Me and my girlfriend are on a break, advice on what to do please?

[Mr.Bojangles]

Hey there,
Well basically me and my 11 month long girlfriend have taken a break and i'm really struggling with it and I don't know how to 'act'. She wanted to take a break because she doesn't know If I fit into her life anymore. We've been going out 11 months, we were friends 2 years before that and in the 3 months before going out we were fooling around but not sleeping together. We're at different colleges but meet up every wednesday and weekend. So I was wondering if people can advise me how to act? It's confusing because we're on a break so that means I can't be there 24:7 and be all boyfriend-like, yet If I disappear then i'm sure it'll seem like I don't fit into her life, Catch 22 really isn't it? So can you help me by advising how to act? It would be deeply appreciated as I'm struggling with this, I keep crying and I'm bascially a complete mess over her. We love each other and are very close and have known each other a long time. I'm also concerned about another guy but she says they're friends and he likes someone else. Spending lots of time together is ok with me, but wearing his clothes and sleeping over bothers me, I don't know what to think! We're taking a break for 2 months and have agreed not to sleep with anyone else and have agreed to talk to each other before going off with someone else. I really don't want to loose her and generally need some help and guidance.

[vashti]

She is sleeping over another guy's house and wearing his clothes? I'd guess she is lying to you about her level of interest in him.

I'm not sure whether or not you can save this relationship, but I think you need to do a better job of setting some boundaries. Most guys wouldn't tolerate their girl sleeping at other males houses.

Maybe you should consider cutting all contact with her for a while. She might find she misses you and wants you back. Or maybe you will figure out how to live without her.

[Mathias]

She is sleeping over another guy's house and wearing his clothes? I'd guess she is lying to you about her level of interest in him.

Yeah, it's over. She's ****ing him.

Seriously. Just end it.

[Steve2004]

yea the sleeping over thing is strange. Sounds like your agreement to not sleep with other people might quite possibly be one-sided. I think you should start breaking away. Dont think of it as a break..think of it as a break up..you'll get over it a lot quicker.

[all alone]

breaks = relationship suicide

[meh]

Wow dude, that really sucks. I wouldn't go so far as to say she's definitely sleeping with the other guy, but her behaviour is certainly something you shouldn't tolerate.

And being on a break with "contact" is too hard. No contact her for two months.

[Freeway3137]

I can't believe your still on break. No guy and girl have sleep overs because you're just friends and the fact that "he likes someone else" doesn't mean he still wouldn't **** her. Break it off.

[anachronistic]

dump that ho bag.

[Gigabitch]

Oh, God, you're totally getting played. I'm sure it hurts like hell, but you have GOT to wake up and smell the coffee.

Do you have any kind of support system- friends to turn to, family? You're gonna need them. You have to end this right away.

[lennythellam]

I feel that if she really cares for you and loves you, it's not justifiable that she treats you this way and places you in a position whereby you should doubt her.
If she was truly considerate, she wouldn't place herself in situations whereby she could possibly be prone to having feelings for another person. It's hard to find the balance between the sense of trust you have for her, and the realization of whether what she's doing is acceptable or not. But at this point, you obviously know it's not respectful and right of her treating you like this.

I can definately see you really care for her and to an extent you give her the freedom, space and time to do what she wants. This is admirable and at the same time, you worry that doing so may lead to losing her to someone else. It seems you feel you're in a tight situation. But if the way she's treating you now is paining you, she doesn't deserve you and your generosity. You're going through pain and you shouldn't need to take this 'shit' from her.

Best thing I think before making your decision is to talk to her and tell you exactly how you feel about it. Ask each other what it is each of you want in the relationship. Be controlled and strong like the person you are and don't be afraid to tell her anything that's on your mind. It doesn't have to end painfully like the way it may seem right now. If she chooses to be an inconsiderate person, let it be and let her go...and be glad that there are more people out there, who will respect and care more about your feelings than she ever will. You care, and trust me, you deserve way more than to be treated like this. The sooner the better..You have nothing to lose..

[Blueberry]

Well i really dont like the idea of her sleeping over and wearing his clothes :S something like that breaks couples up im surprised you didnt throw a fit over it.

Anyway the first thing you have to do is not act like you need her try to act like indifferent and agree with her that this break is necessary. Trust me acting like youre not desperate for her will make her think twice about the whole break thing.

To ease the pain i suggest keeping yourself really busy and go out with friends and stay away from anything that reminds you of her Ive been there and that actually works.

Anyway hope things work out for you two but if they do please bring up the whole sleeping over thing coz it is NOT normal and NOT acceptable and ask her if shed like it if you slept over t a friends.