the logical choice. you said that its best to contact her for an actual special occasion, but that doesnt mean i HAVE to do that right? but im still not sure whether i should do it all. argh, this is driving me mad.

[whaywardj]

In order of appearance: It's VERY good you're able to acknowledge your fear; things we know are always more comfortable and appealing than things we don't know -- enjoy the sense of belonging somewhere and knowing there might be a special someone to belong there with; no you don't have to wait to initiate contact. It just depends on much you want to keep your feelings close to your chest whether you wait for a commonly accepted special occasion or not.

Then there's always this old chestnut: How ya gonna feel about yourself later if you don't take some kind of action now? Don't you think you might wonder what might've happened if you had?

[equivo]

i didnt think of it until last night but one of the first thoughts i had when i knew i was moving was that i might not see her again. and when i went back a couple of months ago for just a day (i had a dentist appointment and its so hard to find a dentist over here that ive kept the one i was with there) my first thought was that i hoped i saw her. i didnt, and i was gutted because of it.

If you still feel like this after 4-5 years then you obviously have some pretty strong feelings for her. I think you really need to get back in contact to just see what she's like after so long not seeing her. Ascertain whether your interest remains after getting to know her a bit in the present, rather than basing your feelings on the past.

Christmas is 11 weeks away.. quite a long time to wait if its on your mind for any significant period of each day. Like whaywardj said, waiting till xmas will keep your feelings for her more subtle and hidden, whereas contacting her right now would probably make it more perceivable to her that she's been on your mind.

Up to you how long you're prepared to wait and what kind of message you want her to get. Good luck.

[jimmy]

It just depends on much you want to keep your feelings close to your chest whether you wait for a commonly accepted special occasion or not.

well i guess it might not be a good idea to just give it away, which i suppose i might do without seeming to have a decent reason to contact her.

Then there's always this old chestnut: How ya gonna feel about yourself later if you don't take some kind of action now? Don't you think you might wonder what might've happened if you had?

i already wonder what mightve been if id told her how i felt before and all that. i dont think i could actually regret it more now than i always have, if you get what i mean, i dunno if i phrased that right. out of all the things ive done in my life, not letting her know how i felt is the only real regret ive ever had.

If you still feel like this after 4-5 years then you obviously have some pretty strong feelings for her. I think you really need to get back in contact to just see what she's like after so long not seeing her. Ascertain whether your interest remains after getting to know her a bit in the present, rather than basing your feelings on the past.

to be honest im not quite sure what i feel for her, ive never felt this way about anyone so its kinda new. but yeah, it is something strong. for the past few years theres always been somethin there, that made me think about her and feel what i feel for her, but recently its got stronger because before i kinda made myself try to not think of her but now i cant stop, i cant help thinking of her. and everytime i do its like my heart skips a beat or something. its weird, but kind of nice. i get what youre trying to say though, i guess people change. for all i know i might have changed. ill just have to see.

Christmas is 11 weeks away.. quite a long time to wait if its on your mind for any significant period of each day. Like whaywardj said, waiting till xmas will keep your feelings for her more subtle and hidden, whereas contacting her right now would probably make it more perceivable to her that she's been on your mind.

its is on my mind alot, shes on my mind alot. like when i go sleep, when i wake up, not to mention all the time inbetween. hell, im even dreaming about her. but i can maybe try to hold off. like i said before it might be a good idea to not give it away.

[jimmy]

how obvious do you think it would be if i contacted her before xmas because im kinda finding it hard to do. and sorry about double posting.

[Ratfish256]

I say go for it man. Life is way too short to live with what ifs. The worst thing that could happen is that you could finally move on. The best? Well I bet you have thought alot about that haha. Go for it!