Another String Along? - Help Please

[Gigabitch]

I agree she does not explain she wants a break but I think if she is contemplating others not having me around may help her perhaps realize what she wants ? ...

I dont want to be strung along and wondering why she is meeting up with a guy and intruiged by him?

Should I outright ask her what it is about him that makes her want to communicate with him?

Yes. You should outright ask her a lot of things.

[poweredbuyer]

Giga and Vasthi,

So I went out with her last night and here is the synopsis. I met her at a restaurant and we hugged and kissed as usual. During dinner I kinda felt like a first date because she was all giddy and talking non stop about career, finances, business ideas etc ... I was being a complete loving caring gentleman and encouraging her to make her dreams a reality.

We had a good time at dinner ... After dinner we went for a drive and she mentioned that she sent me an email Card apologizing for what she did. She did not mention the other guy at all but what she did mention was which threw me off was "If anything was going to happen it would have along time ago" ... Probably refering to her relationship with him however I dont see how she still chooses to communicate with him. Because the wound was fresh I did not ask her to not communicate with him or probe further to scare her off.

I took charge and ask her what she is doing Friday and Saturday and she said not much so I asked her out (feels wierd since I have been dating her for 1 year) and we have plans on Friday and Saturday.

The strange thing is she all of a sudden started talking about Jazz and Dancing and talking about how in a relationship if two people connect they can do anything together and have a great time. I said we do, we did ALOT ...But it seems she is wanting a good time rather than the realness perhaps?

We ended the night with Sex ... never done it with her in the car before didnt think she was capable of that but it was a good night.

Question is based on what you know should I proceed with caution because she didnt mention about the future and meeting her parents ... I mentioned "if we both want this to work we have to work together" ... all she said was " I Agree" ....

Thanks again for all ur time ,

Powered

[poweredbuyer]

No Response :-( ???

[Gigabitch]

Okay, okay.

First: Why isn't the realness directly involved with the good time? It seems to me that she was making a big effort to connect with you, and give you a clear hint about how to proceed with her (i.e. -take her dancing, you fool).

Okay, so it's Saturday night. You went out, right? What happened?

I don't get the feeling you and this girl communicate well. What's up with that? Is this a "you" problem, or is it both of you?

[dreamer101]

couldn't give any of you guys rep points, but there is some real good advice given here.

[vashti]

The strange thing is she all of a sudden started talking about Jazz and Dancing and talking about how in a relationship if two people connect they can do anything together and have a great time. I said we do, we did ALOT ...But it seems she is wanting a good time rather than the realness perhaps?

Powered

Most people do not want to have to choose between a good time and "realness". Why SHOULDN'T she want to go dancing with the man she loves? Do you think that men should only take their girls dancing until they are exclusive?

[poweredbuyer]

Gigi and Vashti,

You are absolutley right I misunderstood the "good times" part. I guess what is boils down to is exactly what you said Gigi which is "you guys don't communicate well".

Saturday night way great we went out again skating / dinner / movie fantastic. Although I did mention meeting her parents and she seems to shy away from that and says "Once my dad gets back give him a few weeks to settle in".

So last night I was open with her on the phone after the evening and said if this relationship has to go somewhere you need to tell ur parents so that the lies stop and we can not be hidden anymore. She agrees with me but never initiates the talk about future. I don't find her being sincere about it and it seems she is just pressured to respond.

Her family situation is intracit according to her and she has never told her parents about dating / bf so she is slowly working it in although it has been 4 months so far of doing this. Should I wait till the end of the month without getting my knickers in a knott and see if she makes me meet them.

Im just afraid of getting hurt again I suppose because after a year you really develop strong feeling for someone and it will be hard to just step away.

Thanks again !

[vashti]

Yes, set a deadline. You ARE applying some pressure, but I think that you are going to have to do this if you wish for the relationship to have a future. I think she may be hiding something about her parents from you. She may be ashamed of them, so be nice if/when you meet them. We don't get to pick our parents.

On the other hand, is there anything about YOU which may not show well? You might ask her if there is some other reason that she might be hiding you.

[poweredbuyer]

She has not mentioned anything about why she is hiding me.
Maybe there is something about me but I doubt it because I fit the typical profile for any parents:

1) Educated
2) Great Job
3) Good Looking (a little gut from the college beer days )
4) She has met my family and really likes them

But you are right maybe there is more to it. She does mention though that she still doesn't have a career and her father doesnt have a business ... she told me yesterday its not "u" its "me". I have heard that one before ... it rings alarm's shouldnt it?

But I keep thinking if she was thrilled with my qualities and who I am she would not have to hide it.

Her parents are strict and old fashion but she gets to go out alot and stay out late etc ... Im jus confused

[vashti]

It is probably something about her parents, then. They might be nuts, or religious zealots, or polygamists, or Republicans... who knows?

[poweredbuyer]

Vashti,

Do you believe I am blowing this out of proportion? ... I am leaving on business for 1 week and she is driving down because she wants to see me before I go ... Im just afraid that during my absence and being away she may still talk to that other guy ... Its just sitting in my gut for some reason ...

[poweredbuyer]

Not to mention I made an observation that she kept her cell phone in her back pocket to protect it perhaps cause thats how this all started ... my mind thinks ... "she is hiding something" ...

[vashti]

I don't know what she is thinking, but if you want to win her heart, you are going to have to get better at romancing her, having fun with her, communicating with her, etc. I have no idea if she is trustworthy. In the end, if you find you just can't trust her, then this relationship isn't going to work.

Is she generally trustworthy? Is it possible this was just a little indicretion on her part which could be remedied by a little more work from you both?

[Gigabitch]

Yes, set a deadline. You ARE applying some pressure, but I think that you are going to have to do this if you wish for the relationship to have a future. I think she may be hiding something about her parents from you. She may be ashamed of them, so be nice if/when you meet them. We don't get to pick our parents.

On the other hand, is there anything about YOU which may not show well? You might ask her if there is some other reason that she might be hiding you.

I was thinking the same thing. My parents are nothing to be proud of, and I cringe at the thought of my bf spending hours in their company. Minutes, actually. This might have nothing at all to do with you.

[poweredbuyer]

Giga and Vashti,

Firstly I would like to thank both of you from the Bottom of my heart for your help and advice. As you know how these situations can cause grief for those weak like me

I just saw her she came to see me before I leave for a business trip to NY and we had a coffee chatted and a kiss and hug. I just saw no emotion in her ... "No" im going to miss you like before or call me as soon as you land etc ... this makes me wonder ... why come all the way to see me to say Bye if u have no emotiions to show.

I told her I will miss her and love her and she then only said the same.

:-( .... Im just scared that when I am away this other guy is going to come into the picture especially after 3 magical nights together where I thought things were Better than normal.