Need help

[Teejay]

I have been shy around girls for my whole life until lately, I have done abit with girls but havn't REALLY liked any of them as a girlfriend,I started talking to this one girl I know from school at my friends party at the start of summer and have talked to her quite abit both on the internet and in person.

I know she is shy also, because loads of boys I know have tried it on with her and failed, she has alot of self respect, but I feel I have more in common with her than anyone and can talk to her openly about stuff more than anyone else, she shares very similar interests to me. I have thought about her every single day for quite abit since my friends party, and I would go so far as to say as I love her because I cannot stop thinking about her, the problem comes in where she doesn't love me back.

I stupidly said at another friends party that I really liked her, which jeopardized all the time I had spent getting close to her because she does not return any of this interest, she didn't say it then but I got my friend who is her best friend to ask her if she liked me. The response was "I really really like him as a friend but nothing more, but I still want to remain friends with him and talk to him because we really get on".

I know I should give up now, but I honestly feel as if this is the only thing that has really mattered to me for a very very long time and I would give up everything for her to even show the slightest bit of interest in return. My friends say they understand but I don't think they really do, I have been staying in every day wondering what I need to do now because the way I look at everything has changed. You can call it teenage hormones (I am only 16) playing up if you want, I know it isn't. Before I met her properly, I had no real aim in my life, go to college, get a career etc. but next to this, none of that seems important in the slightest.

My question is this, is there still any chance of her liking me in a more than friends way? I know I couldn't give up now even if I tried, and I definately couldn't let her go, which seems stupid as hell as she has never even liked me in the way I like her. What I aim to do is to be a good friend to her without all the awkwardness and then start making moves in the future, without rushing things this time. I don't suppose I really gave her any signs that I liked her as more than a friend until I told her so I doubt there was really any reason for her to like me in that way, but I don't know anyone else who is more on my wavelength about nearly everything, the only difference between me and her is that I love her and she doesn't love me.

Is there any way to create that chemistry and salvage any chance we have of getting together? because if there isn't I honestly don't think I could live happily indefinately. How can I turn our friendship into more? Would it make any difference if I told her how much I loved her? because I know if I expressed myself truthfully it would come out beautifully, but does knowing someone loves you generate ANY feeling back?

[thinker]

Ok. First of all, you are 16. You are a BABY (don't mean that offensively, but you have a looooooong life ahead of you!) I never even tried to date until I was 19... and still I look back and see all the mistakes i made and how immature I was and laugh

Secondly, you need to understand somehting about women and the term "friend". It is not like the guy's definition of the word; we see it as someone we are not dating, but who we do get along with and like to be with nonetheless, and maybe they can "upgrade" their status to girlfriend with the right cards so to speak. With women; completely opposite. Friends and boyfriends are like night and day; If you really are in her "friends" category, then you may as well be another girl (assuming she is fully hetero, of course) I am just worried that you will get hurt a lot more than you can handle by being in her friends zone and being close to her, hoping she will notice you as more (she will not, trust me) and you will be in sheer torture for who knows how long... of course, anything is possible, I'm just saying 99% of the stories we get here are of guys who have wasted YEARS of their lives following this girl that they are "in love" with only to be trashed and trampled by their utter disregard for the guys' feelings... don't let this happen to you. Now, if you feel lucky just tell her! Be completely honest (this can get REALLY awkward, mind you) and let her know that you cannot handle being close to her as a friend without getting any closer. I say this becuase odds are very strongly stacked against her ever seeing you as more if you only show her yourself as a friend... it might be a better chance if you stay completely away (you can talk online or say hi and stuff, but no deep conversations or hanging out too much at parties... this will KILL you) and if she really feels that connection to you, she can pursue it as she likes. Just don't get caught in the elusive trap of being "friends" with a girl you have more feelings for; this will almost always backfire in your face and leave you very hurt.

[Junket]

Would it make any difference if I told her how much I loved her? because I know if I expressed myself truthfully it would come out beautifully, but does knowing someone loves you generate ANY feeling back?

Oh yes, it would make a big difference!

Of scaring her the **** away.

Stop spouting this shit like you're some kind of teenage Romeo.

"expressed myself truthfully it would come out beautifully"

What the hell??

You start spouting love now, I can tell you that any chance you had with this girl is already out the window.

[Teejay]

lol, whatever prick. Even if what you said is valid, you express yourself like a cunt, tis people like you that made me not want to come on the internet for help. All you do is make people feel worse about themselves, you can say things alot more gently than you do. Don't say stuff I've taken quite awhile to think about and write as "spouting shit".
Teenage Romeo WTF? you chat shit.......

Cheers Thinker, what you said has helped and ima try and start moving on and putting shit behind me.

[Junket]

Even if what you said is valid, you express yourself like a cunt

And that's all that matters.

You'll soon see Teejay, if you stick around long enough, that when you ask for advice, you're gonna get advice, in one way or another.

Think has a tendency to spell out and sugar coat some of his advice.

Which can be good.

My preferred method is to tell you straight up, how I think it.

Or know it, for that matter.

What's funny is that often times, regardless of how it's delivered, we tend to give very similar advice.

Just depends on what your style is.

Some people need the sensitivity.

Others need a slap in the face.

You gettin' me?

Don't take it personal.

Not from me anyway.

[derm]

Teejay.

Man we've all been there. I'm quiet a bit older than you and believe you me it has happened me on more than one occasion, you fall for a gurl but she doesnt feel the same. Classic!

My advice is, stop seing her as a potential GF, it will eat you up, take up every waking minute of your time thinking about her. If you try to be friends with her and you 'love' her, it will backfire. Because us guys cannot be friends with girls we truely fancy, WE CANT!!

If she knows you really like her (and she doesn't feel the same) she will act differently around you and won't be herself. Nothing will ever come of it believe me! You really need to try and let this girl go, try and think of the negative things about her. If there arent any, invent some! When you see her, imagine she has an awful smell off her breath, or has a mans voice (Funny I know but it will work)

Really there must be something you are missing in her eyes. It's not your looks (9 times out of 10 its NOT!) it may be that you are comming accross as inexperienced, desperate or lacking confidence. Man girls really dig a guy who is/has confidence. Confident in himself. The 'I DONT GIVE A SHIT IF I PULL YOU OR NOT' confidence.

You should be treating every girl the same, appear confident, talk to every one of them BUT with confidence and as if they were your sister or cousin. let them think you are a really nice fella and that you your only making conversation. Then tell them it was nice talking and walk away, leave them wanting more, you can always chat them up again some other nite or later in the nite. It's when there is no pressure they will fall for you and when you know you have them, its like taking candy from a baby! (never understood that expression, baby's wont let go of their candy!)

Give them the 'I JUST LIKE YOU AS A FRIEND' approach. Ever wonder why gay men or men in relationships are better friends to girls. Its because the girls doesnt feel under pressure and these guys arent trying, girls hate a guy who try's too hard. They don't feel treathened by them and they don't come accross as desperate.

If you can oooze confidence, have a don't give a shit attitude, look and dress smart and are a nice fella, believe me you can practically have any girl you wish..............THATS what you gotta turn into!

Gurls please dont give me a hard time for posting this....please!

Good luck Teejay

P.S. If you want a few more tips, drop me a mail.

[Gigabitch]

Derm, that only works for charming men. Teejay is shy. Telling him to be confident is kind of like telling him to be 22 years old. It will happen eventually, but not today.

Teejay, my question is this: Did you try to pull her in front of a bunch of people? Maybe that contributed to the problem, as she is possibly shy as well.

Or, it's possible she's got a serious, hopeless crush on somebody else and she just doesn't have any available space in her heart right now. Whatever the deal actually is, if you start chasing her around, you're going to freak her out, so don't get too pushy.

[vashti]

I think it is very rare that a girl who says she isn't interested in someone she knows fairly well changes her mind. I think you ought to give up on this one. You are only 16, and I know it seems hard to believe, but you WILL recover, and you WILL move on to another girl. In the meantime, I think you ought to accept that there will be more "no thank yous" coming from girls than girls who like you. It is all part of the "weeding out" process, and you are just starting out..

[thinker]

Think has a tendency to spell out and sugar coat some of his advice.

Which can be good.

mmmmm.... suuuuuuugar...