Wits End

[cohdd]

Don't be angry. I'm sure it is very difficult for you that you have no control over this situation. But the only thing you can control is yourself, not her. Although you are feeling as if she is intentionally trying to hurt you, I doubt that is true. She had a whole history before you, and its possible that she has developed some real negative feelings toward sex. For women, even today, can be raised to believe that sex is bad, dirty, wrong. Did her parents instill these thoughts in her, to ensure she was a virgin before marriage? It is important for you to help her get to the root of her problem. Being angry and bitter will only make things worse.

Try being affectionate to your wife without expecting it to end in sex. Just try touching her lovingly and being with her. Remember the reasons you fell in love with her and why you got married. Although you have a problem in your marriage, it CAN be worked out. Marriages can become stronger when they face and overcome obstacles. Sometimes women feel that the only time a man touches them is when they are interested in sex. So by being affectionate, loving and caring, it can help her feel less tense, if she knows you are not looking for sex - which is the object of her anxiety. At some point, tell her how desirable she is, the reasons you love her, and tell her that sex is important to you, and you know that it isn't important to her. You want to work on this aspect of your relationship and you need her help. Look into making an appointment with a marriage counselor to get your marriage back on the right track. You want to make sure you have done everything possible to keep your marriage happy and healthy before walking away.

To keep your relationship healthy and strong, check out [url]www.relationship-advice-for-guys.com[/url]

[Mish]

Ahuh!!! Thus the paradox of no sex before marriage!!!

How many times have I said this! You can't marry someone and then have some symbolic sex afterwards to justify the wait. You're dedicating your whole life to this person, you should be 110% sure that this is the one and only on every level... This is what many people who "Save themselves up" face up to after the marriage. Many either have no drive for it, don't feel passionate enough or are so terrified of it that they develope a personality disorder just at the thought of it... I see absolutely no merrits in this practice and think it should be outlawed (As a giant contriubtor to the high divorce rate)

I don't know what advice to give you. Except that either your performance is not satifactory or her idea of what sex is very different to yours (Or to all people). I find it very hard to believe that a 23 year old woman would feel so passioneless about sex that she would only want to do it once in 3 months (And i've met some frigid girls). Something's a miss here. Maybe you need to look for the missing element. That symbolic passionate bit that may unlock her desires. Do a list of what she finds passionate and attractive and start experimenting with combinations of those, see if you can create the right environemnt...

Good Luck

[whaywardj]

Both Cohdd and Mishanya offer very good suggestions concerning remaining tender and caring, and managing the setting. About all I could add to what they say is try to not let the problems you're having cause you to lose sight of the person you love.

[Rosebud]

She is being very inconsiderate by not trying at least to satisfy him. No married man should have to endure sex 4-5 times a year. He should be allowed to sleep with other women. If his wife understands this, I don't see how it's cheating.

I don't think this will solve the real underlying issue that may be there. When people at the age of 23 stop having sex with their husband something is not right. Ther has to be a reason behind her not wanting to do this, we are only getting his side of the story and so we don't know what's really going on. If my "husband" approached me by telling me I don't give it up to him instead of wanting to talk through what else may be on my mind causing that I would take that as he only cares about that. And him helping out around the house and doing all those thigs are great but it isn't something that should be used as " I did this so I expect you to do this for me" It's being considerate.

I understand what your getting at but I think there is more to it then she just does not want to sleep with her husband, so him telling her he should be able to sleep with other woman would add to whatever issue she is having in the first place. If your wanting to sleep with someone else while yuor married whether the other person knows about it or not I do not agree with but to each is theri own. I still think if that's the case why not get out of a situation you don't get everything you (emotional and physical needs) want from and find one you do.