Two problems: Meet and Run Away.

[BrokenPieces]

Oi, online people...I've had a run in with one through MySpace. He's really nice, mind you, but can't make up his mind.

He lives about 15 minutes away from me and goes to my neighbors house all the time and yet I have yet to meet him, haha. We were supposed to meet one time and he sounded all for it, but then he decided not to at the last minute.

Then I got a job recently and I told him about it, and mentioned he should stop in and see me sometime. Took it completely the wrong way. First he asked if I was asking him out, and I said no, I was just saying if he wanted to stop in to where I work I'd be there, heh, and then after that he asked when I work. I told him and then he wanted to know how I'd react if he just walked in and asked ME out....so I sorta implied it wouldn't just be that easy. Still talk to him like normal, but he hasn't stopped in. Then the other day he asked if I liked a band, and said if I did he'd have to meet me. I didn't take him seriously, but said in general I liked the band because I did. He dropped it after that.

Now, there's an age difference, and I found out recently that's why he's been just flirting and hasn't taken it past that because he's afraid to....but he still does constantly, even while liking another girl at the same time @.@.

So, I'd say your online guy is probably asking out of curiosity to keep it as a possibility in case he wants to, but I wouldn't expect him to actually do it. There's just something sort of surreal I guess about meeting online people so sometimes they seem open to meeting and then as soon as something is planned they change their minds.

[Junket]

I know. But my want to understand why men act as they do is honest.

Honest, but naive and futile as well.

[Moonchild]

But the thing is you are meeting people online (am I guessing right?) to evaluate them as possible relationships?

Wrong answer! XD Meeting online, yes. In the game my avatar and signature pictures are from. Evaluate for relationships? Nah, this guy's just cool. And he's working toward a PhD in a field I find interesting but a bit out of my abilities. He's just hard to read sometimes. =) I'd love to know more about him, though, and meeting him would be insanely cool. He's the master of the team I'm in, so I have quite a bit of respect for him as a leader as well, even if it's just online.

BrokenPieces: XD Wouldn't it be so much more simple if people could just learn that little two-letter word? I don't mind a no, honestly; I just wish he'd give me a straight answer.

Frasbee: Mm, but I can try. =) A want to understand is more important than whether I actually get anything out of it or not. It means that if there's a chance to understand, even if it's just bits and pieces, I'll be open to it. ^^

[Junket]

You're a pain in the ass, but I've developed a respect for you.

Don't let it go to your head, prick.

[jurupa]

Yes, I moved away slightly, but I don't think males are capable of reading subtle body language anyway.

You may rethink that one.

And seriously, where are the guys? Or do they not feel like reading/don't want to tell me how not to completely murder this poor man? Oooooooy!

Or maybe they don't know the answer to your problem.

It's lunch /in the dining hall/. I don't think that counts as a date by any sane person's definition.

I would more consider it a casual date than anything else. The guy invited you and you said yes with no clarification that you where not interested in the guy. My definition of a date is I invite a girl to some place and she accepts it and shows up for it. I don't think location is that key in going out on a date.

But my want to understand why men act as they do is honest.

A girl that is quizzical about men even tho they say men are an open book and women are the complicated ones. Now that is funny and ironic. I give it to you real simple Moonchild. Most men operate off of logic. Guy invites you to the dinning hall you accept with no indication of wanting nothing more than friends. The guy thinks he has a chance because you never told him he does not have a chance.


As far as the dinning hall guy goes, being friends with him will not work, because he has interest in you. So your best bet is to tell him directly (most guys can not pick up hints) you are not interested in dating right now.

[TADA]

Second year, taking third year classes thanks to high school CS courses. Still graduating in four, though; second major is mathematics, minor is Japanese. That's why I'm stuck with this person--he's taking Japanese classes and he's also a CS major. At least he was a CS major before he met me; the add-a-Japanese-minor thing was rather disturbing. He graduates a year ahead, though, so... Only three and a half more semesters until I'm free. ;_; (And one more year after that until I'm /free/. >>)

I am in my first year of it at Uni of Miami... Double majoring in CS and Sound Engineering with a minor in graphic design...hard so far? I hate first and second years of Uni...taking useless classes.

[Moonchild]

You may rethink that one.

Well, this one can't tell, it seems. e_e

I would more consider it a casual date than anything else. The guy invited you and you said yes with no clarification that you where not interested in the guy. My definition of a date is I invite a girl to some place and she accepts it and shows up for it. I don't think location is that key in going out on a date.

One, a guy who thinks the dining hall is a place to date, even casually, is seriously weird. -__-; At least consider the cafe on the first floor. Cafe > cafeteria. Two, I've said in class that there's someone I like from high school, and that I'm sick of relationships. Seeing as he listens when I'm talking--even when I'm not talking to him--I don't see how that could mean he has any chance with me. I haven't said it to him directly, no. I was talking to my roommate.

A girl that is quizzical about men even tho they say men are an open book and women are the complicated ones. Now that is funny and ironic. I give it to you real simple Moonchild. Most men operate off of logic. Guy invites you to the dinning hall you accept with no indication of wanting nothing more than friends. The guy thinks he has a chance because you never told him he does not have a chance.

Men /and/ women are complicated. But I still don't understand why I have to specify that I don't like him like that when I pull away from him whenever he leans in, hide any stuff of mine that he stares at, am nice because I'm nice to /everyone/, go to lunch with anyone who asks (and I don't mind unless they /freaking creep me out/), and a million other things. So from my perspective, dining hall + all this != date. At all. Ever. So I guess... It seems a little more like "guilty until proven innocent" or something. And yes, I mean it that way. Like assuming that I like fluffy pink bunnies until I say otherwise, that sort of thing.

As far as the dinning hall guy goes, being friends with him will not work, because he has interest in you. So your best bet is to tell him directly (most guys can not pick up hints) you are not interested in dating right now.

At this point, I don't want to try being friends with him. But I'll always be friendly, because I'm not the type to do otherwise... And I'm getting so annoyed that I'm more inclined to tell him that not only am I not interested in dating right now, I'm not interested in dating /him/ /ever/. But I still don't know how to bring it up, since he still hasn't said anything like that.

Thanks, though. This helps with figuring things out in my own head. Like the not-hating-him-for-being-a-social-idiot part, and the understand-why-he's-doing-this bit, too.

--

Frasbee: I'm sorry.

TADA: I came into college with nearly a year's worth of AP exam credit, so I got out of most of the useless classes... I have one more core to do, and then it's just major and minor classes. But it's been fairly straightforward, actually.

--

Agh, I want to add more to this, but I'm at home now, so there's a timer on the router, darn it. >< Cuts power at 12.30 AM because my siblings can't be up too late. 13 minutes of internet freedom left.

[Junket]

At this point, I don't want to try being friends with him. But I'll always be friendly, because I'm not the type to do otherwise...

Your logic is flawed.

If you continue to be friendly, he'll continue to be interested. That's just the way it is. Some people not only need to be told directly, but need those words to be followed up with action.

That's just the way it is.

Based off some of the things you've said, you have a tendency to assume things.

Seeing as he listens when I'm talking--even when I'm not talking to him--I don't see how that could mean he has any chance with me. I haven't said it to him directly, no. I was talking to my roommate.

Maybe he wasn't paying attention? Or maybe he was, and was trying to be that one special guy who changed your mind about the whole dating thing? Who knows? But what he sure as hell doesn't know, (yet), is that you are particularly against the prospect of dating him. Grow a backbone and tell him like it is if his behavior continues. Do not lash out, or try to point out what are to you all the "obvious" signals of your disinterest. Just take him aside, tell him you're not comfortable with his behavior and draw a very distinct line where you need it to be.

I don't think males are particularly adept at reading body language or other subtleties, so they don't count.

I challenge this statement.

[vashti]

I challenge this statement.

Of course you do. I was referring to the typical guy, and you are atpyical.

[Moonchild]

If you continue to be friendly, he'll continue to be interested. That's just the way it is. Some people not only need to be told directly, but need those words to be followed up with action.

Being direct to the point of causing someone emotional distress... It's not something I like to do. And yeah, I understand that in order to bring this to a close, I /have/ to. But that doesn't make it easy. He annoys me a bit, but I'm not going to just up and hate him--or pretend to--simply because he's, er... delusional. >> Maybe I should just look forward to when he graduates? Because with my personality (flaws?), it doesn't seem possible for me to do the rather simple and almost necessary thing you all are advising.

Thanks, though.

[Junket]

Who said you have to hate him?

Or even be mean?

We're just advising you to be direct and clear.

[jurupa]

Well, this one can't tell, it seems. e_e

Most guys can not pick up subtle hints.

One, a guy who thinks the dining hall is a place to date, even casually, is seriously weird. -__-; At least consider the cafe on the first floor. Cafe > cafeteria. Two, I've said in class that there's someone I like from high school, and that I'm sick of relationships. Seeing as he listens when I'm talking--even when I'm not talking to him--I don't see how that could mean he has any chance with me. I haven't said it to him directly, no. I was talking to my roommate.

You have not told him your not interested so until you actually say it to him he will think you are. Again going back to what I said before about subtle hints.

Men /and/ women are complicated. But I still don't understand why I have to specify that I don't like him like that when I pull away from him whenever he leans in, hide any stuff of mine that he stares at, am nice because I'm nice to /everyone/, go to lunch with anyone who asks (and I don't mind unless they /freaking creep me out/), and a million other things. So from my perspective, dining hall + all this != date. At all. Ever. So I guess... It seems a little more like "guilty until proven innocent" or something. And yes, I mean it that way. Like assuming that I like fluffy pink bunnies until I say otherwise, that sort of thing.

Again guys in general are not able to pick up on subtle hints. We are not born with mind readers and a lot of times women send out the wrong single to us with out backing it up with a vocal response as well.

At this point, I don't want to try being friends with him. But I'll always be friendly, because I'm not the type to do otherwise... And I'm getting so annoyed that I'm more inclined to tell him that not only am I not interested in dating right now, I'm not interested in dating /him/ /ever/. But I still don't know how to bring it up, since he still hasn't said anything like that.

Do not be friendly to him, just be nice.

[Moonchild]

Frasbee: I won't feel bad about being direct and clear when he's direct and clear. Until then, I fear that he'll accuse me of making unreasonable assumptions because, as has been demonstrated on a number of occasions in class, he doesn't seem to be above lying about what he thinks and does so he can cover his ass.

jurupa: Erm. Difference between friendly and nice?

[jurupa]

jurupa: Erm. Difference between friendly and nice?

To me the difference is being friendly I am treating the person more like a friend, while being nice I am being respectful and cooperative but I am not going to go the "extra mile" when I am being nice.

[Moonchild]

Aha. So I should back off a little more, then. Makes sense, really. Hmm... Next week should be amusing, then.