I need help again.

[LoveTwist]

>>One minute I wanna be with her and the next I wanna be single<<

Man that's exactly me about a month ago. I just told her I needed some time away to think things through and although reluctant she agreed. I gave it almost 4 days of absolutely no contact and I realized how much good it does just to have someone there for you. Just someone to hold or just talk to.

I think you also need time since your also not sure what you want from your relationship. If she can't give you a couple days to think it through then I'm not sure what else to say.

Again... good advise!

But if you go down and visit her and have some time to imagine what a life together might be like, maybe that will help you decide too.

I understand feeling nervous about breaking up with someone and not wanting to go through with it. I thought about breaking up with my ex several times... and then he did it for me and it sent my emotions into total turmoil! So I totally understand what its like to have your emotions rule your head and confuse you to hell.

I wish I knew how to move past all that.... but to be honest I never managed to break up with my ex.... He did it for me and it hurt like hell.... I knew logically that it was for the best and in a really weird way sometimes I even knew that I didn't really love him and it would never work out between us. But it hurt like hell to be dumped anyway, felt like the end of the world at the time (however stupid I think it was to feel like that... now when I look back on it)

So.... if its hurts so bad and feels wrong even when logically you know its right and a part of you even wants the break up.... how the hell can you pluck up the courage to end it yourself! Must be driving you crazy!

Although, I never managed to break up with my ex.... I did realise a lot from my last break up, and that is where ever possible to see the funny / positive side of a situation, whatever that may be..... In your case that doesn't look easy, but maybe if you try and relax a little the solution will seem clearer.

Again I wish I could offer better advice, but like I said, I didn't really manage to final decision phase that you need to..... Although, at the time I tried the 'laid back approach' and decided to let my emotions run my life and stay in the LDR for essentially eternity....

When I took the laid back approach I found I didn't care so much but it was nice to have someone to talk to, hang ot with and go and visit, so I decided to stick with it, endure any heart ache and just enjoy our time together however long it would last...

Whether or not I would have continued to let my emotions run my life and stuck with him if he didn't dump me I'll never know, but I think I would.

Letting your emotions run your life can be a good path, but only if you can remain laid back and don't let them stress you to death!
I really hope you come to a decision you are happy with!

Life really is too short for regrets and we are all significant in the grand scheme of things, (See my 'Get Some Perspective' Thread in the Off Topic section).

LoveTwist

[Zach]

Well her parents are going out of town this weekend so its convenient for me to go down there now. I have got to some how make up my mind today whether or not I am going to fly down there because I need to make the plane reservations very soon.

See, she understands me so well its ridiculous. She knows me better than anyone else does and she knows that alot of this is me not wanting to grow up and move out and take responsibility. I just wanna stay here where its safe and take it slow but Im not getting anywhere staying here.. and Im not happy here either and I know that and she knows that.. I would be happy for a little bit if I broke up with her and stayed here but I think I would actually regret not giving this all a chance after a while..

I feel like Im making shit up in my head because no matter what I say about all this I feel like it could be wrong and I really still dont know what the true problem is here. I feel like Im at a bomb and Im supposed to clip the blue or the red wire and I know my whole life depends on it and I have no idea what to do... totally 100&#37; unsure and frozen in place panicing.

I know the majority of you all think I should break it off, but last night it just felt so horribly wrong to break up with her. After I talk to her for more than 5 mins I feel like I wanna stay and try things but after I go to work and think by myself for 8 hours I changed my mind again and im back to square 1.

I guess all I can do is just fly down there and try it out for the weekend and see how I feel after that. Than If im not sure when I get back then I need to take a break from this and try no contact for a few days or so to see how I feel about that.

ughhh

[LoveTwist]

I feel like Im at a bomb and Im supposed to clip the blue or the red wire and I know my whole life depends on it

I promise you that you're life does NOT depend on which decision you make!! I know it feels like that now, because this is all you can think about.

But think back to what things were like before you met Angela....
You probably could never imagine meeting her.... and your whole life was stretched out before you.. full of possibilities... And it still is....

So try not to make it into this huge life or death decision...
It’s not the end! It’s just the beginning!

As Giga said before if you break it off for now and it really was meant to be between you and Angela then you'll back get together again. And... if your not meant to be together... somewhere down the line you'll meet someone else and the whole thing will start all over again.

It’s not the end of the world! It may not even be the last you see of Angela.... And its certainly NOT the end of your life!!

Remember.... you are young... you have your whole life ahead of you... full of surprises and excitement.... with or without Angela!!

Stay Cool!!!

LoveTwist

[Gigabitch]

Zach- a red flag for me was that you seem to think that taking care of this child is primarily a financial commitment, and you pointed out that both of the parents work.

This is not the important part of caring for a child. Whether you're ready for it or not, if you move down there, you will be a major player in this kid's life, and that's a big responsibility.

Go see Angela this weekend. Just see what it's like and spend some time with her, and try to figure out if she's good for you. IMO, getting out of PA is a definite must for you, at least for a while. I don't know if AL is the right direction, but you need to do something different.

[Zach]

Zach- a red flag for me was that you seem to think that taking care of this child is primarily a financial commitment, and you pointed out that both of the parents work.

This is not the important part of caring for a child. Whether you're ready for it or not, if you move down there, you will be a major player in this kid's life, and that's a big responsibility.

Go see Angela this weekend. Just see what it's like and spend some time with her, and try to figure out if she's good for you. IMO, getting out of PA is a definite must for you, at least for a while. I don't know if AL is the right direction, but you need to do something different.

Well the reason I pointed out the financial part of the commitment is because honestly Im not THAT intimidated about the getting to know and actual parenting part of the deal but my financial situation is terrible right now is all.

And I appreciate the love, but I am not going to die from this lol I know this I have been through so much worse things thatn this. I'll be fine no mater what.

[Gigabitch]

I believe you.

Okay, so are you working on a Plan B? What are you going to do when your job ends? Do you have a five-year plan, or even a five-month plan?

[Zach]

lol well not really/kinda..

When halloween comes around is right baout the same time I will be getting laid off. I can easily have a job (not a good one maybe) but there is no way possible I will be completely jobless.

I have the school I went to trying to find me jobs and Ive been looking a little.. i need to look more for sure. My aunt whose job is to get people jobs is also keeping a look out for jobs for me. Mainly IT Jobs is what Im looking for but chance are I wont score one of those just yet. Also, if I DO decide to try out AL for real Im sure I can find a IT job down there that pays 40-50k because theres quite a few more jobs done there than here in Erie. Not much here at all.

Im packing now actually, getting ready to leave for AL for the weekend. Ill be down there fri-mon then back to work on tues... anyways ive calmed down a bit instead of stressing out so much, but Im still in the process of figuring out my future from here on out... I hope I can somehow find my way to the right decision after this weekend.

[Gigabitch]

Me too, Zach. I'll be thinking good thoughts for you.

[Zach]

So the weekend is over and Im just as much of a wreck.... I feel totally depressed. I was online talking to her and she got really depressed because the divorce is going through and she is now realizing that she is going to be living with her grandparents and she will have her baby every other week switching off with her husband.

She feels *so* lonely because she has never lived by herself before. She doesnt have a place right now, so she has been thinking about buying a house but she doesnt know yet. She said she can afford one but she is all alone down there. And right before she signed off she said I dont wanna love you more than you love me. And that struck something horrible in me because I know exactly how she feels and I dont know how I feel... once again I cant stop crying and Im completely stuck AGAIN!

I met her baby and he is really cute.. but I just dont know If that is the way i need to go. I feel like I'll regret both decisions i make... so I dont make any omg!

I swear my feelings are playing tricks on me and its making me sick to my stomach because lets sy for instance this morning I woke up and I felt totally in love with Angela and I missed her so much and really felt like talking to her but then later on I feel half dead inside. I think maybe im totally depressed and its ruining my life or my life just sucks and Im depressed because of it i cant figure it out.

[anachronistic]

She feels *so* lonely because she has never lived by herself before.

she will get used to it.

[Gigabitch]

I think you're doing the responsible thing by not just running down there. if you go to her, you have to be sure you won't turn around and leave her in two months.

She's going to have a really, really hard time for the next year or so. Her first week without her son is going to be just awful. She'll be much more depressed than she is now, and if she's worried about living alone, she probably shouldn't. She can buy a house later.

Zach, if you went there, you would have to put your concerns on the back burner and let it be all about her for a while because of what she's going through. That's not really a fair situation, is it?

You just got over a terrible breakup. I don't want to see you delve into something that will wear you out, and really, if you're not rock-solid about Angela and all of her baggage, you'll be more trouble to her than you're worth.

[Zach]

I just dont know how or if I should end it with her.. I DO have feelings for her but for some reason my head is all ****ed up and I dont know why.. Sometimes its clear and I DO wanna be with her and then I dontknow anymore its seriously going back and forth and back and over and over... Honestly I dont think I can break up with her because i do have feelings for her.. I dont think i could bring myself to do it now.

[Gigabitch]

Well, she doesn't need a guy who isn't sure. The last thing she should have to do right now is maintain your emotional equilibrium and convince you, probably over and over again, that you should be with her.

If you can't give yourself to her unreservedly, don't offer yourself to her at all.