The Confrontation

[independent]

You've lost me... so research I will!

Are you suggesting it may not be healthy to try to rearrange my lifestyle to accomodate single life a bit easier?

[whaywardj]

No. But I am curious just how much you believe your "rearranging" of things has helped your health to the present. Or your well-being. I sense there's a certain surrender you haven't yet made in your life, and must in order to move on, and not just in matters of love. Let go of that it is most difficult for you to release.

Read "Siddhartha" and "Demian" (Hermann Hesse), back-to-back, in that order. (They're short books.) Then read the Garden of Eden story in the Bible. When you get to the part where Adam and Eve hide their nakedness in shame, replace the word "naked" with the word "self" and any words along the line of "clothes" with the word "persona" or "identity." It ain't fig leaves the story is talking about, and a naked body isn't what's being hidden. Keep in mind, too, as you read it that, in large measure, we, ourselves, are the God to whom we pray.

[independent]

No. But I am curious just how much you believe your "rearranging" of things has helped your health to the present. Or your well-being. I sense there's a certain surrender you haven't yet made in your life, and must in order to move on, and not just in matters of love. Let go of that it is most difficult for you to release.

Well, it SEEMS to have helped a lot. My home looks very different on the inside now than it did a few short weeks ago, which is refreshing and lifts my mood. Of course, these were things I had wanted to do for some time, but had felt held back on, etc.

I'm not sure what you're suggesting...

[whaywardj]

LOL! Either I'm misunderstanding all your posts and am seeing a lovely but troubled mind where there really isn't one; you're fickle in your sentiments from one day to the next, pensive and blue on Tuesdays but happy-go-lucky and devil-may-care on Wednesdays; or you're already well over him and all he represented and everything I've said is utterly off point.

All I'm saying is that I get a feeling a you spend FAR too much time trying to make your life rational. That you try to cope with your emotional life using tools that are better suited for more practical endeavors. That you try to reason things through too much, trying to apprehend what can't be known in advance, or prepare for what can't be anticipated. And that all the ways in which you've approached who you are and who you want to become heretofore in your life have only led you to exactly where it appears you are today: disappointed, frustrated, confused and hurt over someone important to you not being as you, at first, imagined they were, and things not turing out as you'd hoped they would. So, I'm suggesting you let go of those things in your own nature which have led you to such false impressions and, from that initial starting point, thereafter to places (and to who) you don't want to be anymore.

It appears as if you're busily preparing to turn over a new leaf. Setting a season aside in which you plan to do this and that to regain your center, or develop a new one slightly left or right of your old one. This house-cleaning, this feathering of your nest, is all well and good. If I understand at all what you're going through, though, I'd just caution you to be very careful of where you put what, and of what you keep or throw away lest you, later, find yourself right back where you are now, wondering if a point of view you're moving around would go better in that corner of yourself, or another one. It's not what's moved which matters. It's who's doing the moving which does.

[independent]

Hmm Maybe I AM fickle.

I do feel like I've come a long way in the last couple of months (considering I've held many of these feelings for almost two years now)... and have worked out much from post to post here at LF. And yes - kind of taking stock of all baggage (old and new) and deciding where to go from here.

[indigosoul]

Read "Siddhartha" and "Demian" (Hermann Hesse), back-to-back, in that order. (They're short books.)

This may seem irreverent, but I don't think Siddartha is all that big a deal. And not just being contrary; I've seen this book mentioned several times lately in the forum. I've just never found it all that profound. I mean, the guy gains life experience & wisdom by travelling (not all that widely), falling in love w/a courtesan (and siring a child which he knows nothing about), and generally not being all that responsible or productive. Later in life he must raise his son when the mother dies, and he wonders why the child is resentful of him. Replace S w/local bum-of-your-choice & you could have a similar story. Its only b/c Hesse (who is German, not Indian, FYI) chose to package it in some Eastern mystical wrapping that ppl make a deal of it. IMHO.

FWIW, I'm very interested in Buddist philosophy, just not this particular story.

Personally, I would recommend Platos Republic, for a number of interesting discussions on social responsibility and reality. For any ladies reading this, PR has an interesting section on women's role in the family, which is surprising liberal. Also Rand's The Fountainhead for a very readable story of "being true to oneself".

Edit: I haven't read the second book, so its possible I'm missing some stunning revelation that isn't apparent in the first.

[shh!]

I've read Plato's Republic. I was both surprised by it's progressiveness in some areas, and put off by others (for example his views on poets, which I understand to encompass all of the performing arts). I think his allegory of the cave set the stage for the birth of Christianity (at least, that is what I remember of it)...

[indigosoul]

I've read Plato's Republic. I was both surprised by it's progressiveness in some areas, and put off by others (for example his views on poets, which I understand to encompass all of the performing arts). I think his allegory of the cave set the stage for the birth of Christianity (at least, that is what I remember of it)...

Guess the poet stuff didn't bother me since its not a big area of interest for me. The Cave for me is more about the responsibility of the educator, which he touches upon in other sections. Basically says that b/c society has invested in us to become "wise" that we are responsible for passing it along (even if the masses are unwilling or unappreciative). As opposed to becoming the isolated wise man on the mountain. Something I happen to agree with. Tho I do wonder if Galileo read Plato. Probably, and small consolation I would guess...