what justifies someone cursing and yelling at you?

[zracer240]

Ok, so i said something to my girlfriend that completely made her lost it, and started cursing me out and yelling. See, we've both been thru alot of crap lately, and i said something along the lines of well i've been thru more than you the last month. Which pissed her off because she says i'm making her problems out to be less important than mine, which is understandable, but i tell her she just needs to tell me that, and that is all, you know, like a mature person would do. Instead she yells and curses and basicaly goes insane on me, and when i call her on that, she says well it's justified because of what i said. So i guess anytime i say anything that isn't perfect, she is free to curse me out in her mind.

Just to give you idea what we've both been thru. In past month, she got out of a 5 month relationship with a guy she was in love with. And she lost a best friend who she's known for a long time, he basically moved on in life without her and she is hurt deeply from it.
now for myself, i lost a really good job a couple days ago due to circumstances beyond my control. I got in a car wreck because i fell asleep at the wheel cause i've been so exhausted lately, which will cost me literally thousands of dollars. and i've gotten out of a 4 year relationship.

She can talk about her X all day long, but the second i bring up mine, she gets all pissy. She will yell and curse me out for anything i say that she doesn't agree with, like the other day i said she isn't a very caring person, because the way she was treating me, that is how she comes across sometimes, even tho i know she does care deeply. Even tho she will often say i don't give a crap about anything.

So people please help me, need some outside advice. In my mind, she is the definition of immature, and a drama queen. Of course she doesn't think she is at all, but i think she needs a reality check. I'm a really chill mellow person, and i don't know if i can handle this, even tho i care for this person deeply, and would like to make it work out, i just don't think it will be possible. I'm open to someone telling me i'm wrong, i try to tell it like it is, without any biases. so please put me in my place if needbe. appreciate any advice, thanks.

[Tiay]

The things you said weren't exactly nice, but that doesn't warrant starting a swearing spree. Here's a great article on fighting: [url]http://www.aish.com/dating/wisdom/Hooray_for_Fighting!.asp[/url]

it looks like you two (or especially her) have communication problems. How long have you been together? You say she only got out of her past relationship in the past month. Now, my situation is weird so I've never dated, so I don't know.. but doesn't this make you the rebound guy?

If you really want to give her a chance, voice your feelings. And don't say "you never let me talk about my ex, you aren't caring," etc. I'm not justifying her swearing, but she might perceive those things as out-right attacks on her.
So instead say "I feel like you are always talking about your ex" or "sometimes I feel you don't really care about me", etc. be totally mature with her and ask her to try to understand where you're coming from. If she still flips out, offer her a time-out to cool down. But really, if things don't improve, you should consider just being friends with her.

[zracer240]

We are actually each other's rebounds, so most people say our relationship is destined to fail, but we just got along so well together, we tried the friends thing, but we were weak and went for it instead.

I agree with you on the communication problems. i try hard to tell her, exactly the things you said, but she isn't having it. Some people are impossible to talk with, or reason with when they are angry, ya know?

[Tiay]

well, I can understand that. But I can't see much future for you if you don't resolve this. She needs to apologize for yelling/swearing, you need to apologize for saying things about her you know aren't true, and if you can work that out, you will come closer together because you have resolved a wall that was between you. But if she's just not willing to put any effort into improving her communications (and especially if you have as you say put in effort yourself) she needs to know that wont cut it.

I somehow have a feeling that this "I had it harder than you" - "no I had it harder!" argument has something to do with being each other's rebounds..

[bluesummer]

Honestly?

I think you're right - it doesn't sound like it's going to work out. She's got a serious double standard thing going on about the exes too.....she can talk about hers, but you can't talk about yours? Not fair. Also, you said she talks about him 'all the time'? Clearly she's not over him. You truly ARE each other's rebounds, and it doesn't sound like either of you have had enough time to heal.

Really, just because you really care about her it doesn't mean you have to be in a relationship with her. You two need to take a step back and take a breather I think. Just my two cents.

[BlackiesHD]

We are actually each other's rebounds, so most people say our relationship is destined to fail, but we just got along so well together, we tried the friends thing, but we were weak and went for it instead.

Don't know about the cursing thing but just based upon my personal experience don't let the rebound thing stand in your way. I rebounded after my first wife left within eight weeks and had a great fifteen year run with 'Miss Rebound.'

My (much) older Brother was happily married for thirty-six years when his wife died suddenly. He met a new lady (without looking for anyone) about four months later and they're still happily together after ten years.

Go figure... Guess if it works it works, if it doesn't it doesn't.

[Power Diva]

I don't rate the yelling and swearing kind of fight, mainly because it doesn't solve the problem it just makes a lot of noise.
If I wanted to see change I would make it clear that that behaviour was unacceptable and walk away. Set some boundaries.

[Tiay]

Blackie's right, of course, rebounds can work, it depends. They're just less likely to.

[Late_vamp]

seems as if your dating my ex

[Gigabitch]

seems as if your dating my ex

Uh-oh! Danger!

But seriously, you're both just a couple of messes, aren't you? Evaluate your expectations.

[Ellynn]

Why would you want to put up with constant argueing, cursing, screaming, yelling etc?

I mean I can understand an arguement or two, but if its constant, that should tell you that something is seriously wrong.

Get out while you still can....