Does going on a break work?

[Claire84]

Been with my boyfriend for 2 years, we split for a week in the past due to me not showing any signs of sexual commitment. I haven't slept with my boyfriend as I have a psychological fear it will hurt (he is above average). He has called our relationship a joke as we haven't had sex, its bad but I felt upset he doesn't respect the other aspects of the relationship. He wants me to see a councillor and says if I haven't got this sorted this week its over, he says I make him feel disgusted with himself and undesirable.

I am finding it stressful trying to do my final year at uni and look for jobs at the same time with the fact I have found someone I want to be with can't wait any longer. I thought about suggesting a break which he suggested in the past though I fear this will give him a reason to sleep around with other girls to fulfil his sex drought - makes me feel sick at the thought. I fear he could meet someone else so this would give him a reason to walk away.

[Zach]

Breaks are stupid in my opinion. If your gonna leave you might as well just leave for good. Im not going to give you a chance to sleep around for fun and say it was ok cause we were taking a break. Its just a stupid idea to me.

My girlfriend wanted a break and I told her take or leave it. Im not going to sit around depressed waiting for you to figure your shit out. Maybe im just angry... lol oh well

[Charlie Boy]

I don't blame your boyfriend. I think he's a good man for hanging on for two years if you haven't even been to a councillor or a therapist about the problem. Why haven't you???

[brokn4alifetime]

I would definitely try and talk to someone about your fear and try and deal with it...afterall if you ever wanna spend a long period of your life with someone they will expect sex sooner or later, especially in todays world!!

As for breaks.....its just the sort of pre-flight for the real thing...lets you down a bit easier.

Thats my experience anyway. That said my parents have been together for over 30yrs...they went on a break....but it was only for a day!! ;-)

[vashti]

Are you a virgin, and how big IS he?

[Claire84]

Are you a virgin, and how big IS he?

Yes I am, he is 5 and a half inches in girth and 7 inches in length.

[vashti]

Erect? Are you especially petite? He sounds big, but not freakishly so.

Is this about him in particular, or are you afraid to have sex with *any* guy?

[The Great OV!!!]

Breaks are stupid in my opinion. If your gonna leave you might as well just leave for good. Im not going to give you a chance to sleep around for fun and say it was ok cause we were taking a break. Its just a stupid idea to me.

All though it has little to do with what she said (lol) I agree with this.

[Gigabitch]

That's not that big. You don't know from big. I think he's got a point.

I think you should make up your mind. Do you want him or not? I think you're getting old enough that your fear of sex is going to get in the way of almost any relationship you could have. Might as well deal with it now.

[speaktoafriend]

Respecting feelings of your partner is a good thing, however there should be a limit. I don't recommend having sex just to keep the relationship going if you don't have sexual feelings for him. You need to be honest with him and yourself. A week is a good amount of time to get things together, which he gave you. If you've been open about your feellings with him I suggest giving it a shot if you love him. If he's been this understanding so far I am pretty sure you two can work it out.

[General Mac®]

Going on a break is a BAD idea given the situation you are in. He may not see it as an opportunity to wet his beak else were but at mid point of the break he will contemplate. I think you are just afraid and possibly very shy to let out your sexual nature. Darling we are humans, WE HAVE TO, NEED TO have sex for several reasons.

My advice is sit down with him, show him you really appreciate the fact that hes stuck around for so long and that his loyalty and longevity increases your desire for him and that you really do want to make love to him but fear holds you back. If you drop it to him like that, he will know how to approach you when the act does happen. Us men have various levels of sexual attack. Aggressive, Soft, or Just UnGodly etc.

Hes a good man, but that doesn't mean you have to allow him to release his militants just to keep him. Tough position you are in.

[YourBestFriend]

There is no use going on a brake if you are planning to stay with him...

You should consult a therapist, because sooner or later, with this guy or some one else, sex will come into the picture...

But he should also respect your feelings.

If he truly loves you (and I suppose he does, if you've been together for 2 years...), he shouldn't pressure you, but let you go in your own pace

[clynn]

The first serious boyfriend I was with was similar in size to your boyfriend (I think - it was quite a while ago now - regardless, to date, he was definitely the biggest I've been with).

And I was a virgin when I slept with him. I was soooooo scared of it hurting that I didn't have sex with him. Not until we broke up for a while and then got back together. That was after about a year and a half.

It did hurt. But it wasn't horrible. And by the second time I enjoyed it more and the third I was really grooving and loving it. It is SO WORTH IT!! Oh my gosh - you feel so close to your boyfriend. Especially if you love him and you don't have other, moral, reasons to not have sex with him.

Do you ever fool around with him? Make out, any foreplay, oral sex? If not, start there.........

Seems to me.......if you've been together for 2 years, and he has waited to have sex with you that long, that he obviously does love you for a lot more than sex!