Internet made and killed my relationship

[Melony]

This is my first post, I have been reading for ages! Its really long but please read, in summary its just that my b/f was talking to a girl on the net for first 4 months of our relationship behind my back and i found out!

Well basically I started talking to this guy online for bout 5 months and then we met and two weeks later we started going out. We talked every night on the net for hours and we new so much about eachother for the first 5 months before we met. I have been going out with him for over a year now and love him so much and he loves me but recently I was looking through his computer and found out that he was talking to this other girl for the first 4 months of our relationship.

He had seen this girl about a week before we started going out and he told me she was just a friend and i believed him, but i found out they kissed. She lives about 15 hours away in another state. But what I read on his computer nearly killed me! He didnt tell her about me untill 3 months into our relationship (where he said, 'oh we gotta stop flirting coz im officially going out with mel' and he would talk to her on net while talking to me on the phone and tell me he was tired and hang up but conitnue to speak with her online!

He said he missed her lots and he chose her over me so many times by not ringing me and talking to her instead online, and when he did ring he'd say to her 'im not leaving to talk to my gf, id rather talk to u!'

My bf told me that he is so sorry and he had a problem but has fixed it and not spoken to her for about 8 months. He said he didnt like her at all, but he didnt have the balls to tell her to get lost and al the lies were to her and not me. I am trying to get over it and I have forgiven him but I trusted him more than anything, i thought everything he said was true but i was wrong!

He always said I deserved someone so special that would treat me right but he did the complete opposite to me. I cry every night now and have been for so long but I dont wanna break up with him because he didnt actually cheat on me physically, but he has hurt me so much now, i just dont know if i can get over it.

I was so innocent and only 17 when we started going out, he was 24 and i think i was naiive. But you haveto know he treats me sooo good and did treat me so good, i dont even know how he could have been like that.

Am i over reacting????

[Cybog]

Yes.

What rule says that for the first few months of you dating someone that they aren't allowed to see someone else?

Why are you being a selfish princess in thinking that a guy who is dating you can't also be dating another girl at the same time?

The two of you were young in your relationship and obviously hadn't established any boundries or "rules" for the two of you. Whose fault is this?

The next time you decide to get involved with a guy and the two of you are claiming to be "officially" a couple, you had better establish what that means. "Dating" doesn't mean "Married", and plenty of guys with enough sack realize that they don't want to be tied down to one woman, and unless the two of you agree that you are "exclusively dating" then the only person at fault is yourself for being so certian that it was otherwise.



P.S. This is also what happens when you say you are "together" with someone you hardly know, or start "dating" after really knowing someone for less than 2 weeks. Or did you really think that the person he was online would be the same person he was when you met him in person? Next time don't jump into a serious "relationship" until you have been dating someone for 6 months or so.

P.S.S.

I was so innocent and only 17 when we started going out, he was 24 and i think i was naiive.

This makes you what....18 and in charge of your life now?

[Melony]

He is 25 and has had many past relationships. I had none! And I was going by what he was telling me. Anyways, no offence but if you are seeing someone you should be faithful. He was cheated on by a girl 3 years ago and they were enagaged and he said he could never trust anyone but he could trust me.

He never cheated on me and never will, but I was so schoked because he told me how faithful he would be and for me to be faithful and not break his heart and i never will. Anyways I still think we are going to be together forever!!! I love him so much and i prob did overreact lol but I didnt do anything he didnt want me to do and i expected the same, which is happening and was happeneing apart from that little thing.

[vashti]

I think if this has been over for eight months, and you have no indication that he makes a habit of dishonest behavior and you really care for him, you can consider overlooking this incident * this one time *. He didn't actually sleep with her; he was dishonest.

Just don't close your eyes to other bad behaviors.

[Gigabitch]

Melony, yes, he was lying. Yes, he was having an online relationship with her while he was having an in-person relationship with you.

And no, none of that makes it okay that you got onto his computer and read his private correspondence. Am I right that snooping is how you found out about her?