He's broke my heart.

[Meow]

Hey all, i'm new to this forum and dont know what i'll gain from this thread, i spose i just need to blow off some steam.

I met my now ex boyfriend on the internet nearly 4 years ago, we lived in different cities, and the long distance relationship carried on for just over a year, then he moved to my city to be with me, i was over the moon - he bought a house across the road from me, he asked me many times if i'd like to move in with him but i never moved in as i wasnt ready to, and he assured me he understood and wouldnt pressure me into it.

Five weeks ago, he said he wanted a 'break' as he didnt feel loved by me, he said that i meant everything to him and he wanted to be with me more than anything, but things hadnt progressed as they should have in his eyes and we needed to be apart so that i could figure out what i feel - I'll admit that things did go stale for a while, and i'm the one to blame for that, we stopped going out (couldnt afford it) i became distant since i took on the role of full time carer for my nan the previous year which meant we were unable to go places, do alot of stuff together as i had to be close to home incase nan needed me, which she often did - she was 97 when i started caring for her. And we got stuck in that routine for well over a year, until nan passed away 3 weeks before he requested this break.

Anyway, back to the 'break' - i was heartbroken, but the next day, we managed to sort things out, i totally opened up to him, made it clear of my feelings for him and that he was all i wanted, things changed for the better, we got alot closer than we have done for a while, it was like a new relationship to me and i fell deeper in love with him than ever before - he was alot happier with the way things were too.. Then two weeks ago he emailed me with the old 'we need to talk later'.. and i knew straight away what was coming.

I sat stewing all day waiting to see him, crying my eyes out - when he got in, all he said was 'i'm so sorry' and i knew i was right.. his reasons for ending the relationship..? he didnt love me, he had been happy and things had been great with us.. but it still wasnt enough for him - he says i'm his bestest friend and always will be and he wants us to remain close friends but he said the relationship just wasnt working, it didnt feel right and he doesnt know why. I'm devastated.. and again i feel it's all my fault.

We're still in touch kind of, and on friendly terms - i've backed off, left him to it and been keeping myself busy, i love him so much that i cant bare to hurt him by badgering him so have decided i'm going to agree to anything he wants.. have started picking myself up, going out with friends more.. alot more.. i'm not even thinking about meeting anybody else as it wont be fair to me or them as i'm still in love with somebody else - during a casual chat with him the other day, he asked me "so have you seen any nice guys while you've been going out then?".. which totally threw me, he's since told me he were only trying to make conversation, thats all..!

I really dont know what to think about the whole situation - i love him so much and i really cant see how you can just fall out of love with somebody, just like that.. there was no signs, he even said he'd been happier since the break, so how can it happen? I just dont know what to do, i'm keeping my distance from him at the moment as i'm getting really confused. I just dont know what to do.

Sorry for the really long post, people.

Me x

[Ellynn]

First off, Im sorry to hear about all this.. I know it must suck after being with someone for for quite awhile....

But, he just didn't feel the same as you.. Thats the funny thing about time.......it tells. I mean its not like he didn't try to work things out with you... He did, but it just wasn't working for him... You weren't comfortable moving in with him, so you didn't.. Which is good.. If you weren't ready for that kind of commitment, then its best not to rush it.. BUt obviously he was....even though he claimed there was no pressure... But if you think about it, he did give you quite a bit of time to figure out what you wanted.. It just was very different from what he wanted.

Its honestly best you both found this out now, then after marriage....or after another couple years together...

Im sure its nice to have him as a friend, but IM sure its also kinda hard. I know you still have feelings for him. IM sure he wants whats best for you as you do for him.. If you truly care about him, you have to let him go...as much as it hurts. If he wants to be with you again, he will come back. But I wouldn't count on it.. You need to move on... He obviously has...

Its normal that when your hurt like that, your not gonna feel anything for anyone for awhile.. But give it time.. I'm sure eventually you will find someone.



And don't feel bad about the time you spent helping your nan... YOu did a VERy good and honorable thing there.. You were where you needed to be at the time even if it did take up alot of your time. Im sure you wonder if you hadn't taken on that responsibility, things would have been better... But either way your differences were bound to surface eventually..

If being friends with him is that hard on you, maybe it is best if you just keep your distance.. I know thats how I dealt with a few of my ex's in the past.. It was just easier that way... That time away can heal alot of wounds....

[Meow]

Hi, thanks for your reply.

I know your right, and i also know that being friends with him is not something that will work for me - i've realised why our relationship wasnt working and it was down to me all the way, and i cant be friends with somebody who i pushed away (unintentionally) to the point where he didnt love me anymore, especially since i love him as much as i do, it breaks my heart.

It's been so hard for me today but i've decided that i cant have him in my life anymore - i still love him immensly, but i cant get over him if he's in my life, i need to recover properly and healthily. So i'm cutting all contact. The only thing now is do i just leave it at that or tell him? I dont know what to do for the best on this one.

Me x

[Gigabitch]

I think you need to tell him, so that you will hear yourself say it. Otherwise, I think you'll always hold that door open, just a crack, and you'll have a harder time of it.

Meow, what are you going to do about your problem? This could easily happen again if you don't make sure it doesn't. How can you learn to open up to love?

[Meow]

I honestly dont know what i'm going to do.

I know that i need to sort myself out if i'm ever going to make a relationship work in future.

Me x

[Ellynn]

Taking time to sort out everything is not bad thing.... Sometimes people need that time away from dating to find out what they really want.....and to evaluate their lives...

Its alot better then just jumping into something else without really thinking....

Don't beat yourself up so much about your relationship failing....but just recognize what you can do differently if you find yourself serious with someone once again.. There must have been a reason that things didnt progress further... Something was stopping you... YOu need to figure out why this happened...

Maybe deep down you just knew it wasn't gonna work.. And yes now you miss him and all that, but was it really as good as you remember it? Or now that hes gone, maybe you are putting him on a pedestal....

As for contact with him, I say if its too hard to maintain a friendship with him, then don't.. Let him know this... And also explain to him why.. Then stop all contact and move on...

[Ellynn]

Taking time to sort out everything is not bad thing.... Sometimes people need that time away from dating to find out what they really want.....and to evaluate their lives...

Its alot better then just jumping into something else without really thinking....

Don't beat yourself up so much about your relationship failing....but just recognize what you can do differently if you find yourself serious with someone once again.. There must have been a reason that things didnt progress further... Something was stopping you... YOu need to figure out why this happened...

Maybe deep down you just knew it wasn't gonna work.. And yes now you miss him and all that, but was it really as good as you remember it? Or now that hes gone, maybe you are putting him on a pedestal....

As for contact with him, I say if its too hard to maintain a friendship with him, then don't.. Let him know this... And also explain to him why.. Then stop all contact and move on...

[Meow]

yeah, i've no intention of meeting anybody else, it will only hurt me more in the long run.

As for the relationship, it was perfect, he was perfect and i'm not saying that now that i've lost him, i always thought it - we never argued or had fights, never even fell out - He never made me cry, or said anything hurtful and i never upset him, we just clicked - the relationship was perfect.

I've never had so much respect and love from a partner and i think thats what ended it - the relationship was the total opposite from what i've been used to in the past, i've been hurt/used/treated badly so many times. And i think thats my problem - i was too scared to let him love me that i eventually pushed him away.

i'm just arranging to go over to his now and tell him my decision.

I just need to look after myself now.

[Ellynn]

Don't rule relationships out all together!! But just take some time to focus on other things right now....

[Meow]

ohh no, i'm definatly not ruling out any future relationships, i just meant that i've no intention of meeting anybody else until i'm certain that i'm over him, wouldnt be fair to either party if i got involved with somebody then 3 months down the line i realised i wasnt completely over my ex.

I've just been to see him, he only lives across the road from me, so i made it quick and it hurt, i didnt want to leave, but forced myself - told him i couldnt be friends with him as it was too hard for me - he said he understands and wants to do what will make it easier for me - also that if i feel like i can handle being friends in a few months when i'm feeling better then he'll always be there for me.

I just need to concentrate on me now - my appetite has gone downhill, so has my weight (he was shocked to see just how much weight i have lost) spose it doesnt help that the only thing that keeps me occupied is working out, eek!

I'll pull myself together eventually, it's going to be hard i know, but i think i've done the best thing by calling it quits altogether.

[Meow]

Hello all!

I was going to start a new thread but decided to just carry on from this one, since what i'm about to post is relating to this thread anyway.

First off, i'd like to say how much this forum has helped me get to where i am now, just by reading other peoples experiences it helped.

Anyway, in my last post, i was gutted as i'd just told him i could no longer be friends with him.. and i stuck to that and also kept blaming myself until i finally opened my eyes.. i sat and thought long and hard about the relationship.. why i felt i couldnt open up to him ect.. and the reason was he was pushing me away also, he never showed me that he needed me, or help from me.. and that hurts (tho i never realised it before).. if he had a problem, he buried it and got on with things.. he's not entirely to blame i know, but neither am i.. yet his reason for falling out of love with me was that i didnt open up to him. I kinda felt like i was being blamed, which isnt fair.

I dont like being held responsible for things that i'm not totally to blame for, so i emailed him.. i was very calm and understanding and told him what i'd realised.. he replied and admitted i was right.. he also admitted that his past relationships have failed because he did the very same thing.. bottling everything up.

So anyway, i'm back to no contact and up until yesterday i was feeling low, mainly because i'd spent the week on my own as friends and family have been busy.. but i'm finally getting somewhere - i also realise that i'd changed during the relationship, the last year or so, i became unhappy with myself, how i looked (i put on weight) and just uncomfortable.. i'm now starting to feel like the person i was when i met him.. i'm happy with myself again, and i've got my confidence back, i've worked hard to get back into shape, even before we split, but i'm in better shape now than i was before, so i'm happy.

I do still love him immensly and it's still hard, i know that if he wanted to try again, i'd give it another go as i believe we could make it work now we both know what went wrong what what we could do to make things right.. but i also know that i dont need him to be happy. My world doesnt revolve around him, it revolves around me.. if that sounds selfish then so be it, i need to be abit selfish to be able to get on with life i think.

Me x

[Kellie_Sabrina]

I am very happy to hear that you are feeling better & moving on. I know myself that it is hard being friends after you have been in a relationship with someone. I too have had to end all associations in order to get on with my life.

I'm glad you no longer blame yourself & are happy again. Just keep a positive attitude!