In need of some advice...

[TotallyDazed]

Last year, I went out with a young lady. Things started off ok, but at the end of month 8, we decided to mutually split apart because we were at different stages of our relationship. At the time, I thought we would get back together after taking some time to grow and mature a little. While I took the time to do just that, she jumped into the arms of another guy no more than three weeks after we broke up. Needless to say, I was crushed. I took the time I thought I needed to heal, and while not 100%, felt comfortable enough to be happy with my life and myself.

Jump to the present. Nine months later. Throughout her rebound relationship, however, she constantly told me that her feelings about me never changed, how amazing I was, and that she still cared for me quite a bit. I was honest and told her that I felt like she was stringing me along, and that I was simply her "backup." (She recently broke up with her guy). During her toughest times, she came to me with support. Never once did I judge or tell her that it was not in her best interests to talk to her ex about a current guy...I suppose looking back I should have. Over the course of those nine months, we tried to be friends on several occasions--the last time was after about two months of not talking or seeing one another. Since we have several mutual friends, we felt as though we should at least try to be civil. After she broke up with the rebound guy, she apologized for her actions, and said she could never be mad at me.

A couple of weeks ago, she tells me she did something very stupid while drunk with a guy I know, and I flipped out....apparently my feelings for her are still there...and she knew it when she told me. I guess I write not knowing what my next steps should be. I tried talking about it with her later that night, and after that she called me...well, less than savory things, said I was not in control of my feelings and was tactless, and told me that a friendship was not possible. I just feel that I was nothing but a great friend to her in the past, and I do not understand why one small outburst and her potential embarrassment resulted in her saying that I was too much "drama." I do not know how I should feel. While part of me is the bigger man and will admit my fault for calling her out, I do not feel bad for having feelings towards her and communicating them in an open and honest manner. Also, part of me is angry about how she so easily forgets what a good friend I was to her while she was having problems with her ex-boyfriend, and that every time she apologized to me for being "dumb" and "immature," I always forgave her indiscretion. She knows my feelings for her are very strong, and I don't understand why she would want to distance herself from the one person she counted on the most during her time of need. Nice guys shouldn't have to finish last, nor should they have to suffer for being a good, decent person. Anyways, what do people think?

Thanks in advance...

[misombra]

but at the end of month 8, we decided to mutually split apart because we were at different stages of our relationship.

please elaborate on this.

[TotallyDazed]

Well, she said that I was unable to give her all of my love, and communication fell apart. I felt that instead of celebrating our relationship, she would constantly worry about the future--as if she had some "goal" in mind. Also, she thought that I was not in tune to her needs, yet she never took the time to voice her concerns/problems. All of this sort of led to us splitting up. Again, I just want to stress that I am not pulling these feelings out of thin air--throughout her other relationship, she would tell me how amazing I am and that I was the only person she could honestly see herself with. While I might have been foolish to believe her as she was with another guy, I still took her words to heart. I suppose I am just hurt because I feel slightly discarded.

[misombra]

what are your ages?

kinda sounds like she needs men to like her.

[TotallyDazed]

Mid-20s. I know...seems like we should be younger. Never too late to live and learn, however (even if it is the hard way...). I won't go into details, but her success rate with finding honest, decent men in the past has been less than stellar, so I understand that there might be a power struggle going on here. I think she wants to assume dominance, but I don't want to feel abused in the process. I think she's a good person at heart, I just think really insecure. Perhaps I am making excuses at this point? Who knows...I have been told I am too understanding. I guess I am just not the typical "let it roll of my back" kind of person.