Reality doesnt match fantasy?

[arioch]

A situation happened recently and I am unsure how to deal with it properly. I have worked in the same company for 4 years now but left briefly for 6 months to work elsewhere. While I was there there was a female co worker, Emma, and she and I had always got on pretty well. She had a s/o and a daughter, who is 11 now, so I had never entertained the notion of forming any sort of relationship with her. We got on great as friends and I assumed it would remain that way. For most of my time there we worked in different departments, however, when I came back for my second term we are working almost side by side.

She is now single and has been so for quite a while. About 3 months ago we were sitting at our desks covering others who were on lunch and she turned round, right out of the blue, and simply said "I love you". I think I turned about 8 shades of crimson and, luckily, the phone rang at that moment because I simply had no reply. Later that day I had to send a company wide e-mail round about the servers going down for an upgrade. She replied with those same 3 words again.

In work I am quite popular ( dont know why, tbh!!) though I always try and make people laugh, always buy people stuff for their birthdays, housewarmings, christenings etc. I dont do it to score brownie points - Its just something I have always done.

Now let me tell you a little about her. She is stunning in a head turning way. Quick to smile and laugh and always there to listen and help with others problems. The type of person you just love waking up in the morning for to go and see.

Then the e-mails started. Almost every day she was sending 30-40 e-mails ranging from flirtatious (I Love You) to outright sexual( I want to have sex with you). She kept refering to how much I made her laugh during the day and made work fun for her. I replied, still not believing this was ever going to go anywhere, though happy to go along for the ride to see where it would lead. E-mails became texts then it was a constant barrage of both. Sometimes she was full on and, when I went in the same direction she would appear to back off. Frustrating.

Two weeks ago I decided I had to find out one way or another. I asked her if she wanted this flirtation to go anywhere or was she just filling in boring times of the day. She said she had really liked me for a while but thought I did not feel the same way. She was concerned that any sort of relationship may eventually cause problems at work but she wanted to give it a go.

This was just amazing. This hot, sweet, sexy girl wanted to give it a go with me! No problem. Lets give it a try. I had plans for the Friday night already and she had plans for Saturday so we decided to meet up on the Sunday. All Saturday night while she was out she texted sayng how she missed me and wished I was there. Happy Days, right?

So it came to the Sunday and our first date. 4 years in the waiting so lets not screw this up. We arranged to meet up and go get coffee and go for a walk. There was no awkwardness the entire time and we got on just as well as we ever did at work. Better, even. We had our first kiss (long one) and parted after talking about not letting this affect our working together. She had to get home to her daughter (quite rightly) so we spent the rest of the evening texting one another. She talked about how much she enjoyed herself and looked forward to the next time. Just keeps getting better, right?

Wrong. Monday comes and I am on the early shift so I am in work when she arrives. For the entire day she totally blanks me. Any attempt at communication is met with being ignored. WTF!?!? Is this the same person? After she leaves for the day I text her asking if I had done something to annoy her or if she just had a bad day. She replies saying she feels uncomfortable and that we should cease immediately. Happy Days? Not so much.

What could I say. I told her I didnt want to be responsible for her being unhappy and if she didnt want us going out again then that was totally fine. Except its really not totally fine at all. Hook up and break up in the space of 24 hours is a real kick in the teeth. Especially when we both really wanted this to happen.

So Valentines Day came. I had planned to do something nice with her as a surprise but that got scuppered! She sent me an e-mail, 12 hours after breaking it off, with a Happy Valentines message with hearts and kisses and all that stuff. Huh?? Then proceeds to text tonight saying "Everything will be alright again by the end of the week" again followed by kisses and hugs. HUH!?!?!

So I ask you - what the hell is going on here? Was the reality of the situation far removed from her fantasy? Did she just completely change her mind after one date (which she said went well)? Is she just afraid of the situation?

Oh yeah - one other thing she said which I found peculiar. She told me that I was intimidating. That she would not like to get on my bad side as I knew how to bollock people out (which I have to do from time to time in my job). I found that strange but unsure if relevant.

Now it is 5 days later and we are back to getting on totally fine at work. No one knows this incident took place and everything seems to be back at the friends stage. Perhaps its best that it stays there though part of me wants to ask her why? Why did you pursue me for months to call it off after a matter of hours?

Maybe I am best off never knowing.

[DutchBoY]

don't go there....you see what can happen after one dat and a kiss. I don't think you want to find out what happens if you get seriously involved and one of you wants to end it. Seems she doesn't know how to handle it, so best avoid it.

[Pears]

She seems to be extremely unstable. Wait until you're back in friends mode with her for at least a week. When you're in a comfortable setting with her, then you can try asking. I would be careful because she sounds very crazy.

[Gigabitch]

Wretched! What an awful way for things to end. What kind of terms is she on with her ex?

[Chlorine]

arioch----"So I ask you - what the hell is going on here? Was the reality of the situation far removed from her fantasy? Did she just completely change her mind after one date (which she said went well)? Is she just afraid of the situation?"

Maybe she was into the chase. She probably fancies you. So it was fun flirting, makes her feel good about herself, especially when you responded.
Now that things are moving along, she suddenly panics. She doesn't know what to do with you maybe.

Women are strange.

[clynn]

Could be that she took the "let's not let this affect our work relationship" way TOO far and so that when it came time to being at work with you she felt weird / intimidated / uncomfotable (after dating you).

Time will tell.

[arioch]

Well now absolutely everything is back to the way it is before we had our first date which IS confusing!

Today the flirtatious e-mails started up with the same frequency as before. Today the e-mails contained the I love you's - just as before.

I know she likes me. I am not being big headed when I say that. Every time I respond to one of her e-mails I see that big, beautiful smile grow on her face. Its such an amazing sight, haha! I just see it in the way she speaks to me, looks at me and smiles.

To Gigabitch - The ex is not an issue and has not been for quite some time. Afaik he is now living with someone else many miles away. He is never mentioned.

Part of me wants to avoid ever going back down this path. I adore this girl as a great friend as well as a desireable partner and think I maybe should just be content that we are friends because losing that would be unthinkable - and I thought I had lost that on the Monday.

Still - Its taking the exact path that I thought it would take.

[clynn]

Could be that she took the "let's not let this affect our work relationship" way TOO far and so that when it came time to being at work with you she felt weird / intimidated / uncomfotable (after dating you).

Time will tell.

I still think this is what happened. Once you went out on the date...she started to feel weird being with you at work, even though you'd talked all about it. The build up was so great.

[arioch]

I still think this is what happened. Once you went out on the date...she started to feel weird being with you at work, even though you'd talked all about it. The build up was so great.

I agree with you to a large extent on that point. Problem is how do you ever know how you will feel until the event has taken place, you know?

As I stated in my last post - I am just thrilled we are back to being good friends again.