Two problems: Meet and Run Away.

[Moonchild]

PART A

So, hypothetically... (I still say that, but we all know this isn't hypothetical. >>) Hypothetically, if I ask an online guy friend if he'd like to meet me at a rather popular marketplace (which is about half an hour from where he normally is), and then tell him not to reply to my message if he thinks I'm insane.... and then he doesn't reply (implying that I am indeed insane), but then goes on to ask what day of the week the day in question is... what's he thinking? I know this is a little out there, and I'm not here to be lectured about meeting people I know online; I'm not an idiot, and I'm careful as hell. See "popular marketplace". Besides, it's a college trip for me, so it's a bunch of people who'd totally notice if something happened to me. Besides, most people online aren't creepy perverts oh em gee.

Anyway... What motivation would he have, if any, to not respond (which I specified would be taken as a "no"), and then ask what day of the week it would be? Besides that, when I was jokingly talking about it before actually asking him, his response to me was ">.>". And when I told him after I'd asked him, when he wanted to know the day, he again went ">.>". And people say women are cryptic. I'm downright confused. e_e I didn't expect him to want to meet me, and that's fine. But seriously, if he's going to ask about the day and then go ">.>", he could at least add an explanation on the end, because this is just hurting my brain.

A friend of ours (over in England; neither of us have met him in person either) said it's likely just him mulling over the issue, that maybe he just plain isn't sure. But that would mean.... that he's just a really confusing guy who doesn't want me to know that he's considering it.

PART B

There's this guy in two of my classes who's decent enough to talk with, but I don't like him in the way that he definitely seems to be interested in me. So today (technically yesterday, since it's 2.00 AM) he asks me to lunch. Took him two class periods of stuttering to do it. I say yes to the poor fellow. If you were in his position, guys--having very few friends, but got a yes from the girl you like--what's the best way to be let down? Because I seriously don't like him that way, and I sure as hell don't want to lead him on about it. My guy friends just kind of laughed when I said I could just tell him that the person I've got an interest in is female, but that's a little misleading, since it implies that I'm excluding not only him, but his entire gender. But no, as horrible as it is, he's just on the list of people I am not attracted to. And I need it to be indirect enough that I can say it without him actually asking me to date him, because I /really/ don't want it to get that far. That's an even bigger let-down than finding out over a casual lunch.

Oh, and I'm meeting him in eight hours and forty-five minutes. Waking up in seven and forty-five. So we'll see what appears on this second one by then.

Conclusion. D:

End 2.00 AM ranting. Totally going to sleep now to hopefully eliminate some of the annoyance from my being. If you think I'm too worked up about part A? No, it's likely the fact that I've been e_e over part B for twelve hours. If you can't pull out the flat information from my rant, then you don't have to address it, and if you reply with, "What the hell are you talking about?" then I'll know to come back and rework this post.

Update, 12.47 PM

Massive failure on my part. Stayed half an hour, then got uncomfortable when he decided to A) lean /far/ over the table to see what I was studying and B) move over to be rather too close when I started drawing. (Yes, I moved away slightly, but I don't think males are capable of reading subtle body language anyway.) Oh yeah, and he didn't talk enough for me to even mention that I'm not interested. As an added bonus, I think I may have completely failed my Databases exam. What a wonderful day this is turning out to be. -__-; At least Community Chorus tonight isn't likely to be hellish.

And seriously, where are the guys? Or do they not feel like reading/don't want to tell me how not to completely murder this poor man? Oooooooy!

[Stalin_Skaya]

Tell the guy you are a Jehovah's witness, they are everywhere and are not allowed to date or have relationships.

[Moonchild]

That... doesn't help. Guess I have to wing it.

[Gigabitch]

I think I'm too late. You're probably trying to let him down easy right now. Good luck with that.

With regard to the online guy, I just don't know what to tell you. These online people are, by nature or design, inscrutable. You may never get the straight (heh- little bisexual joke, there...) story.

[vashti]

I think the online guy is probably a little apprehensive, but is considering meeting you.

The second guy - well, the poor guy! You say you don't want to date him, but you accepted a date! I think it would have been better if when he asked you to lunch, you had simply said at that time, "we can go to lunch as friends, but I want you to know that although I like you, I am not interested in dating".

[Moonchild]

It's lunch /in the dining hall/. I don't think that counts as a date by any sane person's definition. Anyway, I didn't find a chance to tell him. Mostly because he didn't talk to me much, but got uncomfortably close at the second half--then again, I'm not sure he knows where the personal space lines are. As I mentioned, no real friends. Why couldn't he have stayed at the opposite side of the table where we started out? I'm down to getting my roommate in on this--the three of us are taking the same Japanese course. It'd get across if I have to say that I'm through with relationships for the time being, right?

And yes. Yes, this guy stuttered over asking me to eat in the dining hall with him. Aaagh.

See update in main post for ranting with a slightly different word order.

[vashti]

You knew the guy liked you. I am guessing when you accepted his invitation, it probably made his day. He probably went home and told all his friends and relatives, and then started planning names for your future children, and I bet he considered it if not an actual date, then at least a step in that direction. (I bet he thought it was a date, though.)

In the future, if you are reasonably sure a guy likes you in a way you aren't comfortable with, I think it is a matter of kindness to not allow them to develop any false hope. It is hard enough for a guy to have to do the asking and risk rejection without having to interpret what he certainly percieves as mixed signals. I don't think males are particularly adept at reading body language or other subtleties, so they don't count. You need to use words.

That is my opinion, anyway.

[Moonchild]

You knew the guy liked you. I am guessing when you accepted his invitation, it probably made his day. He probably went home and told all his friends and relatives, and then started planning names for your future children, and I bet he considered it if not an actual date, then at least a step in that direction. (I bet he thought it was a date, though.)

Ohlord. I do hope not.

But yeah, I'm not going to accept any more meal invitations, even if I have to make a habit of taking a nap when I would otherwise be eating. (I want to nap now...) But I still don't know what to say if he flat-out asks me to go out with him. e_e I'm not one for kind words in that kind of situation. I just /say things/, and I'd rather not be the evil girl, especially since I'll be dealing with him until he graduates next year--and as the level increases, the number of students in the Japanese class decreases.

As far as the above goes, though, I actually... wouldn't be surprised. He started talking about adding a Japanese minor when he found out that's what I was doing. e_e Though seeing as I spent half a class once talking about how small children are loud, violent creatures and my ideal family would only have adopted kids* (skip the loud, gross stage), I doubt at least the names part. Though that doesn't help me feel better.

*Class activity. We're learning family words and the associated kanji. Question: How many children does your ideal family have? Answer: I don't want to ever be pregnant, darn it. But worded as "There are no children." I didn't express my interest in adoption because it would only complicate matters and depends entirely on not only social services but also my ability to care for children and "family stability". Which means I'd pretty much have to be married with a like-minded fellow, because if I were in a committed relationship with a female, they might not allow it anyway, depending on the state. Though I think Maryland does, so that's a plus.

[vashti]

You have to be cruel to be kind. Just tell him you like him as a person, but you are not interested in dating him. It seems harsh, I know, but better to be harsh than to have the poor guy imagining he actually stands a chance.

[Moonchild]

Eh, all right. But I'll really only say that if he asks me directly--which he may have to since I'm not going to eat with him again. e_e Thanks.

[TADA]

You're a computer science major?

Which year are you in right now?

[Moonchild]

Second year, taking third year classes thanks to high school CS courses. Still graduating in four, though; second major is mathematics, minor is Japanese. That's why I'm stuck with this person--he's taking Japanese classes and he's also a CS major. At least he was a CS major before he met me; the add-a-Japanese-minor thing was rather disturbing. He graduates a year ahead, though, so... Only three and a half more semesters until I'm free. ;_; (And one more year after that until I'm /free/. >>)

[Junket]

You're not crazy.

No wait, yes you are.

[Moonchild]

You're not crazy.

No wait, yes you are.

I know. But my want to understand why men act as they do is honest.

[DoesntMatter]

Haha I don't think it's crazy... I've met peopple from online before. One was a person I gamed with for about 3 years, and he lived only a 20 minute drive away, so I met up with him a few times to pwn noobs.

I met up with another guy I knew from online gaming for an equal length of time. One of the coolest guys I've ever known.

But the thing is you are meeting people online (am I guessing right?) to evaluate them as possible relationships? I used to think people just met romantic friends or whatever you want to call them through online dating services. Then here at LF I read stories about people who they knew online through other means and became involved with romantically. Personally I think it's a little out their... I only met these people I knew from online because they were cool as hell. But the fact that he was asking about which day could mean he either was genuinely curious, or wanted to keep the dialogue going but not meet you in person. I don't know which one

About that guy friend you have but don't want to let down too hard... I honestly think any way you let him down is going to hurt him. It's nice to see that there are people who actually care about how other people might feel though. Pretty rare